my emotions

[enigmaticrorschach]

apparently I have very very bad emotional control. when I get upset, it turns into full blown rage and I become more destructive than an atomic bomb and I mean literally or if I get depresses, I hit straight rock bottom complete shutdow  mode or if I'm in a normal mood, I'm completely emotion, literally don't give a rats behind about anything. its really strange and scary.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! Anything in particular happen that made you think of this? I think we all have Hiroshima moments from time to time.

Hugs, Devlyn

[Mariah]

Emotions can definitely take us for a roller coaster ride for sure. Sometimes a therapist and your doctors can be a tremendous help with getting your emotions under control. Please feel free to share whats going on, we are hear to help. You can always reach out via pm if your more comfortable that way talking about what's going on that's if you feel comfortable talking about it. Hugs
Mariah

[enigmaticrorschach]

haha, hiroshima, i like that. i think its how i was raised. when i was younger, i got expelled from school for literally leveling an entire classroom and i ended up putting a couple of kids in the hospital and well as injuring a teacher. i've even gotten the nickname the human hurricane. idk, its just seems like the tiniest things could set me off. my mother left today for 2 weeks and went to switzerland and she even told me she was concerned that i might fly off the handle . oh today, a manger from another store came in and he was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying i was literally about to superman his behind straight to the moon. plus the topic of bruce jenner came up and i thought i was toast because they saw my expression when the word transgender came up. 

[Jayne]

I can relate to the atomic bomb temper, it used to be a daily state of being for me. I could be happy one second & the next i'd be seeing red.
One night in a very physical job someone pushed me too far whilst the adrenaline was pumping & I started a verbal tirade, both this man & my manager slowly backed away as I ranted & raved. Once i'd gotten it out of my system the person who pushed too far told me that he'd never seen such a look of pure hatred on someones face & through the whole rant his only thought was "where is the nearest exit?". He also apologised for ignoring the warnings i'd been giving him for weeks that certain things were not only not funny but deeply offensive to me.
My manager said that whilst the man deserved every word I said he was concerned I was going to jump down from the truck I was loading & beat this man to death with a run flat tyre I was holding.

Now that i've dealt with my many emotional hang ups I can't believe I was that person, these problems were partly due to hating the world that I thought wouldn't accept who I was on the inside, it was also largely due to resenting every person who dared to be healthy whilst I had to live with various medical problems that hampered my life at every turn.

[Mariah]

I can totally relate to the expression and fearing it's giving you away. When I was in college studying a human development course it eventually got to the Joan/ John case and I couldn't for the life of me hold a straight face at the time and was worried it was giving me away, but no one ever said anything if they did notice.
Mariah

haha, hiroshima, i like that. i think its how i was raised. when i was younger, i got expelled from school for literally leveling an entire classroom and i ended up putting a couple of kids in the hospital and well as injuring a teacher. i've even gotten the nickname the human hurricane. idk, its just seems like the tiniest things could set me off. my mother left today for 2 weeks and went to switzerland and she even told me she was concerned that i might fly off the handle . oh today, a manger from another store came in and he was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying i was literally about to superman his behind straight to the moon. plus the topic of bruce jenner came up and i thought i was toast because they saw my expression when the word transgender came up.

[Majj Wynn]

Learning to manage one's emotions is, imo, one of the most important skills as a human, and it's sad that society hasn't taken enough time to really develop this skill, and to pass it on.

I find that it's not so much about control, and the best thing to do is getting in touch with your emotions. You try your best to remain your 'whole' self while experiencing and observing them, and doing so it's also easier to not get lost in them and do things that you wouldn't do unless you do.
A trick I use sometimes is if it seems like I need to 'rage' or anything, I do it in my imagination, cuz there there's no limit, I can express, and destroy stuff if I feel like it! And then in the real world, I don't get selfish (towards myself), I know I care about my environment (including others), so then I try to channel my willfulness into more constructive ways of going about things.

It's not always easy to do.. but it's like any skill, you get better at it.
Well, that's just some basics, but hopefully it can help you a bit. Still learning too..

[enigmaticrorschach]

haha, you sound like my old anger management counselor. she said the same exact thing. i had an imagination that ran wild. i even kept my imaginary friends until i was like 17-18. they're still running around somewhere. i'll go look for them later. anyways but its easier said than down. i mean i still use those techniques and they do work. i'm just a very vengeful person. if i dont get you now, i'll get you later 10 fold. my therapist and i are still working on this but it seems like something deeper is triggering it and whatever it is, i can't reach it. maybe its because my ability to actually feel compassion was stripped away? i cherish things but i don't feel compassionate towards them.

[Majj Wynn]

haha, you sound like my old anger management counselor. she said the same exact thing. i had an imagination that ran wild. i even kept my imaginary friends until i was like 17-18. they're still running around somewhere. i'll go look for them later. anyways but its easier said than down. i mean i still use those techniques and they do work. i'm just a very vengeful person. if i dont get you now, i'll get you later 10 fold. my therapist and i are still working on this but it seems like something deeper is triggering it and whatever it is, i can't reach it. maybe its because my ability to actually feel compassion was stripped away? i cherish things but i don't feel compassionate towards them.

aahh i see. I can somewhat relate cuz I used to be vengeful. I'm not sure what changed it.. probably just everything.. going through suffering, and not wanting anyone to go through that. I don't care if it's someone that's done something bad to me, I don't want anyone to suffer, there's been enough of it. If that's the only way they could learn compassion, then maybe I'd be ok with it, dunno..

I'd like to be able to counsel, tbh, I'd like to help those that're going through tough stuff. And I know that those who aren't caring, and 'wrong' me, are not very in touch with the quality of their well-being, so, why would I want vengeance against them? Their existence is already .. not that great. If anything I should be offering them help... but most of them aren't ready, so ... just leave them to their own devices, and .. I'd channel my emotions to tell them that they've been disrespectful, and that what was concerned matters to me, even if they couldn't see. Because if I attack them, that doesn't get me anywhere, it'll only get them more defensive. So what's the point in outing the anger at them? Nah, if I really care about what's at issue, I'm not gonna lash out on them, and I'm gonna get to the bottom of how I feel for me.
Well, that's how I see it now.. at least a lot of the time. The satisfaction of lashing out anger at people is really .. narrow, it doesn't satisfy the soul. kwim? And yet we need to do what needs to be done to say what our boundaries are, and what matters to us... so it's not about canceling out anger or anything.

So, that's all I can think of to say about that.. I'm no expert on anger anymore, I'm dealing much more with depression and stuff like that. But I believe there's always a way to get to a good way of doing all this..

[Jayne]

Nowdays I use GTA for anger management, last week a bus driver tried refusing to accept my ticket, the look on his face made it quite clear he had an issue with my being trans, I stayed calm whilst dealing with him & ignored the simmering anger for the rest of the day, when I got home I lodged my complaint then turned on GTA & every bus driver I saw got it in the neck.
No real people were harmed or offended but it made me feel loads better

Another trick I use for things that anger me or make my depression kick in is to write it on a small bit of paper, i then (carefully) burn the paper, it feels really good to watch the problem go up in flames.
Did I mention to be carefull doing this, I don't want to be blamed for someone setting fire to their home!!

[enigmaticrorschach]

wow, my emotions stabilized finally. usually I'd be flustered and losing my mind but I was just as mellow and calm as a summer cool breeze. ah the bliss of feeling just a little stress free

[Yenneffer]

haha, hiroshima, i like that. i think its how i was raised. when i was younger, i got expelled from school for literally leveling an entire classroom and i ended up putting a couple of kids in the hospital and well as injuring a teacher. i've even gotten the nickname the human hurricane. idk, its just seems like the tiniest things could set me off. my mother left today for 2 weeks and went to switzerland and she even told me she was concerned that i might fly off the handle . oh today, a manger from another store came in and he was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying i was literally about to superman his behind straight to the moon. plus the topic of bruce jenner came up and i thought i was toast because they saw my expression when the word transgender came up.

u from uk hugs

[Yenneffer]

haha, you sound like my old anger management counselor. she said the same exact thing. i had an imagination that ran wild. i even kept my imaginary friends until i was like 17-18. they're still running around somewhere. i'll go look for them later. anyways but its easier said than down. i mean i still use those techniques and they do work. i'm just a very vengeful person. if i dont get you now, i'll get you later 10 fold. my therapist and i are still working on this but it seems like something deeper is triggering it and whatever it is, i can't reach it. maybe its because my ability to actually feel compassion was stripped away? i cherish things but i don't feel compassionate towards them.

me and u are to a like i had anger problems to my parents sent me there and i said im transgender.