possible trigger a long time wondering

[sam1234]

Being an F to M, its hard to understand M to Fs wanting to get rid of the very thing that I wish I had. Do others feel this way? Not just F to M but also M to F. Do M to F wonder how someone would want to get rid of breasts or internal female organs?

I do understand it technically, and accept it, but have to admit that the thought of removing testicles and inverting a penis is hard for me to think about even though I'm sure M to Fs find it hard to think about getting rid of breasts etc.

Has anyone else had these feelings?

sam1234

[Abby Claire]

Yes, I do find it hard to understand because who doesn't like breasts?

[Deinewelt]

I can't speak for other MTF, but I always am completely confused by FTM for the same reason.  The only answer I have for you is that different people just have different gender identities and preferences about how they see and express themselves. 

[kelly_aus]

I have no problem with it.. People do what they need to do in order to have their bodies align with their identity, pretty simple stuff really. Just because I want/like my breasts doesn't mean I can't/don't understand why a trans guy would want to be rid of his..

[suzifrommd]

Sam, my big mystery is why anyone would want to be a man, physically or socially. Though I never minded having that dangly thing. It was not being shaped right that I minded (if that makes sense).

The idea of having the female part is so attractive to me that's it's hard for me to conceive anyone not wanting one.

Gender wiring is powerful.

[Cindy]

One of the hardest things anyone can do is to think how anyone can hate a body that does not match their gender.

Cis people (bless them) cannot understand and TS men and women cannot understand why their brothers and sisters desire to look as their brains see themselves.

For women the surgery is good and we can create a body that matches our soul, even if we lose out on the gift of bearing children. I cry at times of the torture my brothers have to go through in order to have a body that matches theirs. Sadly your surgery is more intensive and less successful. And the desire to be a father to your children must be as dysphoric as is ours in being unable to be pregnant.

I do wonder at times how we all feel how we do; the dichotomy of gender presentation is sad and fascinating. The more I learn, the more I am fascinated that (cisgender) gender therapists can see who we are and help us.

How can they understand? How can cispeople understand? Maybe we are only ever accepted but never understood.

It always amazes me how we struggle on through incredible odds and try our best to be true to our gender. What a driving force we have!

No one understands what it is to be trans*. Yes, men can understand men and women can understand women. But it is hard to understand each other.

I try too; knowing if we cannot - who else can?

As Suzi said - Gender wiring is powerful.

[Rejennyrated]

I submit that in many respects Star Trek and Lt. Commander Data is a jolly good analogy.

He strove so hard to be human and yet in a real sense could never be other than android.

So it is for us. Thus it can be shown that cis people can actually understand because in the stories of Pinochio and Data we have our own drama written large.

I do understand F to M because ultimately we all have a notion of our place in the world, and when reality does not conform the inevitable response is pain. Thus though I am delighted not to have owned a penis for the last thirty or so years, I can appreciate that for someone who feels they should have one, it absence must feel like a terrible blow.

[JoanneB]

As an MTF I "Get" why others don't want anything to do with the dangly bits. Sure, I'd rather not have them. But like most other physical aspects of myself, I became resigned to my fate and adapted. Heck, the dangly bits and I have had a lot of great times together, especially with company over 

I look at it this way, males have one anatomical feature that makes them "men". So sure, an MTF wants nothing to do with it. Just as women have their one anatomical feature that makes them "women". Again, an FTM will want nothing to do with it either. 

[Ms Grace]

The concept of someone transitioning from female to male did bamboozle me for a while, until I met a trans guy. I knew him pre transition and he struck me as a cute young woman. When he started transitioning I just wished we could trade up and swap bodies. But I got a better sense that he was becoming himself, the transition aligned him with how he identified with himself. He may have been born in a female body but he was never a woman.

[Contravene]

For most trans people being in the wrong body causes heartache and even flat out trauma. Because of that I think it's normal to wonder why someone would want something that's caused you so much pain. That's where you need to have the self awareness and empathy to realize "Wait, they feel just like I do but in the opposite way." When a person is either unable or unwilling to realize that then it becomes a problem.

I think it's also one of the reasons many cis people have a difficult time understanding why a person would want to transition. They don't even have the experience of dysphoria to understand why people would want to.

When I was a kid going through puberty one of my aunts had her breasts removed and reconstructed due to breast cancer. At first I couldn't understand why she would want new ones reconstructed, "why would she want those things back?" after they had caused her, and my developing ones were causing me, so many problems. After a lot of wondering about it I realized that they were a part of her body that she valued as strongly as I hated mine so I could understand why she wanted that part of herself back. For her they belonged there, for me they didn't and it was as simple as that. And my empathy grew three sizes that day.

[Dee Marshall]

I've felt that way. Intellectually I understand trans men by analogy, but deep down, I can't. With me it's not the genitals, I don't have that kind of dysphoria. I don't hate my penis except when it gets in the way. For me it's testosterone. T has played such heck with my mind that I can't imagine why anyone would want it. It made me belligerent, angry, hurtful. It led me to do things I'm not proud of. I tell myself that all that was because my brain wasn't made for it, but I don't know if that's really true. To watch people I like and respect put that into their veins makes me fearful that it will turn them into the same kind of hidden, raging monsters that I know I secretly was, no matter how well I hid it. Guys being guys scares me. But that's my problem and, intellectually, I can understand that FtoMs might well feel about estrogen the way I feel about testosterone.

[Contravene]

I've felt that way. Intellectually I understand trans men by analogy, but deep down, I can't. With me it's not the genitals, I don't have that kind of dysphoria. I don't hate my penis except when it gets in the way. For me it's testosterone. T has played such heck with my mind that I can't imagine why anyone would want it. It made me belligerent, angry, hurtful. It led me to do things I'm not proud of. I tell myself that all that was because my brain wasn't made for it, but I don't know if that's really true. To watch people I like and respect put that into their veins makes me fearful that it will turn them into the same kind of hidden, raging monsters that I know I secretly was, no matter how well I hid it. Guys being guys scares me. But that's my problem and, intellectually, I can understand that FtoMs might well feel about estrogen the way I feel about testosterone.

I could say the same thing about estrogen. It does turn me into a raging monster at certain times and I can't wait to be rid of it. I've done things I'm not proud of and could say it was because of the estrogen, I actually have dozens of things I could blame my actions on, but that wouldn't be entirely true. It wasn't the estrogen's fault, it was my fault for letting my messed up emotions from it get the better of me.

It's also a pretty damaging myth that transmen become violent on T.

[Dee Marshall]

It's also a pretty damaging myth that transmen become violent on T.

I agree, the myth is damaging, and I don't subscribe to it. I was more violent, though, violent, thoughtless, led around by my penis. The difference is, transmen are NOT women.

[herekitten]

We always want what we can't have (biologically of course).  I would think its normal to have those thoughts.  What I wish and often think about is if there was some way we could switch out our parts via surgery.  Now that would be awesome.

[Jenna Marie]

Yep. I love breasts and LOATHED my penis; it's baffling to me how someone could feel the opposite. (On a gut level, that is. Like you, I completely support anyone doing what they need, and on an intellectual level it makes perfect sense to imagine that some trans men must have dysphoria inverse to my own. But my feelings aren't subject to logic...)

I'd also really love to have a uterus.

[awilliams1701]

Sam I can't comprehend why anyone would want a penis. I can't comprehend why all women aren't lesbians. Its one of those things where you can't understand unless your faced with that situation.

[kelly_aus]

Sam I can't comprehend why anyone would want a penis. I can't comprehend why all women aren't lesbians. Its one of those things where you can't understand unless your faced with that situation.

Apparently, some of us can understand.. I can see why a guy would want a penis. I can also understand why they don't want breasts. But then, I also understand why some trans women don't feel the need for SRS or FFS or any other surgeries.. But this thread does make me feel like I'm somewhat of a minority.

[iKate]

I always wondered that about FTM. I'm trying to be a woman physically so hard, they were born with it and giving it all up?

But I do know they are born with gender dysphoria just like me, so I understand why.

A phallus has the power to dominate and T increases physical strength. Facial features and hair make you look more aggressive and intimidating. However none of the above is for me.