A Sudden Realization

[SpaceMutie]

It suddenly hit me just now that I'm probably not going to have someone to date at all in high school. I mean, considering all the factors that are in the way of that: I'm a terribly awkward human being without all of my gender nonsense, I live an hour from school, where the few friends I have live or have mostly graduated from, and, my school is religion-heavy and full of rich, white, upper-class children who still treat their maids like ->-bleeped-<- and have never met anyone like me before. There's a few people who I hang out with occasionally, and I can't say I'm entirely lonely on that front, but I can say that none of them would or could date me at all. I'm already going into my third year of high school, and everything's already coming closer to an end here. I hate this so much. Despite wanting to be a guy, I'm still a crazy-romantic and haven't even held someone's hand before.

I don't know if it's because I'm not attractive to anyone? Do I look too queer to be thought of as attractive? I never thought that 'looking queer' was a thing until I got here and people threw ->-bleeped-<- at me and sent me weird notes telling me that I ->-bleeped-<- my teachers and that I'm gross. I mean, my therapist thinks I'm lovely, and my friends, well, they're obviously friendly. But, beyond that, I don't think anything's going to happen to me. I've kind of lost hope there. Guess that leaves college, or something... Or not. I don't even know anymore.

This whole thing is probably childish, but, I long for somebody to be there, in person, and listen to me and watch stupid TV and maybe cuddle sometimes without awkwardly scooting away or going stiff as a board. We don't even really need to kiss, or sleep together, or anything like that.... Just someone to hold me when I'm sad. That's all. That's all I wanted.

[Contravene]

You still have a lot of time ahead of you. I didn't meet my girlfriend until late in college and even then I didn't meet her at my school. We met online first then became close in person. Looking back I'm always glad I didn't bother with anyone in high school, it would have been too much for me because I was pretty socially awkward back then, still am sometimes, and I used to be bullied in school. Sometimes it's better to meet someone later outside of your school environment.

[CursedFireDean]

Hey I felt like that a lot in high school and always wondered like is there something wrong with me? Why don't people find me attractive? Like not even one person- I'd never had anyone have a crush on me.

Now in college, I've had a crazy number of people show interest. One of my bi female  friends, her gay brother, a girl in my drawing class (she's super gay and she stopped flirting as soon as I made it clear I was a guy), guys and girls in queers and allies club, the list goes on. Sometimes you just have to go to a new environment and definitely some people will think you're attractive high school can just be awkward, plus if you're not out yet, maybe people can sense something? My going to college coincided with living full time, so perhaps the great feeling of being ME helped attract people. In fact, I had several people flirting with me around the same time in fall, and I had no idea how to react because I was so not used to it!

Anyways basically what I'm trying to say is your time just hasn't come yet if you're going to college, that could be your time, if you aren't, then perhaps at your workplace or in some activity group. Who knows! But the time will come

[Jacqueline]

SpaceMutie,

I am not trying to tell you what you should do. However, I do want to show you some options from an objective perspective.

I remember being in high school(long time ago for me). I felt as awkward as you describe. Outsiders always have a rough road. I bet almost everyone that is on this site was or still is an outsider and feel the way you do some of the time. The cool thing is that almost every favorite character from books, start as outsiders. Makes you wonder about how hard everyone else is trying to fit in.

It may not help, but you are not alone.

I don't mean to sound patronizing but it is hard to see anything in your self that is attractive when you feel how you do. Dating is great experimentation and good to have a little out of the way before college but not required. I know a junior who told me the reason she didn't want to take a date to the prom is if you do, it makes the experience about your relationship and not the fun you could have. I think she takes that all the way in that she has never dated and has embraced her outsider status. Romance is wonderful but it can add so many expectations. It may seem disappointing from where you are right now but flip it and try to make the rest of high school as much fun as you can for yourself. Plus, when people are having fun, others find them attractive and want to join them. I don't mean you have to be vapidly happy, just try to find fun and amusement where you can.

Might I add, I love the avatar. I need to catch up on the latest updates(missed last weeks).

With warm thoughts,

Joanna

[Chelsey_Despair]

I wanted the same in hs too and I ended up meeting my ex wife who proceeded to lie cheat and in general treat me as inferior... I ended up getting jumped and expelled from school which at the time I didnt care but now it's made my life 10 times harder without having my hs diploma... I totally understand the feelings your having you sound like a very empathic person? I'm not trying to steer you away from what you want but i'm just giving you an example of a dark possibility...lol... Sorry! Cheer up though you'll meet alot of people throughout life some good some bad! I find the more i'm involved in things where there are smaller groups of people I tend to draw attention from people... Although i'm so picky with relationships and i'm ridiculously shy... Sooo i'm sorry if I carry on a bit too much but keep your chin up you will totally meet someone and have fun and get your snuggles on! Lol!

[c1991u]

It suddenly hit me just now that I'm probably not going to have someone to date at all in high school. I mean, considering all the factors that are in the way of that: I'm a terribly awkward human being without all of my gender nonsense, I live an hour from school, where the few friends I have live or have mostly graduated from, and, my school is religion-heavy and full of rich, white, upper-class children who still treat their maids like ->-bleeped-<- and have never met anyone like me before. There's a few people who I hang out with occasionally, and I can't say I'm entirely lonely on that front, but I can say that none of them would or could date me at all. I'm already going into my third year of high school, and everything's already coming closer to an end here. I hate this so much. Despite wanting to be a guy, I'm still a crazy-romantic and haven't even held someone's hand before.

I don't know if it's because I'm not attractive to anyone? Do I look too queer to be thought of as attractive? I never thought that 'looking queer' was a thing until I got here and people threw ->-bleeped-<- at me and sent me weird notes telling me that I <not allowed> my teachers and that I'm gross. I mean, my therapist thinks I'm lovely, and my friends, well, they're obviously friendly. But, beyond that, I don't think anything's going to happen to me. I've kind of lost hope there. Guess that leaves college, or something... Or not. I don't even know anymore.

This whole thing is probably childish, but, I long for somebody to be there, in person, and listen to me and watch stupid TV and maybe cuddle sometimes without awkwardly scooting away or going stiff as a board. We don't even really need to kiss, or sleep together, or anything like that.... Just someone to hold me when I'm sad. That's all. That's all I wanted.

Hello,
As others have noted, high school is definitely one of the rougher periods in life. I just now am in a healthy relationship, 23 in graduate school - where communication is very open; we ask questions when we have them; we are honest, we lend hands to one another, we are partners in this life journey. I met her when I least expected it, when I wasn't looking, as cliché as it sounds.

Definitely don't give your valuable time, love and affection to anyone who can't first show you respect and friendship. Don't feel pressured to find someone at this point; you have larger journeys post-high school you will embark on - diversity and openness that often is absent in the high school dating scene (or at least in my experience)