Lies! All of it was LIES!

[StrykerXIII]

For those that remember my meeting with HR over my appearance, it looked like it was going well...until today.

For those that don't, I met with my HR representative a few weeks back to discuss my appearance. There'd been a bunch of complaints at work about my hair, and at the meeting, I was told that I "looked fine, just needed to keep it neat and start pulling it back as soon as possible".

Well, today, that same HR rep shows up to send me home from work because "I've had plenty of time to make the necessary changes to my appearance to comply with company standards, and have not done so". I'm currently on an indefinite suspension pending a phone call from her to tell me when/if I can go back to work. She brought up the company handbook, which says NOTHING about the length of a man's hair, only the style. I put that point forward, and she told me that the length falls under the appearance policy's guidelines of a "neat, professional appearance". It is NOT expressly stated, I was expected to just, I don't know, pick up on it. I'm sorry, but I have NEVER conformed with society's image of what a man looks like, because I'm NOT A BLOODY MAN. I came out, right then and there, only to this rebuttal:

"That's considered a medical reason. Without the paperwork from a doctor, I can't make an exception".

I told her that I still haven't received proof of insurance from my provider. But apparently, that's not her fault, that's something I should have made more of an effort towards if I intended to come out. So now, I'm out to my superiors, and it got me nowhere.

I just can't believe she lied to me like that, telling me that I don't have to change anything only to turn around and suspend me for not changing.

[Devlyn]

Big hug!  It's all the crappo that makes us stronger in the end. This about sums your situation up:

"Yes, there's always the unexpected, isn't there?"

Bonus points for naming the movie, plus it will give you a distraction! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[Jill F]

Call Lambda Legal and/or the ACLU.   Sometimes the best defense is a good offense. 

Sorry your company is a bunch of d-bags.

Hugs,
Jill   

[StrykerXIII]

Google has failed me...all I can find are book results, and the one that matches closest is "Coming of Age".

I'm not really upset about it, to be honest. I knew it was a possibility. I'm primarily disgusted by the fact that I got two-faced like that. If they REALLY want to split hairs, though, I'll bring up how our field manager is always showing up at our post in a t-shirt and jeans instead of the "business casual" attire he's supposed to wear, and how he's almost always unshaven - grooming policy is company-wide, it doesn't JUST apply to the field officers.

That, and I'm probably going to contact the Lexington-Fayette Urban County Human Rights Campaign, as well as the EEOC, about that whole snag in the way the policy is written. I bet they'd LOVE to hear about how I was suspended for an offense that isn't even listed as an offense.

[Jill F]

I'm going to guess that a diagnosis of GD by a medical professional ASAP can't hurt you here.

[Ms Grace]

I'm going to guess that a diagnosis of GD by a medical professional ASAP can't hurt you here.

I would second this. Hope things improve.

[StrykerXIII]

I'm going to guess that a diagnosis of GD by a medical professional ASAP can't hurt you here.

I'm going to have to get up early tomorrow and really get ahold of my insurance company. All I have right now is a number associated with my free prescription coverage...nothing with the insurance itself, which is needed for copays and all that crap. I intend to get diagnosed as soon as I possibly can, so that I can finally get the hell outta this whole "male appearance compliance" crap. I just need a card with my insurance policy number on it...which should have automatically been sent to me, but it's been over a month now and still nada.

[awilliams1701]

I've never had a problem with my hair. I've always had long hair since I've been working.
As Allen I had long brown hair and I've worked:
KFC
Holywood Video
The Andersons (half the size of walmart, half kroger, half home depot)
IT Department of a highschool
website programmer for the DOD

As Ashley I've only worked as a website programmer for the DOD. I started with long brown hair and now I have purple hair (which I actually asked about before hand). I actually covered my ass big time with going purple, but ironically only a very tiny number of people actually seem to care at all and they all love it.

[awilliams1701]

This really sucks though. I've always hated gender biased dress codes. There should be one and only one dress code.
Ironically also where I work the only thing anyone knows for sure is no shorts. No problem! Skirts are WAY BETTER!

[Mariah]

So sorry they are treating you like this. It's not fair and definitely not right. As others have stated, I would get the diagnosis in hand and see if that helps plus get a hold of the ALCU. To aid in finding them on Google just type in ALCU Kentucky and it should come right up. Lambda Legal is another one that should be easy to find and is nationwide. Good luck and big hugs. Keep us posted.
Mariah

[suzifrommd]

Please contact the EEOC. They ruled recently that gender presentation is protected under the sex discrimination title of US employment law. You do not need a doctor to approve your hairstyle. What your employer is doing is illegal.

[Nickywhat]

It def sounds like they're discriminating and using this situation as a scapegoat :/.  The "Complaints" are ridiculous and it's one reason I like working night shift because I have one less worry about what society expects.... :/  I wish you the best sweetie!  Sometimes the world just needs a good slap across the face and wakeup....I hate societal norms & expectations...

EDIT: Noticed this occurred last month, any updates since then? :


(No foul words please, we are above that)
Cindy
Forum Admin

[Eva Marie]

It sounds to me like some management higher up the chain stuck their nose into your business and decreed that what was being allowed locally in regards to the local staff mostly looking the other way wasn't acceptable - thats why there was a sudden change of attitude.

I think that you have a few options at this point. The very first one and the one of highest importance is to quickly get your GD diagnosis from a therapist. While that is in process you can contact the various organizations that have been previously mentioned by others and see what they recommend. Once you have the GD diagnosis you have a iron clad case against your employer although I think that technically you had one the moment you informed them that you are trans.

Yes, you are out now honey, for better or for worse. I'm not standing in your shoes or facing your challenges but this doesn't seem like a totally negative thing to me - but it's something that is going to force some decision making on your part. I know its a scary thing to consider but you can do it and we are here for you.

Use the tools that are available to you as a protected minority class to get fair treatment from your employer - they deserve whatever is coming to them by them being deliberately obtuse to your condition.