Is this normal? so confused!

[Alysinspace]

Spiro can take T down to female levels, depending on how much you take and how you respond, of course.   It is considered a relatively weak anti-androgen and it's anti-androgenic effects are considered a side effect.  It is a serious enough side effect for those taking it for non-trans purposes that unwanted feminization effects are all over the literature.

It can take a lot of Spiro to bring  levels down sufficiently on its own.  Estradiol is a very strong steroid.  It can be used alone to reduce T levels  and that was a common approach decades ago.  Current practice, however, is to balance a regimen of anti-androgens and estradiol.   Spiro is used because it works, especially in conjunction with estradiol, it's cheap, and it is pretty benign for long-term use (meaning more than a few months).

Like many,  my doctor started me on Spiro alone.  Even with a modest bump above the starting dosage, it still only took me down from about 900 to 350 ng/dl.  I also developed a hyperkalemia problem right out of the gate. Fortunately, I didn't require large doses of estradiol to bring my T levels down to the 50 range and my E levels to about 200 pg/ml.  I know plenty of others who have taken several times the Spiro dosage I take  and/or several times the estradiol dosage I take.

Finally someone who understand what the medicine they take does to them.

[Autumnleaf]

Thank you all for the informative replies!

So, just to be clear, I have a GP who is a specialist in transgender health care and a GD therapist who has been in the field for many years so it does make things so much easier.  Also, I will be starting E next month, so yeah.  I don't question that part of myself. 

I was just wondering who else had those days where they had doubts when they started.  That's all.  It's quite weird because of course, now I'm feeling the dysphoria again and I don't think I can repress it for another year.

[Autumnleaf]

I've been on a full dose of spiro and a low dose of estradiol for about six months now.  The dysphoria and depression lifted almost immediately, similar to what you're describing.  Placebo or not, my head cleared up and I felt normal.  I've been able to take some time to make a clear-headed decision.  And I've definitely gone back and forth about it the last few months.

Thank you katie!  Although I'm not on estradiol yet, the spiro in itself feels like it has already relieved the GD.  One of things that my therapist mentioned was that she wasn't sure if spiro in itself would relieve the GD, but the fact that I'm taking all the steps towards transition is also possibly causing the GD to dissipate a little.  Thank you for sharing your experience!  And as odd as this sounds, now I'm excited to start E. 

Autumnleaf, it's normal to have doubts, and to feel all kinds of crazy stuff as you begin transition. I had a number of "OMG what am I doing" moments.

If you're concerned that transition may not be for you, remember that you can take things as slowly as you like. Have you thought about starting with low-dose HRT?

Eveline, thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one with doubts.  I think the doubts aren't so much about whether I'm trans-fem or not, but more like OMG, I have to quit my job! OMG I have to come out to family!  OMG I look too male!  OMG people are going to notice changes before I'm ready!

I thought about starting on low dose E but I'll have to talk with my GP and maybe decide what's best.

To OP: I believe the best way to find out what you need is to try estrogen, and then after a month or two decide whether it makes your life better or worse. It's really the only way to know for sure.

Hi Rina, love the name!  It's my daughter's nickname!

And I'm actually excited again to get started on E.  This whole GD thing and the back and forth, yo-yo feelings are so distressing.  I'll want to see if it makes me feel different/better. 

[Claraaa]

I am starting a low dose HRT treatment this week.  To start off with Spiro only and then adding Estradiol later.  I found this thread very helpful.  Thank you all for Shari g your experiences.

Clara

[katiej]

Eveline, thank you for making me feel like I'm not the only one with doubts.  I think the doubts aren't so much about whether I'm trans-fem or not, but more like OMG, I have to quit my job! OMG I have to come out to family!  OMG I look too male!  OMG people are going to notice changes before I'm ready!

Things start to feel very real as you go through these steps. It was one thing when I was the only one who knew and I was planning to take the secret to my grave...all the while wishing I could transition.  But then you take the first couple steps and for me it wasn't so much doubt, but more like a feeling of "wait a minute...am I actually doing this?!?"

Why do you have to quit your job?

[Autumnleaf]

Things start to feel very real as you go through these steps. It was one thing when I was the only one who knew and I was planning to take the secret to my grave...all the while wishing I could transition.  But then you take the first couple steps and for me it wasn't so much doubt, but more like a feeling of "wait a minute...am I actually doing this?!?"

Why do you have to quit your job?

Sigh, it's not that "I absolutely have to quit" but since I work in a very very male dominated work environment, coming out or fully transitioning isn't a option for me.  The only problem is, my job pays very well and I'm quite good at it with an excellent reputation.  Because of that, I was planning on staying for 2 more years so that I would have enough saved up for ffs and some other procedures before leaving.