Unreasonably Scared?

[tarfish]

So a while back I came out as FTM to my mom and family and they were super confused but also generally supportive. I didn't really know how to explain how I was feeling so my mom was often saying things like she didn't understand how I was a boy when all I liked was 'feminine' things and it happened so often I eventually told her I was agender though I really still feel like I am fully male!

So this month in particular it has been hard because I feel like I know I am a boy but I am afraid my best friend's homophobic and transphobic mom will keep her away from me. I know people say that your personal happiness is most important but she means the world to me and I can't bear to lose her but the longer I keep hiding from people the more I hate myself. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I feel very alone because my mom and sister were constantly making me question myself and my dad never respected pronouns and continues to say it's a phase and I live in a super conservative area. I've never really been scared like this before but I'm really in no danger of being kicked out or anything so part of me feels like I am just being unreasonably scared and nothing bad will happen. Has anyone been in this situation before or have any suggestions?

[Mariah]

Hi Tarfish, welcome to Susan's. It's wonderful to hear that your family is on the most part supportive. I can totally understand. We care and even love some so much that we can't bare to even handle the though of life would be like without them in our lives in the way we are needing them to be. I hope that despite her mothers feelings that you don't lose her. I hope everything works out in that regards to everything for you. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

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[katrinaw]

Hey Tarfish... welcome to Susan's.

Echoing... Having family support is massive, as your family is your grounding.

It does take some time to process what Gender ID is about, they will need some time, lots of understanding and sharing of you thoughts, and there's. This is possibly why they are continuously questioning... remember its all worlds that get turned upside down...
With fathers, daughters are their favourites, whereas with moms its boys... well at least up till marriage or young adulthood... give them time... but keep talking.

Have you been to a therapist yet? maybe worth doing also when its right maybe invite your parents along?

Unfortunately some people will never understand, but, does your friend know yet?

Anyway Welcome and look forward to seeing you about the forum's

L Katy 

[tarfish]

Thank you both so much for your support and words of wisdom! I am looking into some support groups around my area and found that there is one within 20 minutes of where I live so I am excited about that. I ended up telling my friend and she promised not to tell anyone until I was completely out so... Here's hoping that she keeps her promise!