Dealing with parents

[Mayor Mare]

OK, quite a long time ago I finally accepted that I was a girl, and I would really like to transition before puberty ruins my body anymore than it already has. The problem is, I know what my parents think of transgender people, and they would never support me in transitioning. (I'm not even going to try coming out) So, my only other option is to wait until I'm 18 with a fully male body. It pains me to even think about that, but there is nothing left for me to do besides deal with it. It helps to do some of the things suggested in my previous thread such as wearing female underwear or using deodorant meant for girls, but it only goes so far. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.

[sam1234]

Mayor Mare,
I take it you like horses. I can't tell you what to do, but sometimes what our parents can't accept in others they will accept in their own child. If you haven't already, do as much research as you can. Not only on transitioning, but theories as to why it happens. You will have to sort through some papers that are biased and untrue, but stick to the ones that show transgenders in that it wasn't a choice, but rather something that went wrong in utero. Make sure not to suggest that your mother did anything wrong during gestation, but something like a neurologic anomaly.

If you can't do that, you might want to go someplace where no one knows you an pass. If nothing else, that may give you some relief. If you haven't started growing facial hair yet, you can probably do it.

Remember, even if you do it at 18, your parents are going to go through the stages of grief. Finding out that your child is a girl instead of the boy they thought they had is very much like losing a son. They may be angry, depressed, guilty, the whole realm or just some of the stages. Give them time to work it out and try to be patient with them.

Stay strong.

sam1234

[suzifrommd]

The best I can come up with is to try to educate your parents about gender dysphoria. Make sure they know:
* Being trans is not something you choose. You were born that way.
* Being trans is SERIOUS. Anxiety and depression are common among those people who ignore it.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own.

Emphasize how crushing it is - it's not ordinary unhappiness. It literally drives someone crazy. Try to find other adults to help you. A trusted relative? A counselor at school? If not, is there a PFLAG chapter near you? Articles on transgender children might be helpful also, if you can get them to read it.

Be persistent. They may not hear you at first, but when you hear something over and over again, eventually it can sink in.

Hugs. It's one of the toughest things when the people who should be loving and supporting you the most end up being your biggest obstacle.