Just so Restless about starting.

[Nickywhat]

I hope I'm posting this in the correct area >.<!  So I just joined Susan's Place and had my introductory thread posted and figured this was the next area to post.  I haven't started HRT or any form of therapy yet (curse you weekends!) but I'm pretty sure this is the direction that I want to take my life and myself as a person through.  The only problem is that I am beyond restless and this is something kinda new for me :/.  It took years for me to go from being in denial of my sexuality, to playing it safe as Bisexual to finally coming out as Gay, however it wasn't really a difficult process and it kinda naturally came to.  With my sudden realization of that my denial stemmed further to the point that I've been subconsciously aware of how much of a feminine side I have and identify more so with, I have been nothing but restless.  It feels like my entire body is screaming at me and making me anxious, nervous and just a implosion of a wreck, occurring all within. 

*sighs*  With some added complications of losing my medical insurance because my job stopped supplying it to employees (because of the U.S.A.'s healthcare reform) I was unable to continually meet or keep in check with my Doctor (who has been a fantastic individual and was welcoming to me as an individual after I told her  I was Gay and treated me just the same).  So after going through so many hoops and waiting-waiting-waiting, I finally obtained my new medical insurance and fastforward to my abrupt "light bulb" moment of who I am, I'm now trying to get back in touch with her and hope to all ends that she can still see me as a patient.  Which of course is step 0 before I even begin the preliminary steps to hopefully start HRT.  The weekend is coming to an end, so hopefully I'll get through this in no time, sadly I'm just a mess atm :/

[IdontEven]

The waiting thing is pretty rough. It's hard to have patience when it seems like you've been waiting for this your whole life, huh?

Anyways, one step, one day at a time. We might not win the race, but our odds of finishing are a lot higher :p

[Nickywhat]

*sigh* Well the good news is that my doctor is still in practice AND in the same location.  I was able to talk to a receptionist and she was able to get me an appointment....within 3-4 weeks  T-T.  I know this is such petulant behavior but it's just absolute agony for me!  The receptionist had me jot down what I wanted to see her for and my heart froze for a split second (the room was filled with people) and I ended up writing down a bull->-bleeped-<- of "general checkup and personal questions" which for whatever reason felt difficult to write down.  I was hoping I'd get a 1-2 week kinda time span so not only could I get things setup faster, but also to get this down before my mum comes back from Vacation ( I haven't told her yet, though  I told her I'd need to talk to her).

Just so much mounting up that I feel like a nervous wreck :/!

[Rachel]

Hi,

I have found e-mail to be a good way to explain who I am. Also, for a general checkup  there is no hurry but for HRT the first step is blood work so getting the ball rolling sooner will help.

[Nickywhat]

Hi,

I have found e-mail to be a good way to explain who I am. Also, for a general checkup  there is no hurry but for HRT the first step is blood work so getting the ball rolling sooner will help.

Hi Cynthia! Sadly my Mother is technologically inept and has little access to such devices.  I kinda just wanted to get the first visit/step and be on my way beforehand but doesn't seem to be that way >w<!  I dunno if my Doctor is familiar with Transgender and the aspect of transitioning ( I live in a small state and i think people who aren't in the social "norm" are very perplexing) but I feel confident she'll be supportive and professional.  I just don't know what  I can do to calm down.  I've tried exercising, reading, movies and even work doesn't alleviate this >o<!  Is this somewhat normal until things go under way?  I mean I'm sure enough to know it's just me and it's human nature, but sometimes it's just so confuzzling ( yay made up word!).

[KristinaM]

Yes, the waiting can be agonizing can't it?  A couple weeks ago I called my GP and he had a spot open up that very evening, so I went to see him for a general, hey, how's it going appointment and to ask for a referral to an endocrinologist.  I also called my neurologist and asked for a referral too.  Whatever happened I don't know, but the stars aligned and I got my foot in the door with the only endocrinologist in the area who specializes in transgender issues.  I'm supposed to have a letter of recommendation before I can get an appointment, but I managed to work the system somehow and get the appointment while I wait for my therapist to write the letter.

Here's the kicker though and the point of all this.  My endo appointment isn't until the end of November!!!  3-4 weeks should be a cakewalk by comparison.    Try waiting 6 months!  An appointment may open up sooner, but I have no way of knowing until they call me.

Good luck! 

[Nickywhat]

Yes, the waiting can be agonizing can't it?  A couple weeks ago I called my GP and he had a spot open up that very evening, so I went to see him for a general, hey, how's it going appointment and to ask for a referral to an endocrinologist.  I also called my neurologist and asked for a referral too.  Whatever happened I don't know, but the stars aligned and I got my foot in the door with the only endocrinologist in the area who specializes in transgender issues.  I'm supposed to have a letter of recommendation before I can get an appointment, but I managed to work the system somehow and get the appointment while I wait for my therapist to write the letter.

Here's the kicker though and the point of all this.  My endo appointment isn't until the end of November!!!  3-4 weeks should be a cakewalk by comparison.    Try waiting 6 months!  An appointment may open up sooner, but I have no way of knowing until they call me.

Good luck! 

Thanks hun for the response and for putting some perspective to it all! >w< Today has been a better day for me to deal with it all, just trying to mentally prepare myself for whatever else I need to take steps for after the initial start.  I'm also hoping that i can swing by without having to deal with a therapist as I really don't like them.  I've studied Psychology and therapy, so I already have an understanding of the practice and I do understand it has benefits...but I can't shake how....fake it all feels when actually in a session xP!  Ah well, come what may, just want to be the person I want to be!