Full time Update

[April_TO]

Good Day Everyone,

I hope this thread finds you well. I just want to get the opinion of everyone about life after FT.

I've been living full time for quite sometime now (approx. 4 months). However, I am still feeling a bit awkward at times when I am out in public. As much as I am integrating quite well socially and professionally (work) I am still very anxious in many public places and it bothers me. I guess I am still adjusting to this new life and I wonder if this feeling ever goes away.


I wish I can just give up this feeling up but whenever I feel comfortable/relax, it creeps up again from nowhere. I feel almost guarded at all times and consciously making sure "to act female". I put an emphasis on acting female coz I know I shouldn't act but live it.

Anyways, any feedback is appreciated - thanks again and have a nice weekend. 

[Mariah]

It's completely normal at this stage April. Secondly I think it's important to know that when you stop needing to pay so much attention to your actions and not worry about those around you discovering any longer the anxiety will go away on the most part. I notice my anxiety will rise once in awhile, but it's because my voice will get into bit of weird bit and I'm not sure why. The point is the point where everything is natural and not forced is when it happens. When we are just a woman and nothing else and we use that mindset. I'm glad to here things are going well. Full time gets better I promise. Your doing great. Hugs
Mariah

[April_TO]

Thanks Mariah - I know but I guess it will take sometime to just let things go and let the cards fall where they may
Have a nice day!

It's completely normal at this stage April. Secondly I think it's important to know that when you stop needing to pay so much attention to your actions and not worry about those around you discovering any longer the anxiety will go away on the most part. I notice my anxiety will rise once in awhile, but it's because my voice will get into bit of weird bit and I'm not sure why. The point is the point where everything is natural and not forced is when it happens. When we are just a woman and nothing else and we use that mindset. I'm glad to here things are going well. Full time gets better I promise. Your doing great. Hugs
Mariah

[Ms Grace]

It took me a number of months to settle into living full time. Even though things went smoothly I guess I was still getting the hang of any number of social nuances, fashion, interaction etc. It's a lot to juggle and cis women make it look so natural because they've been living that way all their lives. We've gone in at the deep end of the pool so it's natural to feel you might be struggling until you feel certain things are second nature. It's been 14 months since I went full time and it took me the better part of a year to feel completely natural in all circumstances.

[iKate]

Even though I am not 100% full time, I go out as me most of the time.

I don't get hostile reaction but naturally when I have to talk it gives me away and the image of me from the other person switches to a guy. (I've heard what April sounds like, she doesn't have this problem, and hopefully I won't soon).

But I still feel anxious going out.

These days with Summer basically here I can't cover up and be ambiguous. I have to be fully out and it can get nerve wracking.

But as I said, no one seems to pay me any attention. So lately all I've been doing is just not caring and immediately the stress goes away. But when I do care I am constantly on guard.

I do not go out dressed ultra femme. I go out kind of androgynous leaning female, but obviously I have visible boobs and feminine cut clothes.

Something to keep in mind.

[Mariah]

Lots and lots of time it takes. Time is really what it comes to. Hugs and you have a nice day too. Hugs
Mariah

Thanks Mariah - I know but I guess it will take sometime to just let things go and let the cards fall where they may
Have a nice day!

[April_TO]

Thank you Miss Grace, that's what I thought as well. They make it so natural (cis women) where in my case it took a lot of effort LOL patience and consistency will be the theme of the year for me

It took me a number of months to settle into living full time. Even though things went smoothly I guess I was still getting the hang of any number of social nuances, fashion, interaction etc. It's a lot to juggle and cis women make it look so natural because they've been living that way all their lives. We've gone in at the deep end of the pool so it's natural to feel you might be struggling until you feel certain things are second nature. It's been 14 months since I went full time and it took me the better part of a year to feel completely natural in all circumstances.

[Erica_Y]

Congrats on 4 months FT, every month forward is another month in the bank living authentically. What I have noticed and have been told by some CIS females is that learning to fit the female social construct is a constantly evolving and complex thing. There are a lot of women who are unsure or unsettled in many situations and to not confuse outward composure with internal anxiety and questioning. Women do this all the time. I know women in the 40-60's who have no idea how to apply makeup, they are not fashion guru's and they do not know how to act or what is expected in many situations. they have had their whole life to learn. They do what we do learn from others who came before  and apply what works and lastly experiment.

So be kind to yourself and it will get easier however this seems to be the life of a female and I think the anxiety part is just part of the package with some situations easier than others.

[DrummerGirl]

I never think about acting female.  Any time I'm in a new situation or feel uncomfortable, I just tell myself to "be me" and to let go.  It's worked beautifully for me so far, and outside of the time I spend on this board, I never think about being trans anymore.  April, you have such a wonderfully natural feminine personality.  Don't fight yourself and you'll do just fine.  Let your natural instincts guide you as you experience new things.

[Christine Eryn]

I feel anxious sometimes myself. Especially when I compare my voice and my face to cis women. It's quite a shaky situation. I'll probably feel like that until I get my FFS soon. But I'm past the point of no return so I might as well deal with it. Most of the time I'm in public and don't give a damn what other people think. I do have things that help me, like my body shape and the femme portions of my face.

[Abby Claire]

With friends = Feel fine.
With entire immediate family = Anxiety.
Alone = In between. Depends on my makeup, how my voice is sounding, and clothes.

[jessical]

I am going through this as well.  I have been full time for almost 2 months.  I find all the subtleties of being a women can sneak up on me.  Especially when there are social situations I have never experienced before.  I found it hard to explain to my cis friends.

[Tiffanie]

I am full time since September 2013 and I still feel anxious from time to time.  I still get nervous if the lady's room has several women using it.  I still think they (anyone dealing with me) are just patronizing me by treating me like a lady.  My self esteem is slowly rising and these feelings are fewer and fewer, but I am not sure if they will ever end.

[Ms Grace]

Thank you Miss Grace, that's what I thought as well. They make it so natural (cis women) where in my case it took a lot of effort LOL patience and consistency will be the theme of the year for me

One thing I forgot to mention. I'm a bit of an "observer" I spent a lot of time even before transition casually observing the way women walked, talked with men/other women, how they sat, etc and it really helped. There are often some very nuanced things you don't notice from the dude side such as the way women use their hands a lot when talking and, especially when talking to other women will look each other in the eye (found that one rather hard but it sure makes a difference). Even things like making sure not to talk over the top of another woman who is already talking, etc.

Also, if you have a few female allies at work maybe ask them to let you know if you're commiting a social or fashion faux pas. I asked the women at work to do that, fortunately I didn't slip up much but I did get told it was better that I didn't cross my arms across my boobs. "You have to show them off" I was told!!

[stephaniec]

I just had a weird experience today I've lived in my neighborhood for 20 years. I went into a pizza place today and one of the girls behind the counter knows my male side so she put my male name on the order and another girl next to her didn't know me  and called me ma'am , but saw the name the other girl put down and stared at me for like a minute.