What does being Openly Trans* mean to you?

[Erica_Y]

A topic that Cindy started called "Does being openly trans* help others?" spawned a question about what does this really mean in practice to me and others?

For myself I do not hide or deny I am trans* at anytime if the topic or conversation has come up for some reason which does not happed that much. The most likely reason is that I need to out myself in regards to family or legal matters other wise people do not seem to know. I make no effort to tell them or volunteer information upfront unless I need to. I have always assumed they would just know as I feel I am obvious and things would start from that basis however that has not been the case it seems so I am very fortunate and still mystified. When I needed to I do not hesitate and I end up outing myself and having the conversation which to date has had positive outcomes to my knowledge. As an example I have had to out my self probably 75 or more times in the last 3 months due to my 11 year old daughter being in the hospital and once I explain things then there has not been any sort of personal inquiry by anyone however there has been absolutely no negative impacts either to my knowledge. New staff come in sometimes daily and I have to repeat the process.

Stealth is not an option for me due to my age, work experience and having kids so by default I never considered it and just expected to be open and proud however I do not advertise either unless I need to nor do I openly wave the flag so to speak I just live my life and educate when I can or the opportunity presents its self.

Am I helping the community as a whole, who knows and would I be considered openly Trans*?

How do you all handle this idea of being openly Trans* and or what does it mean to you?

Thoughts and discussion welcome please....

[Eveline]

Erica, I've been thinking about this, too.

I want to be helpful to the trans community by being openly trans, and am still trying to find the best ways to do so.

One thing that I know I can handle is trying to be supportive on this board. It helped me so much early in my transition, and I love having the opportunity to give back. Since there are no fixed time demands or schedules, it's easy to squeeze in.

My gender therapist also suggested something unusual - being on local panel discussions she moderates for therapists in training. I was on one a couple of months ago, and enjoyed it, and am looking forward to doing more.

I also tried attending one of the local trans groups, but it's not clear what I can contribute there. Maybe I need to attend a few more.

I've also thought about blogging / writing about trans issues, but the time commitment is just too much right now. Still hoping to do this in the future.

It would be nice to hear other people's ideas about how to give back...

[Kellam]

For me right now "openly trans" has meant a few things...

When I came out I told everyone I knew and told them they could ask me anything.

I don't feel the need to disguise my transition and I am only doing the things I need to to make me feel better. For example, I don't wear any foundation so my beard shadow is a bit visible. That much makeup just isn't for me.

I will always remain open. If someone ever asks I will tell them I am trans. But that I am a woman.

I'm working up the courage to start blogging or vlogging. I would love to vlog as many of the youtube vids I have seen have realy helped me.

I am writing my second memoir. I wrote my first as I was coming out as an asexual and self published it. I wanted to help other asexuals feel normal, and I did. That was a very worthwhile project. When I read through it all too, I noticed another thread of constancy in my life. I saw that what I shared was my closeted life as a trans woman. I saw that I was still lying to myself and then the repressed memories and feelings came flooding back. A year and some later, here I am. So I am writing the full truth down. Because maybe there are more people I can help.

I used to be an artist and musician too though I quit making things when I got sober and headed out on my quest to discover myself, to find my truth. If I ever start making again I am sure I will find a way to stamp trans pride all over the end product.

[suzifrommd]

I give talks about what it means to be trans. I generally don't come out to people if they don't clock me until I get to know them better. But everyone at my workplace knows (because I used to be a man there) and everyone at my church knows because I came out.

[Erica_Y]

Eveline, good point about local support groups and I did go for a bit and then I tailed off. I should revisit the local groups and see what is going on. Everybody knew at work because that is were I transitioned but out side of that, family and close friends people do not seem to know. I have taken a real open door policy when ever somebody knew or I had to come out to them such as work and that has generally worked well and help to dismiss some myths and straighten out the perceptions.

My daughter wants to march in the Pride parade this year with me so I think we will do that together, she actually asked me yesterday when it was

I was also going to join a affirming church after being absent for a number of decades and we will se how that goes as well and where it takes me.

[awilliams1701]

For me right now it just simply means go out in public. I don't pass so anyone that sees me will know I'm trans.

In the future (hopefully) when I pass, it means finding opportunities to tell people that you're trans when they don't actually know. Currently I plan on doing this.

Right now I'm finding things are going really well. I'm planning on staying openly trans. However if I find that things start getting difficult, I may try to pull the cis-female card and go stealth. I will NEVER go back to presenting as a man though. I'm done with that.

[KylieW]

Now that I'm at the point where I can accept myself for who I am, even if I can't even begin transitioning being openly Trans* to me just means not hiding it anymore. I have no desire to go out in public and walk up to random people going "Hi, my name is... and I'm a pre-everything transsexual!" but if I'm talking with someone and the topic comes up sure, I'll say something unless I feel I'll get a severe negative reaction (violence).

I've been lying my whole life. I don't want to go from one lie (pretending I'm all male) to another (pretending I've always been female). Just doesn't seem right for me. Huge respect for the boys and girls that can go that far into stealth but I've no interest in it.

I wanna be accepted for who I am, even if it means that some people won't wanna talk to me. Which is cool, 'cause I wouldn't want to talk to them, either if they're that narrow-minded.

[Kellam]

I have been trying to get myself to a local support group, or more accurately several support groups of differing styles that happen each week in the same location, for months. As soon as I came out I knew I needed to go. But I am terrified of unfamiliar social situations especially when they are full of nothing but new people. Tomorrow one of the groups meets yet again and I think I am finally going to make it. I never thought of it as a way to be openly trans. That actually helps. If I can make doing something I am afraid of about someone else being happy and gaining I can forget myself, ease my anxiety a bit and jump in.

I need to do this...I have to...there are only so many of us even in a big city...gosh...it is still so scary but I want to do this...it would be so good for me on so many levels, in so many ways...sorry y'all I just needed to type this out...make it concrete...I'll read this a few times as the hour approaches...I can do this.

[kelly_aus]

For me it just means that I'm open and honest about who I am and my past - I don't try to rewrite my history to make it seem like I lived as female. If asked a trans-related question, I will answer it based on my experiences. I don't walk around with 'I'm trans!' tattooed on my forehead, but I know that my appearance let's people know. It's a part of who I am - a woman with an interesting past.

[katrinaw]

For me, being openly trans is about not hiding where you have come from, being proud of your determination and transition. Whilst you may not go around advertising the fact, when asked or someone is muting it, then you come out openly.

Not sure its something for everyone though, but as Cindy commented yesterday, the more open we are, the greater the acceptance, which I agree on... However one also has to weigh up the environment, benefits and consequences... As I said maybe not for all.

L Katy 

[JoanneB]

Like you, being stealth is not an option for most of the same reasons. But, when you think about it, that is exactly the same for about everyone who transitions at some age other then birth. There is a point that you were X and now Y. People knew you or of you as X and now....

I am also not one of those brave souls who can walk walk around with an "I'M TRANS, get over it" sign. At 6ft tall and big everything, I try my best to simply blend in. In my youth I garnered many unpleasent experiences for being different. None of which were trans related.

To date, it's just been part-time for me, yet never had a confrontation of any sort. Even in male mode I do what I can from advocay, such as the Maryland Senate hearings for the "Bathroom" bill, to support groups. Anything I can do to help ease someone else's pain is what drives me. I know the hell I lived through, the shame, the guilt, the hiding from yourself. It totally sucks and nearly totally ruined my life.

I did have a sort of anxiety attack Monday morning / Sunday night after the Bruce Jenner interview. I'm glad that was well out of everyone's mind where I work. Otherwise I just may have outed myself. I dodged that bullet  But lost a practice session for when/if I do go full-time

[Ian68]

Currently, being "openly transgender" means that despite rarely being perceived as male, I am out to everyone I know, ask them to use proper pronouns, and discuss trans-related things as casually as anything else.  I also blog, attend trans* groups (when possible), and engage online with many other transgender people.

In the future, it's likely that I'll develop "passing privilege," at which point, I will still openly discuss trans* topics, engage in activism, and discuss my own gender under similar circumstances to now, only instead of being initially read as female, I'll be read as male initially. 

For me personally, I have never intended to go "stealth" because I want to contribute to improving the climate for transgender people.  I'm also one of a very small number of transgender academics, and it's important to me to be an open representative of this demographic, and to encourage transgender youth to consider academia as a career path.

[Abby Claire]

It means I'm less likely to kill myself when I wake up tomorrow.

But seriously, I never shy away from admitting to being transgender. I rarely tell people before they ask and I do intend on being stealth outside my home one day, but since I'm in such an in between state right now and I don't pass 100% either way, I'm pretty open about it. I have such a rebellious nature that I sometimes go out feeling like being transgender is my big "F*** you" to society that I can wear as a badge of honor. It at least makes me giggle to myself and makes being in public more fun.

[Jessica Merriman]

I am very open and lobby for rights at our State Capitol. I attend all of the very public and social society events possible. I was recently on the front page of the 5 State "Gayly" newspaper discussing the conference I attended of the Baptist General Convention. Being open to me allows myself total freedom and a way to fight for those who can't. No way in the world to be stealth like this and I would not live that way anyway. The benefits are I never have to worry about being me or avoiding anything or anyone.

[Christine Eryn]

I consider myself without FFS openly trans. I know some people are able to clock me by their body language and how long they hold their gaze, like they are trying to figure me out. Probably my paranoia but I think sometimes that's what's happening. But, I just go out and do my thing and that's all there is to it.