advice for a new mtf active duty.

[billiexero]

hello all, i was hoping to talk to military persons retired or active. i cant really go to anyone cuz i cant talk to a therapist, even though the one im seeing for depression and adhd already said she basically knows i am but until i tell her right out. only thing is if i do that then she has to tell my chain of command... and my chain is quite, shall we say single minded about how things should/are going to be. my husband doesnt like talking about, cuz he doesnt want me to transition at all. i mean i bought some skirts/dresses today and he was giving me this side eye i cant believe your buying those. i can even talk about it, it sucks and its eating me up. i can dress like a women, or wear makeup around him, he kinda gets a little pissy when i wear tighter jeans. he literally said that my jeans were to tight, mind you i have worn them plenty of times before. little messed up. can anymore give me advice or tell me a good way to vent. i mean im think about just doing it and talking to my therapist so i can start my transition, even if it mean still awnsering to my male name at work, moving forward with my life. i think i really might just do it.   

[KylieW]

I'm nearly in the same position as you. Active military, six year contract... only three years in. I've been running from my dysphoria for as long as I can remember.

I want to say that a therapist being required to report trans* is a lie.. There are only a handful of things that a therapist (military or civilian) is required to report such as suicidal/homicidal thoughts and drug abuse.  I just got back from a 2 week underway (Navy) during which time I had a serious breakdown about my identity. Even the ship's Psych wasn't required to report that I am Trans. After I spoke with him and spilled my guts for damn near an hour he just looked at me and asked if I wanted to get out. If not, then he would always be there in case I needed someone to talk to. I was terrified and convinced that my career was going to end without giving me an option but I simply couldn't handle it anymore and needed someone to talk to.

Now I am currently looking into talking to a civilian psych, considering if I want to accept medical separation from the navy or not and finally get on with my life as who I'm supposed to be.

I forget the regulation, but if you're in the US Armed Services I can see if I can dig it up again. It was basically a list of things that psych's are required to report. Anything else is a breach of confidentiality and will mean their career.


Unfortunately, I don't have any relationships right now outside of my two roommates. I haven't told anyone else besides the psych so I'm sorry to say that I can't help with those situations as I have zero experience with them.

[Robyn37]

If you can afford it, try to find a civilian gender therapist in your area. This would allow you to openly discuss your feelings without your command catching wind. As far as I know military counselors, therapists, and chaplains are required to report transgender issues to the command. The military does not have the same rules in this regard as the civilian side.

[billiexero]

i mean thats what i heard, that they are required to report it. and if i talk to a civi doc. they would be required to do the same cuz there are only a few docs that i can talk to that arent military. your chain is required to know who and where you are going for any treatment. if you keep it hidden then its a whole new ->-bleeped-<- storm that would be far worse then talking to my current psych.

givin that she my psych basically knows because she told me if i ever wanted to talk to her about something like that, she would be more then willing to help. she also proceeded to ask me because of my husband being trans as well for help in understanding some of the basics for the transgender persons as well as there spouse. i told her about this sight as well as a few other things.
 
the next part is a little more personal, you might not want to read it if you dont like hearing really personal ->-bleeped-<- but if you can help me with it that be amazing...

i dont know if its dysphoria or what but i kinda hate my body and really only feel comfortable in women's undergarments and not in a sexual matter, i just feel more like me or less uncomfortable at work or in public. i mean im kinda having issues to the point of its effecting my sex drive. i mean its not like its not there but i just i cant seem to for lack of a better term keep it going. unless i finish fast  (this doesnt happen often..... well ever.) i kinda fail to preform and its effecting my marriage and kinda bumming me out. the only thing i can think of is that its me anti depressants (welbutrin) and my adhd med (adderal) does anymore have a little insight into this.

[Robyn37]

Civilian therapists not associated with the military are not required to notify your command. Your command honestly doesnt even need to know if you dont want them to, what you spend your money on and how you spend your personal time is none of their business, and there is no way for them to know unless you tell them (or do something socially irresponsible).

As for the meds, I never took anything so i dont know how that affects your sex drive. I always had issues with reaching orgasm and that always caused certain issues within relationships. My ex girlfriend was super awesome and open, and sometimes she would talk to me like i was a girl and that seemed to work pretty well, maybe give something like that a try?

[billiexero]

well my husband as doesnt really want me to transition. he (being ftm) says that hes not attracted to girls. he cant be with a girl. so when i start our marriage is over. it kinda blows something fierce. i cant wera makeup round him cant drss like a girl or act like one. so talking to him and havin him talk to me like a women isnt to much of an option.