Flirting... without being a creep

[GnomeKid]

I'm almost certain i've asked this or a similar question before, so I apologize for the repeat question.

Somehow I missed the "talking to girls"/flirting part of growing up, and feel I can't really go there without getting into creeper mode or just making myself feel like an ass.  I never end up going to the creeper place because I edit myself from that before letting it out of my mouth, but what if those things are actually appropriate for the situation.. Maybe thats just how you get a girl.  Taking that risk?  Obviously not saying anything rude, but calling something someone does "cute" or something like that.

Been single 6 years, and I'm afraid I'm just making myself more awkward and undatable as time goes by and complexes build up. 

Thanks for any advice you have!

[sparrow]

Flirting is weird.  In my experience, it's all about confidence.  Too little confidence, and you can come across as creepy (or that's how it was with me... I'm quiet, so I'd kinda lurk rather than flirt... creeepy!).  Too much, and you're an ass (I only know this from watching others).

Flirting can be crazy subtle... I've never been overt, but here's some things that worked for me.  Smile if she looks your way.  Watch her eyes when you talk to her, but glance at her mouth from time to time.  When other people say things, funny or serious, look at her reaction.  If you accidentally (do not fake an accident, that's creeper territory) touch her, overreact a little bit (she'll know you're thinking about her personal space, and if you're awkward like me, that's a "tell").  Compliment her on something other than her personal appearance.  Try to make her laugh or smile, try too hard if she's looking down.

All that subtlety is for nothing sometimes... I got my wife's attention by sarcastically talking about how damned sexy I was.  She thought I was flirting, I thought I was being silly and self-deprecating.

[StrykerXIII]

I never really flirted...I just flat-out told my fiancee that I was falling for her and I wanted to give it a shot.

[Ms Grace]

I had absolutely no idea how to flirt...

[noeleena]

H,
Okay im trying to figger out in what way you mean this and is it from a male or female perspective  is the tone in relastion to chatting to some one with the idear of asking the person out  or getting to know them or chat as at a meeting type place,  .

Flirting to me would be you wont them to notice you ,

I doubt people would say I flirt with them as I know them and their partners and im not a threat to them   im very expressive very friendly and stand very close to most and lighty touch them as we do most normaly  remember im a female so many of us are like that  ,we do have a closeness that many males don't , and they have known me for some years and others who don't would soon see how I interact with people both male and female and children ,

Could it be misconstrued  possiable  I would not rule that out , though when your involved with 1500 people  they would soon ask their friends and some I work with any way on our projects so its close quarters much of the time any way .

I think the ? is ,

you wont this person to notice  you .

your playing games .

or your being a prat.

or your setting some one up ,

or you wont to date this person .  this seems to me to be the real ? .

If that's the case , then just act normal  talk normal and don't try and be other than just you .

...noeleena...

[suzifrommd]

I'm totally the wrong person to ask since I'm pretty socially clueless, but I'll give you the socially clueless point of view.

I could never figure out whether flirting would be welcome by women, and like you I didn't want to be a creep. So instead I paid attention. Asked them questions about themselves. Listened attentively. Smiled a lot.

None of those things came across as creepy.

[Ian68]

Effective flirting has more to do with tone, eye contact, and body language than anything else.  Eye contact is a big one - for men and women alike, but different types of contact work better (typically) in each case.  Women tend to respond more to maintained contact and less talking.  Men tend to respond more to repeated but much briefer contact and more talking.  These are huge generalizations, however, and I know of at least two straight guys (myself and a close friend) who respond much more strongly to maintained contact and even dialogue or slightly more talking by the other person.


Another thing is that flirting shouldn't be something that you do to get something from someone; it should simply be used as a way to communicate attraction - no strings attached.  It requires a degree of empathy so that you can pick up the signals of whether or not your advances are wanted or if they're making the other person uncomfortable - the truly confusing thing is when they cause both feelings (if this happens, you may continue to flirt but do not do so in an effort to advance a relationship because the person is holding back for a reason - if they want to tell you why, that is up to them, but don't push it).

[MugwortPsychonaut]

To me, it's way easier to flirt with guys than girls. And I only like guys a little bit! Flutter your eyelashes. Do that thing where you tilt your head down slightly and look up at them with big eyes. Who says you can't do this with women, too?

I dunno, sometimes it comes so naturally to me, and sometimes I feel more awkward than a bath with my grandmother.

[GnomeKid]

I'm totally the wrong person to ask since I'm pretty socially clueless, but I'll give you the socially clueless point of view.

I could never figure out whether flirting would be welcome by women, and like you I didn't want to be a creep. So instead I paid attention. Asked them questions about themselves. Listened attentively. Smiled a lot.

None of those things came across as creepy.

Yea... I think this may be my best option.. Everything else too easily gets creepy way to fast.  I don't know.. I'm terrible at socializing without purpose. 

Thanks for all the advice and commiseration! 

[Bleeps and Bloops]

To flirt is to balance a small bit of sarcasm with interest in the person without seeming invested in or expectant of any outcome. Smiling, eye contact, forward body language etc are important.

Living as a guy (while being mtf in reality), I find myself flirting with girls even when I don't mean to, it's kind of just something I picked up in spite of being socially anxious a lot of the time (and I'm not even sexually attracted to girls). If you don't feel like a hot guy and you're hung up on different problems with your body or face, every little thing bothering you will come off as an air of creepiness. You have to let yourself FEEL like an attractive person before even the least attractive girl with be receptive of your flirting. Girls don't like guys that give off the "ugly" vibe, regardless if they're really hot or not.

It's not even confidence so much as just getting over the fear of being inadequate or incapable in some way