My bio dad wants to make things right

[torig]

My bio dad wants to make things right and I still don't trust him.Said he is a changed man and I still don't believe him at all.He got a hold of my mom on this two weeks ago and she said it's my decision.My bio dad was not good to me at all about my crossdressing as a child and put me through a lot of pain and suffering.I still remember the memories what he did to me.Called me a lot of names I will not mention and tried to change me in a horrific way.Worst part was I ended up getting diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder in my teens because of this.I am much better now.In my heart,I have to say no and has tried this in the past.He lied to me about it and feel this is going to happen again.Luckily my wife Renee has been there for me and been giving me advice too.Said she was in the same boat about this too,her dad sexually abused her as a child and she cut him off saying no.Said I may have to do the same that she did

[Amanda Gold]

Hi Torig
No one can tell you what's best for you to do - but you do need to think about what your strong feelings of doubt about accepting contact may be telling you. And if you do allow contact from the history it sounds like you'd be doing him a favour and not vice versa.

Love
Amanda x

[torig]

My bio dad never accepted that I am a cross dresser at all.He was raised that boys need to be raised masculine.Plus my twin sister did come out that he did molest her at the same time when she was 5 years old when my mom told me this.My feelings are I don't want him in my life,he lied to me way too much.Mom is trying to get me to work things out with him and put the past behind us.Plus my dad said I was a nobody in his life and that hurt.

[Laura_7]

Look, I cannot tell you what to do...

I'd say listen to your feelings...

I personally would have other people tell him he is forgiven... no need to bring up old stories... or to make something good, they simply should have learned from their mistakes...
but you are a different person now and want to move on with your life...

but its up to you.


hugs

[Dena]

It is your decision but if you want him back in your life, use a phone call or meet in a place where you will be safe and the first order of business will be to learn why he changed. If it was religion, see the staff at the church. If he had medical help, have him give the doctor permission to open his records to you. If he just said he changed and that's it, run away as fast as you can. People do change but when they are like that it takes a really good reason and much effort. You must know the truth about him before you allow him back in your life.

Good luck because you already have enough to deal with and then having this added to your problem list.

[torig]

Mom told me to try working things out with him once and I know she was right.He was an alcoholic at the time too,mom said he quit drinking and has been sober for 25 years now.She talked to him at the time and said he regrets what he did to my twin sister and I also now.I talked to a friend of mine,her husband is a family therapist and he said make an appointment.Hopefully my dad is willing to do this and we can put the past behind us when we do talk.

[Dena]

I hope it works out well for you.

[torig]

He called me tonight and came over to my mom and step dad's place.Then it was just us talking and I would not look at him at first.Then told me that he is not going to hurt me anymore,put the past behind us.I admitted that he told the truth this time and keeping his word on this.Wanted my twin sister to come too and she is not ready at all yet to confront him.Told me that he is sorry for all the pain and suffering he put me through.Said I am not ready to forgive him yet and has to prove it to me.Had this friend of mine's husband whom is a family therapist come over and said we have some things to work on which will take time.Shook my hand and said he is willing to work with this therapist.

[Dena]

Healing is going to be slow but it looks like it will be possible. Try to keep moving forward  but if you start to get uncomfortable, ask for a little time. When you are hurt bad you can't just turn off your emotions. My roommate had a bad temper at first (never injured me) and we would get in arguments. I couldn't escape the argument and it would keep up until this adult was crying. Once that happened the argument would stop and I would need several hours to turn off the tear factory. It would take several more days to get the emotions out of my system. My roommate did learn how to control her temper and we stopped arguing for many more years.

You were hurt far worst than I was so do what you can when you are ready.

I hope it all works out well for you.