Crappy head space

[kaidenhendricks89]

I came out as trans about four months ago and my work is the only place that I'm not "out".
When I first came out I felt nothing but relief and happiness!  (My wife is  super supportive which really helped)
I would have the odd day here and there that would have me in a bad mood but recently (within the last month) I feel more and more depressed and even having thoughts of suicide take over my thoughts, today is one of those days... at times I'm doubting if I should have come out ... I don't doubt I'm trans at all ... I'm just worried that transitioning won't give me the relief I'm looking for ... has anyone else ever gone through this?  How do you get out of it?

[FriendsCallMeChris]

Yes, I was there a lot, especially when I first accepted I was trans*.  Life seemed overwhelming when I realized how complicated transitioning would be, but how I couldn't un-know what I needed once I figured out out.  How did I get through it?  Therapy, therapy, therapy.  And, some days, out of nowhere, that sinking feeling will it out of nowhere.  Thankfully, my therapist does video conferencing when I need it.  It also helps me to watch before and after videos. They give me hope and encouragement.

[JenSquid]

I went through that as well. Took me like a year and a half to work through it. It was pretty overwhelming, and not exactly a fun time. As for getting through it, like Chris said, therapy, therapy, therapy. That and a lot of soul searching. For me, it was achieving a certain amount of self-acceptance that allowed me to reclaim my head space.

Hang in there.

[Abby Claire]

haha yes. I think everyone has been there. Hormones got me out of it. I was contemplating suicide daily and now I rarely ever think like that. And the down days that I do have I just remember how I felt before hrt and how I feel now. It's pretty easy to see that transitioning was by far the right decision.

[kaidenhendricks89]

Thanks ... crappy way to feel but nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way ... I'm hoping top surgery within the next month will really help and then starting hrt at the end of July.

[Mariah]

Goals are always in important in helping us make it through the difficult times. Hang on to them. Hugs Mariah

Thanks ... crappy way to feel but nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way ... I'm hoping top surgery within the next month will really help and then starting hrt at the end of July.

[kaidenhendricks89]

I dunno if transition will ever get me out of it. I've lost a lot of time and I can't ever do things like become pregnant or have a monthly cycle. That really doesn't make me happy at all.

That's one of my worries ... I'm worried that feeling that I will never be able to be a"normal guy"  will always stick with me,  that not being able to be the biological father to my future kids will always bother me. .. I worry that I will feel like I'm still living a lie ...

[iKate]

That's one of my worries ... I'm worried that feeling that I will never be able to be a"normal guy"  will always stick with me,  that not being able to be the biological father to my future kids will always bother me. .. I worry that I will feel like I'm still living a lie ...

Don't get me wrong though. I still feel tons better then I did before. I'm no longer constantly sick, all of my chronic health conditions are well managed (thanks in part to going to the doctor for HRT but mostly because I just want to enjoy life now) and I just feel better. This despite an inevitable loss of my marriage and probably other things as well as the loss of the ability to conceive/reproduce. Also lost is male privilege and security in some countries where women are treated like dirt. But I wouldn't give up being me for anything. I just want to be complete. Maybe in another life :\