Finally Came Out at 40

[GabriellaG]

Hi All,

    I finally decided to come out, and admit that I want to be a woman, I have always known this on the inside, but I have  neglected her from coming out. I do feel a sense of relief for the most part. Where I don't feel relief is how am I going to go through the whole transitioning? I am very successful as a male, and I feel like I will not be as a female. The other concern I have is my wife? She definitely doesn't understand this at all. She has made the statement, that I will stay with you as long as you don't go the whole way. I want to go all the way eventually, but I do see that my wife will not accept it. On top of all this I'm scared of the world around me and how I while be perceived. I have been taking femaie hormones via Estrodial Gel and androgens to feminize myself, I do have a lot of feminine traits, and the hormones have helped make be feel better and change my outer appearance somewhat.

Gabriella

[CarlyMcx]

About the only real difference between me and you is that I am not yet on hormones.  And luckily for me, my wife's youngest brother is gay, and she has another sibling who is MTF transgender (fully out and on hormones), and one of her besties is an openly gay male who does makeup in the film and TV industry.  So she is very open minded.

But like I told my wife I don't know about ever being out at work, because as a guy I am well off and powerful -- I have too much invested in being male.

What I do know is that I have to make some kind of transition, because doing so is the key to lowering my blood pressure and hanging on to my health.

I think the key to this is to walk the road one step at a time, and walk your own road, but take as many friends along for the journey as you can.

Like it or not, we are all in some form of transition, even if it is only a psychological transition to better understand ourselves.  But we each have to make our own transition, and there is no wrong way to do it.

[Boo Stew]

Congrats! I was about to post almost exactly what Carly wrote. One step at a time. I would add that you should recognize that when your partner says "all the way" neither of you have really defined what that means and although you say it's what you want now, there's no guarantee that will remain the case through out.

[Mariah]

Hi Gabriella, welcome to Susan's. As we start our transitions we all have those fears. A therapist could be big help to you. Congrats on coming out. I look forward to seeing you around the site. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

Please check out the following links for site rules, helpful tips and other info...

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

[suzifrommd]

Hi Gabriella, welcome.

I had the same concerns. I was successful and happy as a male but I needed to be female. I'm still glad I did it. Better to be myself. I'm still as successful in my career (though it seems to matter a little less). Alas my marriage didn't survive transition, but many of them do. It will be up to your wife and you have no control over what she decides. You can only control what you do.

Good luck. We're here when you need us.

[Rachel]

Congratulations.

I am successful as a male and will be coming out at work 9/1/2015. I too am apprehensive about work, my marriage and family.

[Maddy_Aya_W.]

First off, congratulations! It's never too late to start being yourself. I'm just starting to be honest with people, and it hasn't been easy for me either. My advice in dealing with your fears, is to talk with Someone. Someone who you trust, and won't judge you on your feelings. Just talking with a handful of friends, and my psychologist, has been extremely helpful to me. As well as talking with the fabulous people here at Susan's. Other than that, selfreflection has been another mainstay in keeping me sane. It's all very frightening, though, not exactly new to me. As  FDR once said, "the only thing we have to fear, is fear It's self". Go with what you feel is right, Nobody can tell you who you are, except you. Stay strong, and good luck on your journey.

~Maddy

[Jill F]

Congrats on coming out!  I did so at age 43, and I'm so glad that I did.  My wife is actually behind me 100% now, as she loves the new, happy version of me and she wouldn't have it any other way.  I think that once she realized that being married to a happy woman was far superior to being married to that miserable, drunken, dying shell of a man, it was settled.  She no longer worries about coming home to find a body or a quivering mass of despair.  Plus as a bonus I get to go out on girls' night out, go shopping and get mani/pedis together.

As far as how the world perceives me, I frankly don't care.  The people who hate me for what I am are irrelevant to my being and well, they weren't exactly going to be my friends anyway.  If I can serve as the middle finger they deserve personified, then so be it.

I get to live as I see fit now, and nobody can take that away from me.

All the best to you,
Jill