Ready to move forward but need some guidance

[Jessiegirly66]

Hi Ladies
This summer has been a summer of acceptance for myself and now realize that there is no way I can go through life as a man. The problem is my parents don't accept me. As such, there is not much I can do to let my inner girl free without them finding out and ruining it That said this summer I have two jobs and have been considering behaving more like a
girl on the job. How would you reccomend I go about this? I'm confused and I don't want my home life to become a living hell.
Kisses, Jessie

[suzifrommd]

Hi Ladies
This summer has been a summer of acceptance for myself and now realize that there is no way I can go through life as a man. The problem is my parents don't accept me. As such, there is not much I can do to let my inner girl free without them finding out and ruining it That said this summer I have two jobs and have been considering behaving more like a
girl on the job. How would you reccomend I go about this? I'm confused and I don't want my home life to become a living hell.
Kisses, Jessie

I think I'd need to know more to answer your questions.

Are you financially independent of your parents? Are you old enough that you can make it on your own without them? If yes, then don't worry about what they think. It's your life, not theirs.

OTOH if you need them for housing or money, it gets more complicated. You may need to gauge whether they can be educated about transgender issues. Will they accept your transition once they understand that being trans is not something that you chose, that it will literally destroy you if you ignore it, that it's not going to be "cured" or go away on its own, and that transitioning is the one and only way you can endure life? If the ultimate answer is no, you may need to decide between transitioning (and losing your home and support) or waiting until you're less dependent.

Likewise, what sort of area and job are you in? If your area has strong protections against discrimination, and lots of support for LGBT, you're in a better situation. If you think your job will not retaliate against you, go for it. But if you think it will have severe repercussions, you'd need to move cautiously.

That's the most I can say without knowing more about you.

[Ms Grace]

Since I don't know what kind of jobs you are doing, and I don't know what you mean by "acting more like a girl" it's a bit hard to know how to respond. It's good that you have the jobs and I hope you are able to express yourself as yourself - just keep in mind that although you see yourself as female your boss and customers may see "a guy acting like a girl". The issue sounds like it rests on how you cope with your gender identity and your parents - as Suzi points out if your over 18 it is up to you not them although the degree to which you are financially dependent on them will complicate that.

[Laura_7]

Well you have a few options...
just consider if you are dependent...

You could have a look here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,180045.msg1658077.html#msg1658077
and here:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,188309.msg1674885.html#msg1674885


Its up to you what you say since you know them best...
you might drop some hints first....
some people use a letter and show some materials like vids later...

one possibility could be to look for PFLAG, contact them and ask them to help explain... its parents from all walks of life meeting in groups...

hugs

[Jessiegirly66]

Thank you so much for your responses! I realized after I made the post that I should have given more information but I fell asleep last night I was so tired. I work fast food, usually behind the counter or at the drive thru window so I talk to people a lot. I have been growing my bangs out and even though I sound all masculine I got an atta girl when I helped a customer which felt great!!! I have two jobs so i'm making money but they monitor what Imake and how I spend it so yeah. i am 18 but I live at home and will do so until community college ends in two years unless I can convince them to let me get an apartment. I have already tried to educate  them and have attempted to come out to them through long thought out letters 3 times to no avail. They are convinced that it is a phase or that I am listening to the devil and if they find anything feminine of mine that I have purchased it gets taken away and we have a long talk about why I'm not transgender. So no I don't think they will ever understand. I live in the Kansas City area.
When I say acting like a girl I mean what can I do to let my inner girl out because I'm so tired of having to bottle her up and put on this masculine front that everyone seems to be okay with. Basically little things I can start doing to express my femininity.
Hope this helps, Kisses
jessie

[stephaniec]

I'd just say 2 things , your legally an adult and a therapist would help.

[Laura_7]

Well as said its up to you what you do since you know them best...
in the first link there is a hint to a brochure...
it states specifically for transgender people, their families and healthcare staff...
its for the british national health service, a reputable source...

and here are a few more thoughts that might help...

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190486.msg1697083.html#msg1697083


hugs

[Randi]

Here's a local resource that may be useful to you:

http://transascity.org/

I live in the Kansas City area.

jessie

[Jessiegirly66]

Thank you for the responses so far ladies. I have been reading articles off of transascity.org and there are lots of good things on there.
Kisses,Jessie

[Obfuskatie]

The "it's just a phase" is pretty standard. I'd say you have two options:
1) Do it behind your parents backs.
2) When you move out, tell them if they want to spend time with you in the future it will be with you as their daughter.

Because you're already 18, it'd be relatively easy for you to start the transition process. Therapy and HRT if you choose to medically transition. How you choose to proceed with transition is up to you, but I just worry that you may end up resenting your parents for holding you back if you do wait until finishing community college.
When your financially independent from your parents, you'll be free to proceed as you wish. The reason I stated #2 like that is because not only do you not have to apologize for who you are, what you should really be doing is deciding if you'll accept how they treat you as an adult. If they mistreat you, then you don't have to allow them more opportunities to do so.
Sorry if my take seems a bit mercenary...


     Hugs,
- Katie
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Jessiegirly66]

It's not mercenary. I already have some resentment tbh