Finally know my family's opinion on transgender/transsexual..

[Avinia]

Think I posted about it in the Bruce Jenner thread, but forgot since I was away from home.

Thanks to the interview I have mostly concluded it is unsafe to come out at the moment. My youngest brother was just disturbed about it I guess, my dad said that Bruce was trans because "They are rich and insane" or something like that. My other brother of course was disgusted, and my mom refused to talk about the trans side of things... So I still have no real clue on her view of people being trans. Also no idea about my oldest brother and his wife.

Also has been mostly confirmed to me that my extended family is pretty much completely anti-gay and anti-trans(though I did finally meet one of my lesbian cousins last weekend.. at least I think she was my cousin).

So back to waiting for now on coming out.

Therapy wise, pretty sure my family is now very iffy on therapy since my aunt has pretty much gone crazy the past few months, and I guess in my mom's mind it is somehow caused by the therapist(I guess she believes that therapists will say problems which aren't there are there so they can make more money).

Also for coming out, going to at least wait a few months since my family is pretty stressed out right now with the funeral having just passed, my aunt, the court stuff for my nephew, and my older brother's marriage problems. Don't need to add to the stress, especially since my dad's blood pressure is bad at the moment.

On the bright side, finally got around to getting my driver's permit and ID(though I misunderstood the signature stuff, and couldn't remember my height and weight). But have to get my eyes checked, turns out my vision in my right eye is worse than I thought.

Guess I will use this time of the next few months to continue thinking about whether or not I am actually trans or not. At this point I am leaning more toward yes again.... Was going to add more, but forgot... Will remember eventually.

[Cindy]

Families can be a real pain. Are you seeing a therapist BTW? Even if you see them without the family knowing it would help you deal with all sorts of issues, even family!

[suzifrommd]

Avinia, does your family have something to hold over you? Financial support, for example, or access to younger family members?

If not, do you really have anything to lose by coming out to them? Sure they might be unhappy/angry/disgusted/dismissive, but that's not your problem, it's theirs. Meantime you're wearing yourself out by keeping your secret and pretending.

You're being kind by not adding to everyone's grief (though for anyone without a warped perspective, this is actually a HAPPY thing), but please don't stress yourself out protecting them from their own uninformed reactions.

[Mariah]

Famies are mixed bag when it comes to how they handle things when they discover that we are transgendered. Something you said about your family and how they handled your Aunt seeing a therapist reminds me of something I was once told a couple of years ago. I'm not the first person in my family to transition. One of my mother's siblings transitioned a couple years before me and some of her siblings felt that the therapist had to be a quack because they didn't believe what they told or saw was true. It just couldn't be in there minds. It's how a majority of them felt. I honestly don't know what the same group say behind my back and to be honest I'm glad I don't because it's my life and my transition. When your ready and have decided this is right for you consider your own happiness and needs because putting the families need entirely before our own can be unhealthy. Just before I started my transition I wold take my mom into her PCP and she would always tell me that I needed make sure to take care of my own health in order to take care of her. I was thinking that I thought I was dealing with everything yet she could tell there was something bigger that I was still avoiding dealing with. The key is when your ready that you need to look out for your own needs. Only you can determine what that looks like. Ultimately they can't live your life for you. Good luck and big hugs.
Mariah

[awilliams1701]

I have a friend that came out to her parents during the funeral for a sibling. I have absolutely no idea why she chose that time, but one parent was fine and one wasn't I think. She's married and I know that most of the two families are ok, but there are a couple problematic ones.

Her now wife asked me What do I gain by waiting? My family will either accept me or reject me. It isn't going to matter if you wait a day or a year. Their opinions aren't going to change on their own. However if they reject me, they could either learn to accept me or not later on. The sooner I come out, the sooner I'll find out and it will be one less thing to worry about. As expected my two sisters were not supportive. My parents and third sister already knew because they proved to me time and time again that they could handle it.

My relationship with my younger sister hasn't really gone anywhere. Initially she made an effort to talk to me every month, which is actually more than I've gotten out of her since we stopped playing W.o.W. together. However that has ceased. My parents tell me that she's baby sitting now for several babies and her husband is trying to get a degree so he can get a better job, but he's pushing really hard to get it done as fast as possible. As a result he needs a lot of quiet time and she leaves the house with her baby while he's studying. So its possible she just isn't able to contact me, but I find that very hard to believe. I know he hates me and he once told me that all gay people should be stoned. Ultimately he did say that while he doesn't want his daughter to know me, what my sister does is her choice.

My relationship with my oldest sister has improved. Originally she was attacking me and it got so bad that I had to block her on facebook. After no contact at all, she sent me a picture of her younger son via email a couple of days ago. She said that she misses me and worries about me. I decided it was time to reach out and see what happens. I gave her an update on my status and included a couple of recent pictures in hopes to show her how happy I am. Ultimately she said she loves me, but as a brother. She doesn't think she can ever see me as a sister. At least she wasn't attacking me anymore.

So with one sister things aren't going anywhere and with another they've improved slightly. I've been fulltime for 9 months now. My sisters knew about a month prior. I still believe there is hope. Ultimately though my friend and her wife were right. Waiting wasn't going to accomplish anything and it was only hurting me as a result.

[Avinia]

Can't really see a therapist without my parents knowing since I can't drive myself yet.

My parents do hold financial support for me, and could block contact with my youngest brother, and my niece and nephew.. If they weren't okay with it.

Honestly, I probably am fine just waiting until I can financially support myself(as much as I was against that plan originally).

My main worry about eventually coming out, is losing contact with both the immediate and extended family, I do feel that more than likely, a majority of my extended family would cut off contact, at least temporarily. I also know for certain that my already sort of bad relationship with my younger brother would get way worse.

[MugwortPsychonaut]

Cis people don't question their gender. Where about are you living? Not like city and state, just an approximation. Are there any TBLG resources near you?

[awilliams1701]

Unfortunately my oldest sister is doing exactly that. She claims her youngest son can't handle it. He's older than my youngest niece who had no problem. I met a 4 year old in my neighborhood that understood it. She even wished me luck on my journey. My sister is basically insulting her son by making this assumption IMO.

Then there is my youngest sister's husband. Mr. I want to stone all gay people. He doesn't want their newborn daughter to ever meet me again (presumably ever as in even when she's 20+). I saw her once about a month after she was born. This was before I came out and they were suspicious of me for my lack of body hair on my arms and legs. In fairness the arms were an accident. I accidentally spilled veet on them while working on my legs. I liked it enough I stuck with it though.

[Avinia]

I live in a pretty small town(or small to me, only about 10k people now), so the only LGBT resources I know of are about an hour away.

Well, hopefully my mind will be taken off of this for a bit, have to leave tomorrow and won't be back until Tuesday night(for court for my nephew, sounds super uncomfortable since I have only met him once and that was nearly 3 years ago when he was born).