The perils of passing too well on social media

[iKate]

Oh good Lord. I screwed up.

Anyway first off I got sir'ed yesterday. Made me feel all down and stuff. I'm off my hormones, my voice sounds like crap plus I had laser this week and stubble is showing (hard to shave) so I'm prone to misgendering.

Anyway I got home and went on the computer to check my new Facebook account I created. Whoa I had two friend requests from my close friends. I had just set it up to get info for my upcoming trip to Korea. Then I figured screw it let me add my other friends.

Well one of them suggested a bunch of others I knew. I figured hey they know so I added them.

Then one of them messages me:

"What happened to your husband?"

I figured he was joking or being nice.

I said: "Funny. In any case welcome to the new/real me. I have to now deal with state police for all my new permits and other fun stuff, JOY."

He said: "I wasn't trying to be funny.  <old name> has been silent for quite some time.  Are you the same person???"

At that point it dawned on me... He didn't know. Holy smokes. Oh well secret's out now anyway.

Then I went on to explain the whole trans thing and he said he didn't realize and wouldn't have guessed lol.

It was all good. He accepted the friend request.

Now I probably have to answer questions from the other people I added. Gonna be a fun ride.

[Rachel]

Congratulations, thanks for sharing a positive story.

I hope all goes well with your surgery.

[iKate]

Congratulations, thanks for sharing a positive story.

I hope all goes well with your surgery.

Thanks.

I am ever so nervous. I am hoping all goes well.

Add to that I'm off my hormones.

And it's the week after laser (when I become an honorary knight because my stubble makes everyone call me sir).

But I have FT coming up, and surgery with Dr Kim.

In any case I'm good.

[Dena]

I have another board that I post on and have for years. I have always been accepted as female even though I sometimes wander off into politics but I got the ultimate complement in a back handed way. There is one man who has had numerous timeouts because he is a bipolar, alcoholic,  homophobic (I am being kind to him)  who has made not one but two passes at me. It isn't a special honor because he makes passes at anyone with a trace of estrogen in their blood but by the time he made is first pass at me I knew it was dangerous to go any farther so I quickly learned the fine art of letting him down gently. He is none the wiser that he was making passes at one of his emotional fears.

[barbie]

Yes. Facebook is a very nice place for transgender people. People are more accepting than in the real world. All of my Facebook friends do know my biological sex, but most of them denote me by a pronoun for women. Some strange men request FB friendship, but I always decline it. I always keep the number of FB friends below 500.

barbie~~

[iKate]

So my old "friends" on my other (closed) account are adding me. But they don't know who I am because they then post stuff about Caitlyn Jenner and are surprised when I tell them they are ignorant.

I'm keeping this one small. Close friends and family only. Like it used to be in 2005.

[Mariah]

Smart idea. Hugs
Mariah

So my old "friends" on my other (closed) account are adding me. But they don't know who I am because they then post stuff about Caitlyn Jenner and are surprised when I tell them they are ignorant.

I'm keeping this one small. Close friends and family only. Like it used to be in 2005.

[Sydney_NYC]

I've tried to keep mine small and I used Facebook to come out to my extended friends. (Every Facebook friend is someone I know in person.) I didn't loose a single friend. I even kept my old male pictures on my account since it was me after all. The only thing I did was on my public profile you can't tell I'm trans, just an ordinary cis-woman. Also my account isn't listed so the only way to find me is through either a URL or through another FB friend.

[iKate]

I've learned my lesson. Some of my old friends are friending me thinking it's my wife or another relative then someone else who knows tells them and they start outing me and saying nasty stuff. I'm going to just not accept their requests for a while.

I would say 90% of my FB friends are people I know IRL.

[LizMarie]

On Facebook, I have a very recent photo. I ended up engaging some virulently anti-trans "Christians" and tried to keep the conversation focused on the neurobiological research, the medical aspects of it, the treatment, etc. Of course this one woman wanted to scream "sin", "freaks", etc., about trans folks.

But then something stunning happened. I know she can click on my picture and see me. She asked me why do I care about this so much? Is my child or someone I know trans? Why does a woman like you want to support men in dresses?

I was stunned. I didn't say I was trans. I just returned to my focus on neurobiology, research, and medical and psychological treatment of trans people, that it was all a valid medical condition, etc. She didn't ask again but I realized that she had no clue at all that I was trans.

I just cropped a recent photo (removed my daughter from the picture) and made it my new avatar. It's also a bit dark because it was dusk. I'll try to get a better lit photo up as my avatar soon. But the impact of my FFS is certainly now apparent to me!!

[iKate]

************TRIGGER WARNING************


One person from the Caribbean who was on my old account, decided to friend me.

He then posted something really awful about Jenner within minutes. I told him that he's ignorant and I'm unfriending him.

Then one of my so-called (former) friends decided to out me to him.

Well, all hell broke loose. They threw every insult known to man and woman kind.

One guy who is a friend said, "umm you do realize this is <old name>'s wife, right?"

Then I guess my same so called "friend" decided to out me to him as he took down the comment sometime later.

The guy went on and on and on, obsessing about genitalia and other stuff. One guy even said nobody would have sex with me, how I still look like a man. (This guy is no mona lisa himself). I mean how is that even relevant? I'm not even dating. And not for nothing I'm barely started. CHeck me back in 2 years or so when HRT has done its thing and maybe I've had FFS.

Anyway this has been good to see just how these so-called "friends" are toward their friend.

[Paige]

I'm so sorry this has happen to you Kate.  I always tell myself people like this are a small minority but damn they're a loud and obnoxious minority.  It's almost like our transgenderness brings out some people's mental illness.  Perhaps that's our superpower? ;-)

On a happier note, good luck with the voice surgery.
Paige

[LizMarie]

There are three kinds of people in the world.

Those who stood by you in the darkness.

Those who left you in the darkness.

And those who threw you into the darkness.

Cherish the first group and ignore the second two groups.

[iKate]

There are three kinds of people in the world.

Those who stood by you in the darkness.

Those who left you in the darkness.

And those who threw you into the darkness.

Cherish the first group and ignore the second two groups.

Thanks.