Wife driving me crazy

ToniB · May 27, 2015, 04:49:52 AM

Hi Folks my Wife is driving me crazy every time We are out shopping or whatever even without Makeup or anything I am being gendered female all the time then She will introduce me as her Husband to complete strangers I know she does not mean anything by it but it is so upsetting as I am happy to be passing LOL .A good example was We where in a dress shop I had just finished my transactions and she decided to get herself some new trousers .We had been talking earlier and she was saying that her legs looked to skinny in leggings so I said to her "That's a good Idea then you can ditch the leggings that make your leg's look so skinny" another customer said to my Wife "Who's your friend" jokingly and she said that's not a friend that's My husband and you could see that she was a little surprised as she had definitely seen Me as a Woman.I love My Wife to bits but would like her to stop outing me like that LOL

katrinaw · May 27, 2015, 05:05:50 AM

Hard to kick a long time habit maybe?

hugs Toni

L Katy

Laura_7 · May 27, 2015, 05:31:26 AM

You might have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077

Well its up to you what you say since you know them best...
one possibility would be to carefully ask why she behaves this way... maybe in a relaxed atmosphere, over a cup of tea...
maybe its possible to alleviate some fears...

hugs

Jennygirl · May 27, 2015, 05:44:02 AM

Sounds like she's not quite ready to present herself as a lesbian, which is understandable- especially if this is a new level achieved.

You seem pretty positive and tolerant about it, that's probably the most important thing? I'm sure a conversation with her on the topic wouldn't hurt!

Any ideas how you want her to introduce you that wouldn't push her too far out of her comfort zone?

ChiGirl · May 27, 2015, 08:57:49 AM

Sounds rough. I agree with Jenny that she's not ready to present as a lesbian couple. This is where you need to find some common ground. Something you can both be okay with. Making her comfortable shouldn't come at your expense. Good luck and hugs!

Jacqueline · May 27, 2015, 10:33:12 AM

Toni,

WOW.

That must be fairly mortifying. As Jenny said you seem very positive but it must really hurt. I am so sorry for your experience.

I was curious, in addition to how you would like to be introduced; how would you introduce her to someone you just met and would that differ from how she would want you to?

It does sound like a conversation to be had. Perhaps not a most pleasant one.

Good luck and I hope it all smooths out.

With loving thoughts,

Joanna

JoanneB · May 27, 2015, 10:16:31 PM

One can speculate like crazy. Passive Aggressive? Old Habit? A bit of Gay Shame? Failure? THe list can go on.

Only YOU can come close with a gues. Only YOU can actually ASK her about it

Ms Grace · May 27, 2015, 11:42:57 PM

Toni - have you said to her "Please do not introduce me as your husband, apart from being humiliating for me you might be placing my life in danger if a transphobic person was to overhear. I would prefer that you introduce me as your friend Toni"...

suzifrommd · May 28, 2015, 08:20:22 AM

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 27, 2015, 11:42:57 PM
Toni - have you said to her "Please do not introduce me as your husband, apart from being humiliating for me you might be placing my life in danger if a transphobic person was to overhear. I would prefer that you introduce me as your friend Toni"...

I had a similar discussion with my wife.

She (understandably) didn't feel it was fair of me to ask her to deny her marriage.

Would she be comfortable introducing you as "her spouse" or "her partner"?

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Wife driving me crazy