Having come out to my family a few weeks back, the logical next step would be to come out to my closest friends. I only have four of them, and I've known two for about thirteen years, the other two I've known for five. But the problem I'm having is, whether or not I should come out to them. I'm sure that they'd be supportive, but there's a couple of things at the back of my mind telling me that I shouldn't tell them.
The major thing on the "no" side, is that I'm going to college in September, while all my friends are staying in school for Sixth Form. I have a bad record of seeing people outside of school, so it's likely that I'll lose all contact with them. I only ever talk to one of them outside of school, and that's only on Steam, and I've stopped doing that recently, and I'm not entirely sure why. I'm thinking that it might be best to lose contact with them. When I go to college, I'm hoping to have started testosterone, and changed my name, and I want people there to think that I'm a cisgender male. I want to seperate myself from my old life, and that will probably involve losing my current friends.
Another thing I'm worried about is whether or not I could trust them with something as important as this. I know one of my friends hasn't been able to keep a secret before (they told this girl that one of my other friends had a crush on them), and so I don't know if I'd be able to trust them when I know about this. I don't tell my friends secrets, or personal stuff. I hate talking about my feelings, so I've no idea how they'd handle this.
There's also small things at the back of my mind, like the rare times we've gone out somewhere, and people have called me a boy. My friends would always act embarrassed on my behalf, and the first few times it happened, I didn't know what to say. And related to the whole going away to college thing, my friends keep saying that we'll keep in touch, but I'm not sure if I want to. I like my friends, but then sometimes I don't. I don't know how I'm friends with them most of the time, they all have something in common, but I don't, they share no interests with me. Sometimes I think I'm friends with them because no one else would.
This ended up being longer than I thought, but I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm not asking you to make a decision for me, I'm just curious as to what you'd do in this situation, and what your opinions are. Would it be too harsh if I just cut them out of my life? Because I honestly think I could live without them, and they could probably live without me, even though they constantly go on about how much they'll miss me, and how they wish I wasn't going. I feel like I'm being mean to them, but I'm trying to think about what's best for me.
