Hi Echo,
My experience is very similar to yours. I'm a nerdy tomboy sporty physicist and for many years I remained on the fence as I could not help but associate my deeply rooted feeling to be and present like a woman with a strong case of "the grass is greener on the other side". I was essentially avoiding to make the very hard decision to transition while mistakenly, and maybe purposefully, bundling gender identity and expression together.
While I was living yet another "visiting the other side of the fence" crisis it suddenly dawned on me that primo, I had but one life to live which should not be a torture, and secundo, I could be a nerdy tomboy sporty physicist GIRL ! No need for me to oppose the parts of me that are more female and those that are more male. Just blend it all together !
In a nutshell, let's blend instead of opposing and let's not mistaken identity with expression.
Hang in there, you'll make it through,
Sincerely,
Martine
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