is it possible to be transgender and not realize it?

[catandry]

i've recently discovered i was bigender. well, technically the feelings are not recent but the term to go with them are. i like the way i feel better when i am identifying male. obviously i was born a female. at one point when i was a lot younger and dating a woman i told her i wanted to go through the surgery to change my body. she told me that it was a serious issue and she didn't think i needed to take it that far. after we broke up i stayed female for over five years, still feeling that male side but never doing anything about it until a few months ago when it broke loose online. im still confused as to whether or not im bigender or transgender. i know a lot about being gay and bisexuality but gender is a place where i don't want to open my mouth too much and say the wrong thing and offend anyone. it seems to me that when a person is transgender they know their whole life without questioning it. am i wrong? can anyone help here? i've been so pulled for the last week since i came out as bigender that i dont know what to do.

[Sammy]

Oh, it's perfectly possible and reasonable - as long as gender is involved, people often get confused and cant figure themselves out, especially, since everything and everyone around them insists that gender is fairly easy and straightforward - one should either fall in one box or another. If we all could understand ourselves and figure this all out "oh so simply" everybody would transition before their puberty (as long as they would live in supportive environment). Also, one could be aware that notions like "transgender", "transsexual", "bigender" and other exist, and might even relate to them but still be fairly ignorant or simply afraid to learn about all details involved. So, one would be aware of being trans, but not fully realising what it means and what consequences it may have on one's life. Hope that it helps a bit 🙂

[catandry]

Oh, it's perfectly possible and reasonable - as long as gender is involved, people often get confused and cant figure themselves out, especially, since everything and everyone around them insists that gender is fairly easy and straightforward - one should either fall in one box or another. If we all could understand ourselves and figure this all out "oh so simply" everybody would transition before their puberty (as long as they would live in supportive environment). Also, one could be aware that notions like "transgender", "transsexual", "bigender" and other exist, and might even relate to them but still be fairly ignorant or simply afraid to learn about all details involved. So, one would be aware of being trans, but not fully realising what it means and what consequences it may have on one's life. Hope that it helps a bit

it makes perfect sense actually. bigender makes things a bit confusing. it makes me run around going...well what if i want to switch back to my female self at some point? know what i mean? so i don't know how to move forward. so frustrating.

[Sammy]

it makes perfect sense actually. bigender makes things a bit confusing. it makes me run around going...well what if i want to switch back to my female self at some point? know what i mean? so i don't know how to move forward. so frustrating.

I would say that being non-binary (which includes bigender) is even more confusing and You should probably be approaching this with the purpose of finding the point of perfect internal balance (if that's even possible). I have read that many people cannot even imagine what being trans means, and I have to admit that although I identify on non-binary scale (being androgyne, primary female but enjoying a bit of masculinity), yet I cannot get my head around how being bi-gender might feel, and I really feel for You, because finding that tip of balance where You feel calm and comfortable might be even more tricky. But it is possible, nevertheless, especially if You, at least, have a basic understanding of where do You stand and what You are - the rest can be worked out with time, support and patience .

[Ms Grace]

Plenty of trans people can go many, many years without realising they are trans. Yes, they very likely feel that something is not quite right from an early age, but depending on many factors they may not connect the dots with that disquiet meaning they are trans.

[catandry]

thank you to both of you for responding. it means a lot you took the time. confusion never helps any, but i am doing my best to learn everything i can so that i can see how really feel, how my instincts about it are, without others influences. because at the end of the day no one can tell me what i am but me. and im sure you both know what i mean.  🙂

[kast]

Of course. We weren't born with the transgender wikipedia page already downloaded into our brains. 😉 I think it's quite common for young (or not so young) trans people to perhaps know that something is wrong, but have no idea what it's called or even if it's related to gender.

I don't know what being bigender feels like. I imagine it would complicate the idea of transitioning in any direction. But there are probably things you can do to alleviate dysphoria while also maintaining a balance and allowing for 'switching'. But idk what I'm talking about, how does being bigender feel for you? 🙂

[suzifrommd]

it seems to me that when a person is transgender they know their whole life without questioning it. am i wrong?

Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong.

It took me fifty years to figure out I was transgender. Not every knew when they were little. I transitioned two years ago and am very happy I did.

Does this help?

[gennee]

I didn't know I was transgender until I was 56. It was hidden from me. When I  did discover that I was trans, I understood why I felt that I was different all my life.


🙂

[catandry]

wow. i was definitely misinformed. i really had no idea, but i suppose our society does not make it easy. people telling you to do this or be this way or that. it can make life hell for a lot of us. thank you both for taking the time to answer. i don't know whether or not im transgender. the discovery of even the bigender "label" is new. i've always felt both presences in my body but i'm not sure where that translates to yet. 

[catandry]

Of course. We weren't born with the transgender wikipedia page already downloaded into our brains. 😉 I think it's quite common for young (or not so young) trans people to perhaps know that something is wrong, but have no idea what it's called or even if it's related to gender.

I don't know what being bigender feels like. I imagine it would complicate the idea of transitioning in any direction. But there are probably things you can do to alleviate dysphoria while also maintaining a balance and allowing for 'switching'. But idk what I'm talking about, how does being bigender feel for you?

the dysphoria is maddening right now. i am in therapy but we've just begun to deal with it since it's merely a week or so old. right now bigender feels really confusing. i want to be a man but then i question is this a switch or is this something permanent? and that question stifles me and does not allow me to be who i really am forcing me to switch between male and female when i really don't want to, at least not right now. does that make any sense?

[Mai]

think it is entirely possible.  for me, with  as knowledgeable as i am.  i didnt even know trnsgender ws a thing.  it never even occurred to me that i might even have the ption of switching physically.  to me it was like.  i hd the feelings but no means to which i was capable of expressinv them.  And now that i have an idea to represent what was in my head.  i know what all the thi.gs i had been feeling for so long actually mean