Looking for opinions

[ChiGirl]

I'm starting to come out to more family.  Not a lot, just a few extended family members who I'm very close to.  I want to do this and I want to do it one on one.

My wife disagrees.  She thinks we should be doing this together to show a united front.  That makes sense, but I feel with my close family, I'm more comfortable doing it myself.

I understand if it's her family or couple friends.  And it's not like she hasn't told friends of her on her own.  I feel like this is another way for her to control me.  I've felt for a long time that she needs to maintain a level of control over or else she thinks she's going to lose me. 

Is it wrong that I want to tell some people on my own?  I am telling her before I do so I'm not keeping her out of the loop. 

[Ian68]

I'm inclined to agree with your wife - presenting a united front is typically a good way to go about it.  She's probably just trying to protect you.  Is there a specific reason why you want to tell them on your own?

[Laura_7]

You might have a look here for a few thoughts that might help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077
I personally also like the twin explanation... people will be like their male/female twin... with still the same sense of humour etc...
Some people explain their feelings in a letter and talk about it later...
well a talk instead has the advantage of being more flexible...
and, well, you might look for support groups...

I think people are different if its a one to one situation, especially with people they know.
On the other hand it might give her a feeling of being included .
So its up to you...


Well a possibility might be to talk about what fears are behind controlling behaviour...
maybe they don't want to talk about if first...
maybe some kind of reassurance would be possible...


hugs

[ChiGirl]

It's really just a couple of family members, my aunt & my cousin.  My cousin is so close, she's like a sister.  I told my brother by myself so I felt it was appropriate to tell her by myself.  There's also a level of animosity between my wife and that side of the family and I guess I don't need that pressure as well adding to my anxiety.  Thanks for the thought.