Still using my old name. Arg

[QuestioningEverything]

Why do I keep doing this?! I hate it I'm almost 6 months into hrt and my friends/family are still using my old name and whenever i meet someone new or go to a coffee shop and they ask my name I always use my old name. I don't want to associate with that name anymore but for some reason I keep resisting myself from telling people my new name. Every time I say or hear that name I get a little depressed and I hate being asked my name so why can't I just make that change yet? I feel like after 6 months of hrt this shouldn't be an issue anymore!

[Eveline]

How are you presenting in public when you forget and use your old name? Female? Andro? Guy mode?

I love this photo from one of your previous posts - definitely a girl:

[QuestioningEverything]

Thanks I'm usually wear women jeans, tee shirt then makeup and earrings so I guess pretty andro. I think when I'm asked my name I quickly ask myself do I pass yet? Nope, I'll use my male name. Maybe I should try using an androgynous name for a while till I actually start passing in public. Its just really frustrating I was having a good day then just went to grab some coffee and they asked for my name and I just thought to myself  f*** I just want a coffee nothing fancy why do you need my name. And of course I just use my male name by default.  Sorry for the rant I guess I'm just having a hard time actually accepting myself as a girl.

[Eveline]

FWIW, if I were someone asking your name, I would be a lot more surprised if it was a masculine one.

And using your new name may actually help you accept yourself more.

Go for it!

[QuestioningEverything]

FWIW, if I were someone asking your name, I would be a lot more surprised if it was a masculine one.

And using your new name may actually help you accept yourself more.

Go for it!

I just have to start doing it. It just seems like this is one of the first things most trans people do is start using a different name and I just cant allow myself to, I want to but I keep resisting allowing myself to truly be myself.  Im slowly learning to accept myself I just wish I could do it faster.

[Mariah]

It takes a different amount of time for all of us, but many noticed how my looks improved after more than 6 months. I would tell them how you feel and how much it hurts wen they don't honor your wishes. Also sometimes the easiest way is to cut cold turkey on your old name and just start using your one that represents you. Clearly using your old name causes you discomfort so I wouldn't worry about others and do what you need to for you. Good luck and Hugs
Mariah

[Emjay]

This might be kind of goofy but it's what I do:  I'll give my initials, my new ones, instead of either name if I'm not feeling up to saying "Megan" for whatever reason (mostly not feeling like I'm presenting particularly well but haven't been gendered yet).

My wife calls me Emjay (M.J.) in public so I'm kind of used to it already and it's become a nickname of sorts for me so it's easy.

Yeah, kind of goofy but it's better than my male name. 

[awilliams1701]

I knew I was Ashley pretty early, but hearing it sounded weird at first. Ultimately I had to take the plunge and just go for it. It was strange at first, but I got used to it pretty quickly. I'm starting to do the same thing on the pronouns as well. Unless you're trying to remain stealth, just go for it. You'll get used to it eventually.

[warlockmaker]

My name was Robert and most called me Bob. I'm now called Bobbie and my passport says Roberta. I had thought of using a non associated name but I like Bobbie and it's easy for the family and friends . Also it also gives tribute and memory to my past male persona that protected me until I was strong enough to be who I am.

[Cynobyte]

i was always called jamie, but my name was james.  i started using james once i went into the military.  i just went back to jamie.  like bobbie, i got lucky too.  its hard to put out there, but just keep working at it..  in time bobbie will be all you can say when asked:) 
as for being called by a name you dont want anymore, start working on responding to only what name you want..  it maybe as hard for a friend to call you your new name just as it is for you too:)  this will all pass if you work at it with a positive attitude..  Make it hard to insult a lady with a great smile:) 

[awilliams1701]

I don't usually get to see pictures since the origins are blocked at work, so this is the first time I saw it. Wow that picture of you is amazing. Very cute!

[KristinaM]

Its just really frustrating I was having a good day then just went to grab some coffee and they asked for my name and I just thought to myself  f*** I just want a coffee nothing fancy why do you need my name. And of course I just use my male name by default.

I hope you're feeling better!  Any luck with using your new name more often?

I had an experience at Wendy's the other day.  When they take your order they ask for your name as well, so with my heart pounding I told them Kristina.  The first time I'd vocalized it in public.  I handed the girl my credit card and after swiping it she punched in the guy name on my credit card for the order instead....  Grumble grumble....  I felt so invalidated.

[Sydney Spitfire]

That sucks

The only thing i can recommend is to practice saying your name to yourself to try to get used to it. When it comes to family, either correct them on the spot or just pull them aside and correct them politely .

[Tessa James]

So much of this just takes time and practice as our confidence builds and we gain positive experience.  For some people, like me, there are decades of using that old name and pronouns.  Almost three years into transition I still mis-gender myself and others.  In our gay community we often refer to one another with she and her pronouns.  One dear friend is sure I just default to calling everyone she and her much like some people refer to any group as "you guys."

I don't like to cause or see people feeling embarrassed by innocent gender and pronoun mistakes.  If it is persistent or malicious they might deserve a bit of PC feedback depending on the situation.

Hope things are better or you are cutting yourself some slack.

[ChiGirl]

My therapist has started using Charlotte at sessions and in texts.  Feels good, but gets me used to it.

Sent from my SM-G900T using Tapatalk

[iKate]

I hope you're feeling better!  Any luck with using your new name more often?

I had an experience at Wendy's the other day.  When they take your order they ask for your name as well, so with my heart pounding I told them Kristina.  The first time I'd vocalized it in public.  I handed the girl my credit card and after swiping it she punched in the guy name on my credit card for the order instead....  Grumble grumble....  I felt so invalidated.

That's why I use Apple Pay.

Also, our Wendy's don't do that.

[Valwen]

for years and years I tried my hardest to just give my last name I get very frustrated when they cant understand it. (Damit there is a internationally known university like a hour away that shares the name!) Though That may change very soon. My doctor and therapist both always used my prefered name, and over time I have been coming out to more and more people a slow careful process, then due to a jedi mind trick or some other super power I showed up to a huge group of people I know, in a floral skirt and black top and I have dressed that way whenever not at home getting ready for bed or at my primary job, so the last week has been getting used to Serena/she/her.

Best comment of the week. "and Serena is over there checking herself out!" my reply started as a false outrage and ended with me nodding and smiling. :-)

Serena

Wow I went off topic really easy there.

[Stevie]

I have been full-time at work for quite sometime, I didn't address the name and pronoun thing til last week. Been using Stevie for a couple of years it's what I used to go by as a kid before all the shaming and ridicule for being a "sissy" poisoned me, but some still didn't seem to get it.  I have started correcting people at work about pronouns, yesterday I corrected the head of engineering, I did it gently and with some humor.  I was under the misguided belief that as I transitioned openly in front of everyone that would all just automatically see and address me properly, it doesn't work that way with people that know you from before.  There is a lot of empowerment and affirmation in your name and pronouns you need to use the one that you identify with.