Coming out to mentally challenged brother as trans?

[nyrangers30]

Hi everyone. I am a transsexual man and I'm 21 years old, 8 months on testosterone. I have a brother who is 29 but had severe aggressive cancer as a child and the excessive radiation left him very physically and cognitively disabled. He lost most of his vision and hearing and has the cognitive ability of maybe a 5 year old and his conditions worsen with age. When I came out to my family, my parents decided they did not want to attempt to explain it to my brother. I thought he might notice my changes on T but he hasn't probably because of his bad sight and hearing. The problem is, my birth name is extremely feminine. He calls me it and uses all female language  in reference to me. I was okay with it at first but now that I am passing, it's getting a lot more complicated. I cannot be in public with him because he will unknowingly out me. Him calling me my birth name confuses other people and causes them to accidentally misgender me. It is starting to really affect my mental health. It makes me feel horrible that my brother gives me anxiety, I have to avoid him sometimes, and he doesn't know who I truly am. I would do anything to change this.

I was wondering if anyone here has had any experience dealing with coming out with someone with disabilities, or at least coming out to young children who have little understanding. I want to see what methods people have used that were successful to try to convince my parents to attempt to tell my brother about me. Or if anyone has any resources that could help me.

Thanks

[awilliams1701]

There are little kids in my neighborhood. I tell them things I don't exactly believe, but I figure its easier to understand. I told a 4-5 year old girl that asked me why I was wearing a dress that I would like to be a girl some day (I'm already a girl, but this is where I think it was a better choice of words for her age). That seemed to work for her. She even told me that she hopes I get my wish. On the other hand I had a boy (about the same age) that told me I was just a man in a dress and I'll never be a girl. I told him I don't care. I'm a girl and his opinion didn't mean anything to me.

[Tentacles]

That sounds tough. My advice is that you ask your parents to cooperate. Maybe even better would be if your brother has someone he looks up to and respects, who will refer to you with your new name and masculine pronouns in front of him and to him. You could sit down and have the talk but for there to be a positive outcome I imagine you'd need assistance from others as well. And also maybe you could try to explain it all in a positive manner. Just my thoughts, but I have no experience in this. I hope it goes well.

[Beth Andrea]

I have a 10 yo (at the time) nephew who is autistic. He asked me one day (early in my transition, when I was still very guy-ish) why I had a girl's name and wore girl's clothes...

I said that I am a girl "in here" (tapping my heart), but that I had been born with a male body. The doctors and I were working to change my body to fit who I am inside, to make me happy again.

He was fine with that, and other developmentally disabled people I've talked to also seem to understand it (or at least accept me as a woman).