Rejection

[Sarah]

Hi all,

This a vent topic for anyone who feels like sharing.

I am MTF and of late it seems that my transition is no longer the only excuse to hate on me, now that I have transitioned it seems people use my new gender as a reason to segregate me. Usually its the normal 'guy' stuff, snub-nosed ignoring and angry looks, which I can deal with but now it seems so much more vindictive.
People take any reason no matter how small to smash their opinions in my face and treat me like I am worthless. I haven't changed I have tried to keep the same people around me but now we can't even have a laugh. I am non-so-subtly shunned from conversation, from groups, from group work in university which requires multiple people to complete.

So most of the time I take this on the chin and move on, but people have this anger against me and I don't know why, it scares me. I am pansexual and think all people are beautiful no matter what they look like. So I still talk with about girls occasionally. But now casually asking a friend if he had a good night clubbing and hooked up or jibbing someone (as I did so a lot prior to transitioning) for losing muscle gains cause they aren't going to the gym as much is sexual harassment.

Everyone speaks down to me, no-one takes me seriously or even treats me as part of the team. No matter what I do, talk more, talk less, laugh more, laugh less, give more compliments give less, care more, care less I am just alienated and segregated more. There seems to be only one consensus towards me and that is rejection and hatred. I am a freak; so they say.

I am just tired of being alone, and being on the raw end of the stick day in day out. It hurts so much to have so many people feel so spiteful toward you, that you can't even have a meal in the cafeteria without a minimum of two malicious conversations. Asking a colleague for assistance for exam preparation, shunned and told your worthless, taken aside and told how they hate you and they never want you near them again. and that was all before lunch today.

Sometimes idk why I get out of be in the mornings.

[Tiffanie]

Job wise I have only had a few issues, and they were not directly about my transition and more about the fact that I was is such a deep depressive state, I was not functioning and was causing some serious self injury.

My family had done a number on me regarding my transition.  2 siblings specifically ... they treat me like I don't exist and torment my wife because she is choosing to support me.

There is no easy answer ... if I had a solution I would gladly share it with everyone.  I hope things get better.

[Dena]

Transitioning in place can be very hard. My roommate worked for TWA in aircraft maintenance and received no end of harassment on the job. A few people stuck with her and the women were more receptive and helpful. I think what may have kept her head above water was at the end of the day she would come home and I would be there to provide the company she craved. If you don't have a support system like that in place, it will be hard unless you can find new friends that can give you that emotional anchor you need. This board can provide some of that but it isn't  replacement for people. Consider things in your life like church, neighborhood groups, charity work or other social groups where you can get away from life for a few hours.

Work is for work and you shouldn't expect to have many friend just because you have to work with them. Sometimes life time friendships do develop from work but you shouldn't expect it to happen. Sadly the only good thing about this is you now know who your true friends are.

[natashaX]

I understand
I have been rejected by everyone
Family
Co workers
But everyone pretends super nice to my face
But they avoid me with all excuses
Even when i am ready to step into traffic
No one helps or talks
Lately even other trans woman are the same
I really only have one person in the world now to
Talk with. Transition has taken the world and it doesnt
Appear to be letting me live through it
I dont have the strength anymore
The isolation is to much for me
And all because i am ugly

[Ms Grace]

Sarah, I am deeply sad to hear that you are being treated this way. Have you thought to maybe take a few people aside and gently tell them you feel a hostility coming from them and ask them why? Maybe there is something more to it, or nothing at all... but broaching the subject and asking them directly might give you more insight if it something you can do anything about. Perhaps it is a case of talking to HR and having them step in because it sounds like systematic and wholesale bullying and discrimination.

[Laura_7]

You might look up a brochure called "doh-transgender-experiences.pdf" . Only thing I would disagree with is page 7, where they state stress, instead many experience relief.
It states that being trans has biological connections, to do with development before birth which influences the sense of self.
Before birth, brain and body develop at different times.
It was found that there are differences in brains of men and women, triggered by certain substance levels.
So a mismatch between brain and body is possible. (In the brochure are further references to evidence... and its a spectrum...)
So its not a light hearted decision but how they feel, and there are many feeling this way.
Its nobodys fault, neither theirs nor that of their upbringing or the internet or whatever.
And it explains some of the feelings transgender people have.

Well its up to you what you say...
you might even ask a teacher you trust to give you a few minutes and give a small lecture to all people present.
You might present one or two pages and give a few words, five minutes might be enough.
It might give some people a feeling of understanding.

Well, another way would be to tell a few people... simply explaining in easy understandable terms...

Imo its a big difference if people belive its some kind of choice or if people understand its a feeling with biological backing.
Its imo much more socially acceptable, and it might help with self acceptance.


And there might be some lgbt club at your place, with other transgender people...
or support groups...

If you feel like it, please reach out...
there are helplines to listen and support...
you might call here for example:
glbthotline.org/hotline.html
they also have a chat

translifeline.org

And try to have some fun along the way...
(all within reason )

hugs

[Laura_7]

And all because i am ugly

Nobody is ugly.. everybody has some nice sides....
and its personality what counts, too...

try to relax, give it some time...
there will be some people who like you, if you can try to relax...

look for counseling...

and reach out... call one of the helplines, and look for support...

http://transhealth.vch.ca/support/bc-support-groups

*hugs*

[leacobb]

Im so sorry you are going through all this hate and pain, i also wish there was something i could say or do to help you..

When i started my transition it was hard to cope with i lost all my friends, friends who i called family because i grow up with them. It killed me, i spent time after that in isolation and because of the isolation because of the abandonment from friends and some family i suffered with very bad depression which could of very easily gone a bad way if it wasnt for my mom.. that was a wake up call and i realized that it really dont matter what other people think. Whats important is how i seen myself. Even tho it was hard i done it..
So on the first day of going out in public i was walking to my brothers for dinner and as i was about mid way between my house and his this car stopped and 3 guys started shouting things at me so i started to walk faster, they ran after me and i got beaten up pretty bad. A old man came out of his house and helped me and he called the police.. i was so thankful to him.. I stopped my transition then because i thought to myself happiness is not worth it.. my depression came back and i nearly wasnt here today.. but as time has passed on and i have put all that behind me, i can honestly say that Now im happy, now i am me and now i finally have a life as a healthy and happy woman.. and i feel that if all these negitive things never happened i wouldnt be as strong as i am today

So i will say the same to you, every negitive thing can have a possitive it may be hard to see at first but things will work out in the end. I hope my story helps in some way and i do really  hope your life will be possitive and happy because you deserve it, Stay Strong xx

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Tapatalk

[Hopefull]

You are beautiful no matter who you are! Don't let bad people like that get you down. There is nothing wrong with you, and you are not worthless. You need to find someone who will love you for who you are, then you will care a bit less what everyone else thinks. Boost your self esteem.

[CarlyMcx]

Hi Sarah.  I am going to take a different tack from the rest of the folks here and tell you about the road not taken.  When I was in college, back in a mythical prehistoric time called the 1980's, I researched transitioning at the psychology department library, and found out that while it was possible, the resources for it might as well have been on the moon.  There were only a few doctors doing the surgery or dispensing hormones, and a few shrinks acting as gatekeepers, and they were mostly on the east coast or in Europe, while I was a broke college student in California.

So I resigned myself to being a guy until I finished school. 

No I did not get treated any better than you did.  What I found was that the vast majority of people I went to college with were insecure, stuck up, and constantly obsessed with nasty little games of one-upmanship and "I'm better than you" and "I caught you doing something wrong" and the ever popular "If I catch you enjoying yourself I am going to do whatever I can to mess things up for you."

It took me until my fourth year there to find a real friend who actually thought I was cool and wasn't into playing any head games.

So don't take it personally if other people in a college environment mistreat you.  Be happy that you can freely express, hang on to your sense of yourself, be yourself, and eventually you will find real world friends who will value you as much as we do here.

[stephaniec]

Sorry to here this. I worked for a company for 20 years and wasn't transitioning , but received the same treatment you do and to this day I haven't the slightest idea way . I kept going because I needed to pay my rent.

[JoanneB]

Part of what you are experiencing may simply be loss of "Male Privilege". Several of my MTF support group members reported this. It didn't happen overnight, but did creep in rather fast once they went full-time. Being talked down to, treated like a kid/idiot, "mansplaining", is par for the course all women go through.

And of course, there are always the haters who just think we're a freak show worthy of God's wrath. Just She is a bit too busy to dish it out    I live in an area where people tow the policitally correct party line, on the outside. They will smile to your face and then stab you in your back. So I can easily see how some of those in your life first played the PC game being somewhat nice but now, they have tired of it and you are too high maintenance for them