Hey guys.
The past few months have been a bit of blur, as I've had so much going on. I've made a lot of progress in my life, and I thought I'd share.
I just graduated from college. Whoa. This hasn't fully sunk in yet. Still, I should be happy. I did it. There were times, when I was falling apart at the seams, when I wasn't sure I'd make it, but I did. And while I don't yet have a job, I've learned how to do what I've always wanted to do. I've also met some truly incredible people. To be honest, I'm amazed by how much I've grown as a person these past four years. When I started I didn't have much hope for the future, while now I feel better than I have in years.
I've gained a lot of self-knowledge as well. In fact, for the two months or so, I've felt a clarity about myself that I hadn't felt in ages. This has included not only who I am and what I want to do with my life, but also those thorny issues of gender and sexuality that were tripping me up. For example, when I first saw my therapist, I stated "I want to be a girl, but I don't know if I am one." I can now answer that in the affirmative. Moreover, the doubts I had regarding my sexuality, that liking something or being okay with using certain body parts might somehow negate my femininity, have been largely assuaged. Overhearing guys talking about sex and realizing I don't think like they do helped. And God bless women talking about [kinky] sex on the internet! What would I do without them?
I also seem to be doing better about recognizing when things are triggering me, and being cognizant of what's going on when my anxieties strike.
I've also made several new friends recently, something which means a lot to me. I hope to nurture these friendships into something lasting, and not just let everyone walk out of my life like I have in the past. I learned that one of my classmates is also a transwoman, and I came out to her as well (I hope to be her friend, but just knowing you're not alone is a big help). I also had another friend of mine come out to me as bi, and I feel closer to her as well.
And that's to say nothing of my home life. I actually let my mother see me walking around the house in a skirt, and she seemed to be okay, so I'm guessing she's coping well. But I guess the most important thing is that I'm feeling a lot better about myself, and seem to have finally obtained some much needed self-acceptance.
And now I think I need to just relax and enjoy a bit of time off.
