I don't get it.

fennec-fox · May 02, 2015, 10:13:36 AM

I don't feel any particular attachment to any gender? Fine.

I prefer to refer to myself in a gender-neutral way? Also fine, and it's good that I'm figuring out my comfort zone.

I want to get a binder and buy some men's clothes so I can dress in a more androgynous way when I feel like it? That's good; I should feel comfortable looking and dressing how I want.

I don't mind it if people refer to me in a gendered way but would prefer they/them pronouns and gender-neutral terms? Now I'm just "making a big deal of this" and "trying to be different", and I'm trying to "force" people to alter their use of language even though I've made it clear I'm okay with gendered pronouns and terms.

I just don't get it. It's perfectly fine for me to refer to myself how I want and look how I want, even if it differs from what's "normal", but God forbid I'd prefer others to refer to me in a gender-neutral way even though I don't mind people referring to me in a gendered way, because then I'm just trying to be some special snowflake??

Mariah · May 02, 2015, 10:28:35 AM

Hugs. Fennec-fox, much of that is rooted in the fact we live in a binary society. Virtually everything we do is done that we even computer codes are binary. Is it easy to switch to a gender neutral way, of course but often they don't or won't I've never cared for the fact some people will use certain words to refer to everyone and those words are all gendered male yet not everyone is male. What I do is polity correct them when something like that has occurred. Often they will apologize and that is the end of it. All of us feel that frustration no matter where we are on the transgender spectrum. I'm glad your figuring out your comfort zone because I think those boundaries are so important to understand as we figure out who we are and where we belong. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

adrian · May 02, 2015, 11:41:01 AM

I'm sorry, fennec-fox. This sucks big time. Some people are so narrow-minded and they are incapable of thinking outside of their (gender) box. Why on earth can't we let go of those stupid binaries.

hugs!

suzifrommd · May 02, 2015, 04:58:42 PM

No, THEY don't get it.

To be fair to them, non-binary gender is hard for people to get. We're wired to gender people as one of the two binary genders and how we interact with people is heavily tied to gender. So it's for people to get their arms around the fact that some people simply don't experience their gender as part of the binary.

However, they shouldn't have to get it. True friends make an effort. Even if they don't get it right all, or even most of the time, they try.

fennec-fox · May 03, 2015, 08:24:57 AM

I just hope that someday society will realize how dumb the idea of a gender binary is. There are so many of us who don't fit into the binary; people need to realize that being neither male nor female is just as valid as being one or the other.

Another thing I find it hard to understand is how so many people are opposed to singular "they" if that's what a person wants to be called, yet they have no problem using it to refer to hypothetical people and don't even think twice about it or that they'll claim it "isn't grammatically correct" even though it's been in use as a singular pronoun for centuries.

adrian · May 03, 2015, 08:32:14 AM

There was an article on the Washington Post a while ago which I thought wasn't too bad: "Gender-neutral pronouns: When 'they' doesn't identify as either male or female". I'm hoping that it convinced some people to respect a person's pronoun preferences.

fennec-fox · May 03, 2015, 08:35:40 AM

Quote from: adrian on May 03, 2015, 08:32:14 AM
There was an article on the Washington Post a while ago which I thought wasn't too bad: "Gender-neutral pronouns: When 'they' doesn't identify as either male or female". I'm hoping that it convinced some people to respect a person's pronoun preferences.

Do you have a link to that?

adrian · May 03, 2015, 10:36:48 AM

It was discussed here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176483.msg1551863.html#msg1551863 Link is included (I'm never entirely sure if it's OK to post external links outside the news forum).

Mariah · May 03, 2015, 10:42:10 AM

Adrian, anytime your not sure of something please don't hesitate to ask one of the mods or admins in regards to what you can and can't do. Also the forums FAQ section also a section set aside for asking questions about things you don't understand. Now having said that TOS 1 covers the rules on links. I hope this helps. Hugs
Mariah

Site Terms of Service and rules to live by

Quote from: adrian on May 03, 2015, 10:36:48 AM
It was discussed here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176483.msg1551863.html#msg1551863 Link is included (I'm never entirely sure if it's OK to post external links outside the news forum).

adrian · May 03, 2015, 10:48:03 AM

Thank you, Mariah

Quote from: Mariah2014 on May 03, 2015, 10:42:10 AM
Adrian, anytime your not sure of something please don't hesitate to ask one of the mods or admins in regards to what you can and can't do. Also the forums FAQ section also a section set aside for asking questions about things you don't understand. Now having said that TOS 1 covers the rules on links. I hope this helps. Hugs
Mariah

Site Terms of Service and rules to live by

fennec-fox · May 03, 2015, 08:31:47 PM

Quote from: adrian on May 03, 2015, 10:36:48 AM
It was discussed here: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,176483.msg1551863.html#msg1551863 Link is included (I'm never entirely sure if it's OK to post external links outside the news forum).
[/quote

Thank you!

News:

I don't get it.