I'm bored, so I'll make a post.
I've decided to go to college at the ripe old age of 33. It's something I've always wanted to do but felt wasn't in the cards. However recent events in my life led to me thinking it might not be such a horrible idea. The preliminary research I've done makes it look quite feasible. Certainly there are no hard barriers to entry I won't be able to pass, just lots of difficult hoops to jump through.
It's actually been a bit of a domino effect. I decided I'm going to transition, and in chasing down that dream I've decided more education is another dream I want to pursue. In looking at exactly what I want to study I've decided it has to be music.
Frankly these are all horrible terrible no good very bad unsafe ideas. Lots of risks, lots of unknowns, lots of work with no safety or guarantee that anything will work out even somewhat favorably at the end. But I don't care. I mean, I do...but not pursuing any of these things would leave me feeling incomplete.
After spending a lifetime wishing for things I thought I could never have I figure I don't want to spend the rest of my life post-transition looking at the guitar on the wall and feeling that old familiar ache, or wondering about all the wonderful knowledge I've missed out on.
So! I've spent the last two weeks studying my butt off to catch up on things I've forgotten or simply never learned. I practice the guitar until my hands are sore. I exercise until my muscles can't take any more. I think "What if I get in?" and I'm scared. And I'm scared that I won't. I wake up every day so excited I can hardly sit still. (Excitement, it turns out, is anxiety + hope...who knew!)
I'm forcing myself to take a break over the weekend to let myself recuperate a bit, but holy crap I'm bored. I have no interest in tv or video games or reading books or anything else. If it doesn't move me closer to my goal I simply don't have any interest in it, but my body's pretty angry at me at the moment so I think a break is in order.
I wouldn't mind having some long and involved conversations, but my friends have all "mysteriously" decided they've got more important things to do these days than hang out. The timing is slightly more than coincidental. Oh well.
Anyway...hope you're all doing well and managing to occupy your free time better than I am :p
