I have stumbled upon this forum, in a search for what I was going through and had been lurking for a good two weeks now, and I decide to step out of the walls and say, here I am!
To keep my introduction short and sweet. I am Kate, Katie, or any Kate variance name as of a name I have suited myself as the MtF that I am.
I was born a boy by the name of Jason, 5lbs 1oz, and well tiny. I grew up a very sheltered life up until I was 18, then all hell broke loose. But in the short span of sheltered life I did go through troubling times. Noting the main things that have impacted my life, but recently remembering it all in the past couple months.
Note 1; The many times I would say I was a girl.
Note 2; having more female friends, than male friends.
Note 3; Dreams instigating either taking my crotch off as a belt to reveal my true gender, or that of ripping off my skin and revealing my true gender. Or just being female in the dream.
Note 4; at the age of 10, a bone scan of my wrists concluded I had the bone structure that of 7.
Note 5; my testicles having to be surgically dropped.
Note 6; many surgeries before the age of 6.
Note 7; sleeping with scissors under my pillow, and coming close several times to cutting my penis off.
Note 8; not really partial to my own body.
Note 9; never comfortable peeing standing up.
The list goes on for a bit but those are the main ones.
Now being the ripe age of 28, turning 29 this July, had finished the beginnings of school (through high school), having had multiple jobs, joining the army, started college, been married and divorced. Thoughts and patterns of thoughts have arose several times, well sporadic through the next age zone from 18 through now.
Well also a note through high school, had painted my nails all the colors under the sun, only for my parents telling me to remove it at once when they found out I had done so.
But through this time thought patterns arise thinking that it might have been possible that I was born female, or at least interpretation that I was. Feeling in the right when wearing female attire, the tight jeans and forwardly girl shirts. First job, able to paint my nails freely, growing my hair out and styling it toward a more girly look. While in army basic training, being in an all male squadron, not feeling completely right. Living as Kate for about a year, only as my name was decided on an accidental phone call. Meeting my future wife, as Kate, later on reverting to my male side, ending up to cross dress on occasion. Ended up marrying. Going through hardships, as of not really understanding myself, or knowing who or what I truly was. Ended up divorced in a mutual agreement, but the best of friends.
This brings us to the beginning of March. I end up moving back in with my mom, as to finish schooling, before I move on to university, in a year and a half. This is where thoughts start flooding back to me. I have for the past two months, been having recurring dreams of that when I was younger, of ripping my skin off to reveal my true gender, or just being female in my dreams, thoughts provoking the same ideas and principles. Actual emotion either coming out of nowhere or because of these thoughts. Otherwise many other things happening in my life. I have determined myself as the MtF that I am. At the job I currently have, being double slotted auditor and supervisor, and with some of the best co workers ever. I had first come out to them, granted I am and have been in male mode the whole time, other than the slight quirks that I do have. My manager and everyone fully supports me (well one co worker I have not told and one other in a sort of denial), and the idea of changing my name to Kate and wearing a skirt to work.
The only other two people I have come out to was of course my wife, or should I say ex wife (the divorce actually finalizes in August), and one of my cousins best friends. Who both support me.
