How do you respond to children who ask; "are you a boy or girl?"

[Tessa James]

This is fantastic.

You get many points for this, in my book. I think part of the problem with this stuff is that we're so sensitized, and it matters so much that the world should see us as we see ourselves. I'm not saying it doesn't matter -- it's hugely important to me -- but there's a time and a place. If we can respond in ways that get kids to think, and to begin to understand that it's not an either/or question, that is so much more valuable than expecting children to meet our emotional need for acceptance. That's not their job.

You have both nailed that one perfectly IMO.  Now if I can only retain this memory and presence of mind for my next opportunity with kids.  Thanks

[Rejennyrated]

Hasn't arisen since 1985 when I completed my SRS but this did actually happen once in a shopping Mall in Hounslow...

Them "Are you a boy or Girl?"

Me "YES!" [walks off into distance while they scratch their heads.]

[Daniel95]

Back in the day when I was working at "really popular fast food chain* I got misgendered a lot but I had to wear an id with my female name on it. While waiting in the queue boy kept telling his father "It's a guy." and I just said I'm an alien. I actually said that.

[Tessa James]

Back in the day when I was working at "really popular fast food chain* I got misgendered a lot but I had to wear an id with my female name on it. While waiting in the queue boy kept telling his father "It's a guy." and I just said I'm an alien. I actually said that.

Yes, i can certainly understand that response as that is how I felt for years

Hasn't arisen since 1985 when I completed my SRS but this did actually happen once in a shopping Mall in Hounslow...

Them "Are you a boy or Girl?"

Me "YES!" [walks off into distance while they scratch their heads.]

.

Simple and they still have to wonder........hmmm

[Bimmer Guy]

This is fantastic.

If we can respond in ways that get kids to think, and to begin to understand that it's not an either/or question, that is so much more valuable than expecting children to meet our emotional need for acceptance. That's not their job.

Spot on!

[AndrewB]

Hum, haven't run into this one! Kids either get it right away or... well yeah that's the only experience I've had, aside from arguing with my little cousin for about 3 hours on and off at Christmas on whether or not I was Andrew or [Birthname]. His parents were great and were trying to correct him, he just wasn't getting on board (it's hard for an inquisitive three-year-old, sometimes!). Oh well!

Conversely, I did have an experience on the bus where a little girl of 2 or 3 or so said she wanted to sit in my lap (she was hyped on sugary snacks, I think) and her mom said "You want to sit in her lap?" Her daughter looked at her like she was crazy and said "no that's a boy." The mother tried to correct her, the daughter refused to believe I was a girl, and finally I ended it with "No, I'm a man." I have no problem embarrassing people, apparently 

If it ever did come up, I think I'd just tell 'em the truth. "I'm a boy." If they prod... I dunno. Just keep insisting, I guess?

[Cynobyte]

 that explanation was that I "had regenerated".
[/quote]

Do you have a sonic screwdriver;)

[Tessa James]

Ha ha  Thanks all,

Is the term re-Jennerated coming soon?  (Sorry Caitlyn, couldn't resist)  Some kids also play with "Transformer toys" that can be a car or a he man.  Hmmm??

[Rejennyrated]

Ha ha  Thanks all,

Is the term re-Jennerated coming soon?  (Sorry Caitlyn, couldn't resist)  Some kids also play with "Transformer toys" that can be a car or a he man.  Hmmm??

Only if you all pay my © copyright fee.

My name is Jenny. Prior to training to be a doctor, I was a BBC video editor and I worked on THE Doctor (who). I am also a whovian - and honorary timelady.

I transitioned twice in my life - once in 1964 at the age of 4 and again at the age of 24 - so in a real sense since 1984 I have been RE JENNY RATED and I've been using that handle since 1985 (originally on CB).

which is why all over the world wide interwebz you will find my handle IS REJENNYRATED... © JPHD 1985 

[Tessa James]

Way excellent history, you go back on this Jenny.   But a bit puzzling too?  Was your 4 year old self allowed or facilitated in transitioning, and for how long?  My sister named me Tessa and played with me as a girl when I was a 3 yo and I can only wish it was a FT transition even then.

[Rejennyrated]

Way excellent history, you go back on this Jenny.   But a bit puzzling too?  Was your 4 year old self allowed or facilitated in transitioning, and for how long?  My sister named me Tessa and played with me as a girl when I was a 3 yo and I can only wish it was a FT transition even then.

My parents didnt believe in enforced gendering Tessa - so when I announced to the world that I wasn't a boy, I was a "girl in diguise" they just went with that, and I became a little almost girl called Jenny. they even found me schools that could cope with my presenting in a rather fluid way. So yes I was facilitated even as far back as 1964. The trouble started in the 1970's when I first sought medical help to escape puberty and was told that the doctors didnt approve of what my parents had done and therefore wouldnt help me until I was 21.

As I had lost the abilty to pass as androgynous so I spent quite a few of the years that followed as a somewhat reluctant male before I was RE Jenny rated in 1984.

but this id off topic - so to get marginally back on track I will observe that while I was growing up I used to get asked the boy/girl question a lot. My standard reply was that I was a girl in disguise.

[Marly]

  Some kids also play with "Transformer toys" that can be a car or a he man.  Hmmm??

Are we seeing a whole generation that will someday go out in public dressed as cars?      

[Tessa James]

Oh sure!  With tail fins and robotic voices.

Anyone know if there is a transformer toy that goes from car to female??

I felt on auto-pilot at times in my life

Kids do have a great sense of and freedom with their imagination.

[teddybear_zach]

I've never been asked this before. I would honestly answer that I was a boy. The dialog here reminded me of an interaction I had with my 4 year old grandson. I just came out as trans 7 months ago, but I've always carried myself and a man and dressed as one since I was a teenager. One day I was curious about how the 4 year old viewed gender.

Me: Josiah, are you a boy or a girl?
Josiah: I'm a boy, paw paw
Me: Is paw paw a boy or a girl?
*confused look* Josiah: you a boy paw paw

He answered that without skipping a beat. The look he gave me was hilarious lol

[Tessa James]

I've never been asked this before. I would honestly answer that I was a boy. The dialog here reminded me of an interaction I had with my 4 year old grandson. I just came out as trans 7 months ago, but I've always carried myself and a man and dressed as one since I was a teenager. One day I was curious about how the 4 year old viewed gender.

Me: Josiah, are you a boy or a girl?
Josiah: I'm a boy, paw paw
Me: Is paw paw a boy or a girl?
*confused look* Josiah: you a boy paw paw

He answered that without skipping a beat. The look he gave me was hilarious lol

The way you carry yourself and dress must say plenty to the world.  congrats for being the real you!

[teddybear_zach]

The way you carry yourself and dress must say plenty to the world.  congrats for being the real you!

Thanks so much. it wasn't easy but I stuck to my guns

[sparrow]

Got my first "is that a boy or a girl?" at the grocery store recently.  I currently identify as nonbinary, so it was affirming to hear.  One kid was asking another, I was surprised and in a hurry, so I didn't take the time to engage them.  I was in a plain pair of shorts and a t-shirt.  Maybe they're just not used to guys with long hair, but I'd like to think they were seeing the real me. 

[Yenneffer]

Lol I did not get this by kids but from a young couple when I was in guys clothes they use to say is that a boy or go

[Andre87]

I try not to burden children with complex terminology.I say I'm a boy with medical condition..Long live diversity!
I admire courage and beauty of people who suffer from different disorders...Similar to this project http://positiveexposure.org/gallery/ 

"What he found was startling and upsetting. The images that he saw were sad and dehumanizing. In medical textbooks children with a difference were seen as a disease, a diagnosis first, not as people.

So Rick turned his world upside down – he stopped working in the fashion industry and created a not-for-profit organization that he named Positive Exposure."

[Rachel]

I worked the Youth Camp 3 shifts at the PTHC (Philly Trans Health Conference). Their were 15 trans kids from 5 to 11 and I was the only trans adult. So I was placed with the trans kids and we had a great time. One little guy asked if I was MTF and I said yes. His reply was I am FTM. My reply that is great then we continued coloring and water colors. I did a lot of bathroom escorting. On the way to the bathroom one boy asked if I was a girl or a boy. I said a little of both. He was happy with that answer.