How to have real-life experience without passing?

[Gothic Dandy]

Is this even possible? I feel like the next step in my transition is to actually adopt a male role in daily social life, but I'm pre-T and will never even slightly resemble a man without hormones. Or maybe I'm just being pessimistic.

Do you have any suggestions? I just want to be able to go to the store or downtown to see a friend without wondering who people see when they speak to me. In certain instances it's very important, e.g. "Is this guy striking up a convo with me as a manbuddy or as a potential piece of vagina?" The answer to that question determines how and whether I even talk to him.

I've been meaning to get into music and I thought about joining some forums with a male identity. But then what about when I start talking about my personal life, or what about when I tell them that the female vocals in the music are mine? What if I don't pass in my photos? I'd feel like a liar. Partly because I'm not really a man, I'm an androgyne, so I can't be gung-ho assertive about my masculine identity because that's not actually who I am. The question I dread most is "What are you really?" because I can't give an answer that the common binary person can understand. Whether I insist I'm a man or admit I'm a woman--both are lies. But I'd rather be perceived as male, and that's why I want to experience what this really feels like.

I also wonder, what if I'm not really non-binary, I'm just a man and can't admit it because I'm afraid, or I don't know what it feels like to be one? So I'm really craving this experience as a next step on my transgender journey. Do you have any tips for me?

[Valwen]

First it may help to find a good experianced therapist who can help you decide where you feel most comfortable in regards to your gender identity. As for passing as male, I don't know exactly what you look like but with a decent binder if required, a hair cut and a generally non feminine presentation (not nessasarily masculine just not feminine) you will likely be read by strangers at least as male, perhaps not alpha male type but male. Most trans masculine people I have met tend to be seen as younger than they are and sometimes people have thought they where gay but rarely have I seen someone in a casual setting assume transgender first.

I am MtF and I don't feel that I pass at all yet every day I get gendered female by strangers more than male, breasts+my haircut+make up = Female. Female with a deeper voice and who is a bit tall and not generally female shaped but most people don't want to think too hard about peoples gender. I think most people would just rather look at me and think, wow that's a ugly woman with a deep voice than consider that the whole world dosen't fit into there binary gender divide.

Serena

[teddybear_zach]

Serena is correct. The only people who misgender us the most are people who knew us in a past life. Before I started hormones or even came out I was always called Sir when I went to stores, or was out and about. Thats because I presented myself as a man in the way I dressed and carried myself. Even thought I wasn't even binding then they simply tagged me as a overly obese man. The only thing at that time that caused them to pause was my voice. Hell nowadays a voice can't even be the determining factor. Theres a cisman at my job that gets called ma'am on the phone every single day because he has a very soft feminine voice.

The moment you stop stressing over passing the moment you will realize that not too many people, especially strangers, care about who or what you are and how you identify.

[FTMax]

The hardest part about the early days of transition is the constant worrying about what other people think of you. As soon as you can get over that mental hurdle, you will be much better off.