how long did it take you to get over the fear of going out in public

[Eva Marie]

It took me about a year to get over the jitters. I began by going out dressed one night with friends to support me to a bar, absolutely terrified but grimly determined to press on - and everything turned out fine. Then from there I started going to therapy appointments and started going out on the weekends, always pushing my comfort zone just a little further each time, and getting more "seat time".

After awhile and nothing bad had happened I learned to relax. Today I am full time and it's not a big deal any longer - I just get dressed and go. The only issue I have these days is never having the right shoes to go with my outfit

[stephaniec]

I basically been dealing with this  for a long time  , but it still freaks me out getting out the door. Its getting a lot better , I sure am squeamish .

[Robyn37]

I have really only gone out to public places twice. The first time I went to a bar with a friend I met at a PFLAG group. I was scared at first, but I just pushed myself through. I almost fainted when I had to show my ID to get in, but the bouncer didn't say anything. The night ended up being pretty fun and once I realized people weren't staring or laughing it definitely raised my confidence. The second time was a month ago at a new support group after moving, and I really didn't have much fear at all it just felt normal. I've been getting so much electrolysis lately that my face is pretty beat up and I am very self conscious about it, but I am finding it very difficult to not just say f*** it and dress how i want. I am going to a birthday this weekend at a local lgbt bar, and I have the perfect outfit ready to go. I can't wait!!!

[Jayne]

Setting foot outside can take anything from 10 minutes to several hours depending on the urgency, if its not an appointment then the average procrastinating time is 2 hrs.
I've been out for more than 3 yrs and on hrt for 18 months

[CassieG]

I have never been out in public dressed. I am very new to this. That said, I totally accept what is going on. I didn't choose it - it chose me. I'm delighted and on the back of that I simply can't wait to go out dressed. Like someone said earlier - I am sort of not bothered what people think. A little concerned about being on a crowded train though! I have a dressing / make up lesson with a dressing agency on Thursday where I also get to pick my wig. I'm really excited. I will check back afterwards and let you all know how things went.

LCx

[awilliams1701]

I started going out in public in August 2014. I'm not entirely certain when I got over it, but I was afraid to go certain places until around December or January. I've realized that Huntsville is a great place and mostly not concerned these days. The last time I was afraid was when I used the bathroom at Wendy's on my way to my Endo almost 3 months ago. That was the first time of using a public bathroom when there was no advanced notice. Even locally I only use the bathrooms at home or at work. The reason that bothered me is because it was in Georgia a couple hours from Atlanta. I know Atlanta is also supposed to be decent, but I have no idea what to expect outside friendly zones. Fortunately there were no issues.

[stephaniec]

the bathroom issue can be quite scary

[iKate]

In the beginning it was terrifying...

Tsar bomba!

[femmebutt]

I find the bathroom a safe haven!  It's a great way to case a joint as well. If I'm unsure of a bar, restaurant, etc (or who may be in it!) I'll often head straight to the bathroom taking mental notes along the way. On the way back I know exactly where I want to sit perhaps where I might avoid or even whether I want to be there at all!

[stephaniec]

one thing I'm realizing from transitioning where everyone has known me as male , I don't have to worry about my voice.

[acd_92]

After I finished coming out to myself in January, I pretty much went out in public however I wanted after that. I didn't really have a lot of feminine clothes to wear, but once I got a wardrobe, I just wore what I wanted. I'm already kind of used to people staring/giving me weird looks (I have a disability and walk with a limp), so for me it was just kind of like, "why not? it's just one more thing." Now I still get misgendered and people call me sir, because my face still looks really masculine... but for me it's about feeling good. That's the most important thing to me. So I think my desire to feel better trumped any fear of people seeing me and judging me.

[Newgirl Dani]

Mine was gradual, I was not really concerned what others thought, only my own comfortability.  First only nail polish>women's jeans>heels>stayed at this point for awhile.  Makeup/eyeliner/lipstick/mascara at about 3 or 4 months, for this I was getting fairly comfortable.  With each step I did not exclude any of the places I went.  By 8 months I arrived at that last place I considered to be entering "full time" which was wearing my maxi skirts.  Just recently I have found how very nice it is wearing pencil skirts with black tights and running shoes, fun, fun, fun.  As far as my voice goes, I just don't care, if anyone reacts like they are offended when I speak, for me its kinda like poking bugs with a stick.  Their displeasure is my fun and when they see me smile, it pops their balloon.   Dani

[Nicole]

Didn't take long, I would say a week or two after coming out Mum wanted to go shopping with me for some more clothes, I was more than ready by then

[LizMarie]

I've been full time since September 2014, and was "almost" full time for a year prior to that (everywhere but at work and since I work from home 9 days out of 10, that was about 99% full time).

Going out as myself stopped bothering me within a few months, but there's always a little voice in the back of the head urging me to be careful, be observant, don't draw attention, etc. I'm not sure those minor doubts will ever go away, even though I've had no problems being out as myself so far.

[Boo Stew]

I didn't start going out dressed until just last year aside from some exceptions here or there. Now I'm fairly comfortable going out pretty much anywhere wearing whatever except [/i ]where I actually live mostly because my I'm not out to our neighbors or our religious landlord --who have seen me wear some pretty funky looks and makeup but never "the full femme." I think once we secure ourselves financially and move somewhere more open and less steeped in the past, I'll get more comfortable dressing how I feel.

[AndreaLinda]

I think my biggest fear is that my wigs fall off or something like that, maybe that's the reason why I'm waiting for my natural hair to grow!

[Squircle]

18 months into full time and I still get nervous. Nowhere near as bad as I was, but I still have my confidence issues. That varies depending on how I feel from one day to the next.

I dont think it will ever leave me. I wish it would and perhaps when I'm old and wrinkly I'll be so invisible to everyone that it just won't matter.

[iKate]

I think once I address my voice issues I will be a ton more confident to go out as me in more places.

[toniwest]

I have only been out once fully dressed. I went to a bar and stopped by the gas station on the way. It was a hour and a half from where I live. I need to get more comfortable at it.

[Jill F]

At first I was afraid.  I was petrified...

Pre-HRT I never went out in full girl mode.  I was still trying to coordinate my look and I was certainly not ready for prime time.  I wouldn't even go out the front door or open a window, and I would literally hide if someone came to the door.  I think I took the trash out at night once or twice completely dressed, but that was it.  I suppose I already did have a habit of going out androgynously once in awhile.  I did rock some "guyliner", shirts that looked more like blouses and unisex jeans.

I think HRT helped with anxiety better than Valium and Klonopin ever did.  A couple of weeks in, my wife came home with a carload of groceries and shopping bags while I was wearing a studded mini-skirt and asked me to help unload.  My neighbors (of course) were right there to watch.  Nothing bad happened.  I even opened the front drapes and went out on the front porch.  The next weekend my wife got me in the car and we drove to West Hollywood.  Nothing bad happened.  Nobody even batted an eye. (Of course in WeHo, if everyone batted an eye every time they saw something out of the ordinary, all anyone would do would be batting eyes all day.) 

My therapist then pretty much double-dog dared me to show up in a dress the next time, so I did.  Nothing bad happened, nobody seemed to care.

The next weekend, my wife and I went out of town, so I did so in girl mode.  We went to a rooftop bar and I was nervous as all hell.  It showed.  I was pointed at, stared at and laughed at.  All this did was strengthen my resolve, and I just worked harder on my voice and demeanor.   Again, nothing really bad happened.  I'm just glad I made an ass of myself in San Diego rather than Los Angeles.

When I thought I was ready to get back on the saddle, I decided to go to a restaurant that I've been to a lot- El Compadre, across Sunset Blvd. from Guitar Center where all the rock stars go.  I did overhear one guy ask his dining companions, "Is that a guy or a girl over there?", to which his friend asked "Which one?" 

My first "pass"!

I stumbled into going full time a week later.