uh oh

[enigmaticrorschach]

i think i'm on the slippery slope again. after i got off the bus from work, i started walking home but i was turned around. i walked into the utility section of the store and did the unthinkable. my therapy appoint is on wednesday but i'm afraid i might just end up slipping again. the good part is i'm to tired to do anything right now -.-

[Laura_7]

Please don't... get rid of any usable objects...
you might reward yourself with a nice big ice at the next opportunity...

for distractions you might have a look here, esp. at page 2 :
http://www.nshn.co.uk/downloads/Distractions.pdf


And please reach out... talk to someone...

you can call one of those for example, people are there to support and give advice (there are many others):
glnh dot org/talkline/ (this is the national lgbt youth helpline)
translifeline dot org

many *hugs*

[Lady Smith]

That's a good list Laura

enigmaticrorschach, my daughter used to harm herself and it used to make me weep everytime I saw the scars on her arms, but she is well now and happy and content with herself living the life she needed to live.

Please do as Laura advised and talk to someone if you start to feel unsafe.  It's good that you have your appointment on Wednesday so you don't have to wait very long.

[mrs izzy]

i think i'm on the slippery slope again. after i got off the bus from work, i started walking home but i was turned around. i walked into the utility section of the store and did the unthinkable. my therapy appoint is on wednesday but i'm afraid i might just end up slipping again. the good part is i'm to tired to do anything right now -.-

Trans lifeline US 877-565-8860 CAD 877-330-6366 http://www.translifeline.org/

[enigmaticrorschach]

its just, at work, i kept stabbing myself with a tagging gun, pricking my fingers on left in pins and getting scratched up by tags as i move the clothes in order to separate them. trust me when i say i hate doing it but.... i really need to get a new job. thanx guys for the advice though. i'm ok right now since i'm to tired to even move

[enigmaticrorschach]

um, i did something i said i never do, ever. though i did it, i feel great however.  my pulse and heart rate returned to normal, my head cleared up and i some energy returned to me. idk what i should do now

[Ms Grace]

I'm sorry to hear that. Are you speaking to a counsellor or therapist, you need to find better coping strategies when you feel distressed and the urge to self-harm. Please take care.

[enigmaticrorschach]

no, its not self harming, havent done that in awhile and frankly though i miss it, the scars arent worth it, but rather the other thing. thursday i got so distressed, that on impulsive, i made an order online. i swore i never do it.

[Ms Grace]

Sorry, I'm not sure what your referring to then. No need to explain - if you find you'd rather not be doing it and it is distressing you even though you are using it to cope with distress then definitely you should seek out safer and more effective coping measures to utilise when you do feel distressed. I know it's easier said than done, but you need to start somewhere, take that step towards helping, not hurting (however you might be doing it), yourself. Support groups? Therapists? Close friend?

[enigmaticrorschach]

i dont see my therapist until next week. not necessarily coping so to speak, more so as in i'm screaming very loudily because apparently my vocal isnt being heard. its self medicating. i ididnt want to say it because i swore to myself i wouldnt do it but honestly though everyone is ok with the idea, reading their facial expressions tells me otherwise since i have gone into states of remission due to impounding stress and unavoidable circumstances that force me to focus my attention the other way. i didnt want to be one of the ones who start out that way, i wanted to do things the right way but after thursday mental breakdown, my logic went downstream. yes there have been times i thought about it and have went searching but i never really followed through.

[Ms Grace]

These things happen. It doesn't make us wrong or bad. The important thing is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and find a way to move forward. I'm glad you'll be seeing someone soon. Please take care.

[enigmaticrorschach]

I just feel, dirty.

[Ms Grace]

That's fine, I understand. Just remember that feelings like that have their root in bad experiences and memories, often from when we are young and/or had no control over events or ourselves. Dealing with the cause can help dislodge the feelings and behaviour that comes with it, and I speak from experience.

[enigmaticrorschach]

I know but I feel so wrong feeling so stress free, well a huge part of my stress is fine. I should throw them away but. ugh, this isn't the type of convo that I should be venting about. my lips are sealed on this as of this moment

[Ms Grace]

That's OK - PM me if you want bit please raise with your therapist when you see them

[femmebutt]

I've been in a week-long temptation rut. My roommate/ex/whatever left a big vial of E sitting here while she's out of town. I haven't made any appointments because my insurance is screwed up right now.  The legit route seems far away, unnecessarily complicated, and immensely annoying.
... Then again I'm not even sure we're talking of the same thing!

[enigmaticrorschach]

a poem suddenly just popped into my head, sort of a haiku and yes, its the same thing.

[femmebutt]

Don't tease! We all wait,
'Silent echo': mystery,
Hard to contemplate

[enigmaticrorschach]

i'm not teasing o: if i was teasing, you'd know