Telling adolescent nephews/neices that you're trans

[Sophie Lou]

I wanted to fly back to Chicago, where I grew up to see my family for the first time since transitioning, for support and because I miss my family.

My dad told me not to come. Said my 9 year old nephew wouldn't be able to handle it. Said to wait til I have transitioned all the way.

My other sisters are ignoring my texts to come visit. Now I understand why.

I know that there is a sensitive process to introducing my transition to nephews and nieces, but he is using the kids as a way to not have to see me, I think.

What has your experience been with  younger neices and nephews. There ages are 8-14. Two girls and two boys.

I'm really shocked and sad. My dad had been so supportive over the phone. I was shocked to be so rejected. He said some other nasty things.

I'm very hurt and angry. [emoji17]


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[stephaniec]

my niece is 26 and since I told her I haven't heard from her.

[marsh monster]

at the time, my youngest niece was 7, the only issue with her was that she was picking up on her dad's(one of my brothers) discomfort. It took a while for him to get over it, but after that, it wasn't an issue for her anymore and she would actually correct her dad when he used the wrong pronouns. Two other nieces that were I think 13 and 14 at the time were fine with it and wanted to start calling me aunt right off, they are my little sister's girls. An older niece, close to thirty at the time had no issues and both her kids, a boy and a girl, has only known me as  I am now, so no worries there.

A lot of how kids handle it depend on their parents, if there are issues there, then the child may reflect the parent's discomfort when they pick up on it.

[Cheska]

I've found that my nephews and neices (and my youngest sister who's only 14) are not only accepting but they've adapted to pronouns and my name change much easier than the rest of my family who occasionally slip up.

As mentioned above, their parents views might be a factor in this. My siblings were all pretty accepting so that hasn't been an issue for me.

[Wild Flower]

The day I come out.... all rejectors or what not are nonexistant in my eyes.

Yes I think you are right... its an excuse not to see you.

[Sydney_NYC]

My niece (26) and Nephew (16) in Tennessee had zero issues. Both of them had only one question and that was if it was OK to call my Aunt Sydney. Of course I said yes.

My Nephew here in NJ that is 10 with moderate autism had no issues either. His reaction was "ohh your a girl, OK".

My Cousin in TN has a 14 year old daughter who was very open and asked some questions. Turned out her friend in school was thinking of transitioning MtF and we talked for a while.

The problem is usually with the parents, not the kids IMHO.

[enigmaticrorschach]

no idea. my blood nieces and nephews have religious parents so if i ever told them, all hell would break lose. i havent yet told them and i dont think i will. even in my adopted family, i doubt the in-laws would take it well and i would be probably be barred from going on those trips to MD though my brother would say come along

[katiej]

My experience has been that younger kids usually have zero issues with it.  Their world is about pretending and playing.  So, the idea of feeling one way inside and looking different on the outside makes a lot of sense to them.

I have four kids, ages 12-4.  The younger two needed very little explanation.  The older two needed more.  All four needed to be reassured that it doesn't change our relationship and that I'm not abandoning them.  My 8 year old needed to know that this won't happen to him. The oldest needed to know that this doesn't affect him, and I won't embarrass him at school, etc.

Part of it really is generational though.  People younger than 30 tend to be more accepting anyway.

I have noticed, though, that kids can take their cues from unaccepting parents.  Kids tend to pick up their parent's biases and prejudices.  In the case of a messy divorce, kids will usually pick a side.  But that's true for non-trans related divorces as well.

My anecdotal experience (mine and quite a few trans friends I have with kids) is that kids are accepting when the relationship is good.  Adult children are a bit of a wildcard.  So I would suggest talking with your dad openly about it.  Tell him it hurt you, because you suspect that he's using the kids as an excuse.


I wish you the best of luck.  And please do keep us updated.  🙂

[jessical]

I have a niece who is 19 and a nephew is is 15.  Both were the most accepting out of all my family.  Especially my niece is now a strong ally.

Even outside my family, kids are very easy going about it.  They just accept it and move it.  It is a model for adults.

[suzifrommd]

My nephew was 12 when I started transitioning. He's had no problems with it. Still gives me a hug when he sees me.

I think you're right that the adults are using the kids as an excuse to avoid their own issues.

Hugs, Sophie. Having an unsupportive family requires a lot of strength.