I never felt much in common with most trans women, but it makes sense now...

[ana1111]

Ever since before I transitioned when I was really trying to figure out what was up with me and why I was so feminine and different from the guys and gay guys I knew at like age 15/16 to now at nineteen after transitioning socially for two and a half years and medically for almost a year and a half I have always felt very little in common with my narrative, experiences, feelings and story than most the trans women I have talked to or met...I know everyone is different and we all have different stories and experiences and diversity is great and the way of nature but some things were so "opposite" of so many trans women and I just never got it...it seemed like everyone else in the trans community fit in fine with each other and had loads in common...I started being visible "effeminate" and saying I was a girl at around three (pre k age) and it was very obvious to everyone in all my interests, behavior, and how I described my self (Barbie dolls, nails, jewelry, dressing up in moms clothes, wanted to be like all the girl characters in movies, I drew self portraits of me as a girl, i would get mad having to line up with the boys or if I got called handsome instead of pretty and I was very vocal about it)...these feelings never went away and got more strong and obvious I failed epically at trying to be a guy as young as twelve up until about 15 when I gave up..it was always "are you gay?" no matter what I did and I wouldn't try but everyone noticed how unmanly I acted and would exclude and ridicule me...I realized I liked guys and figured I was "gay" around 13/14 and also was coming to terms with being feminine... I thought I could live as an openly feminine boy. I wore makeup and girls clothes but never tried to pass but it was one of the worst times in my life and I fit in the least with other gay guys and I always had it in my mind that I knew one day I would transition but I didn't know if I could due to very rejecting parents....anyways after finally starting at 17 and being 19.5 now and talking to a lot of other trans women and observing the trans community I just have been so confused as to why we are so different in so many ways...I always fit in with straight girls and they were my only friends and I always felt like one of them and they treated me more like one... Im not heterosexist or homophobic nor do I think every woman should be straight or have to fit a perfect stereotype of femininity, nor do I think all trans women need to have the same narrative to transition or be a woman but I just didn't ever get how so many trans women lived there whole lives pretty successfully as straight, masculine men usually till past thirty, transitioned still only liking women and basically never had obvious gender non conforming behavior and "no one suspected they weren't straight manly men"...it was never something I could hide and truly made my life hell and made me mad at life but hate myself too...I transitioned cause being a "boy" with a female brain and mannerisms and thought process made my life hell and I knew if my body matched who I was inside my gender and sexuality would of been embraced and never questioned and I wouldn't be an "untouchable" just for how I naturally am gender and sexuality wise... I knew if I was born female I would of never had any issue with gender or sexuality and would of fit in fine...anyways I know some people will unfortunately take the rest of this post or maybe the whole post in the wrong way like I am saying that I am "more real" or a "true transsexual" and only girls with my situation should transition but that's honestly not what im saying at all or the point of this at all, its a personal choice I feel and more than one narrative can benefit from transition so bear with me! Anyways I met someone who was exactly like me in her story and who had experienced the same not belonging feeling and isolation in the trans community as well as grew up the same as me...she linked me to a website which kinda explained everything and my whole life and experience with being trans perfectly...this is where many may get offended but im posting this not to offend or label anyone but because I think the site makes a lot of good points about the difficulties and isolation "young transitioners" face especially in the trans community... the site sounds biased at times and uses somewhat offensive terms and may over generalize, but if you read through the site and neither description describes you at all than id really like to know as im posting this to start an important discussion not to incite a bad reaction or arguing... anyways one final disclaimer before I give the link...im not heterosexist or sexist trying to say lesbians aren't legitimate or less woman or a women must act a certain way but it is impossible to deny most women are exclusively attracted to men and genuinely fit the idea of "feminine" behaving to some extent whereas most trans women I've met are lesbian and self confessed "tomboys" and where masculine men in there previous life... whether gender roles and stereotypes are socially constructed or biological or both idk but we cant claim to have female brains but then all be so different from the average woman in how we think and act and want to be seen as women but object so much to norms 99 percent of women have no issue with...so please read the links with an open mind realizing that im not saying that one type of trans woman is better or more real or the other shouldn't transition, but that there is a huge problem with claiming all transsexuals have the same condition or situation and that there is a lot of isolation in the trans community for younger transitioners, as well as misunderstanding from the medical community and society due to us all being lumped in one category.. very similar to how part time dressers like drag queens or cross dresser are called "transgender" even though there not the same.. and I've heard the same complaints from every young trans girl who started out as a femine gay "boy" that I've talked to...so if this site im linking is bogus than tell me! And tell me why you think it is! But it explains my situation perfectly and explains the feeling of not fitting in with the trans community ive had a lot.....
Link removed
Link removed
ps: im not saying I agree with everything said on the site nor am I putting a value judgement on one type as better or better candidates for transition, but the general theory seems plausible

Mod Edit- Links require prior permission. TOS 1

[Dena]

I first tried to understand transsexualism when I was in the 6th grade and I am now 63 years old. I have known many transexuals over  the years but you are something new, different and wonderful. I think you were one of the lucky ones who received early intervention allowing you to grow up more as a woman and less as a transexual. I feel that is how it should be for everybody but that isn't the case. Medical treatment wasn't available for me until I was old enough to go out and seek it. I grew up in a world where transexuals were a side show and not a normal part of society. Many today are so fearful of coming out that they experience the world much like I did. In 6th grade, had the option of changing my sex been available, I would have taken it without a moment of thought. As it was, I didn't come out until I was 23 and I wasn't able to have my surgery until I was 30. In those years to survive I had to remain in the male role as uncomfortable as it was. I was fearful that I would be locked up in a mental institution and might receive shock treatments.
I am sure if I had my childhood to develop as a woman, instead of playing the role of a boy I would have turned out much like you. Instead, I had few friends because I wasn't into boy things and the girls wouldn't have me. I knew I was so messed up that I couldn't get close to anybody and if I used drug to numb the pain and they worked, I would never receive the treatment I needed.
I have been working greetings to new board members and a heart break story was posted. It seems that a MTF came out to her mother and her mother brushed her off with it's just a phase you are going through. How long is that child going to live the life I did and miss that early switch that you had.
I am not angry with you, I just wish everybody was as lucky as you. As young as you are, you don't understand what we had to go through to transition and I am glad that you don't understand because it was far more painful than what you underwent.
My life has hardened me to the emotions I had to deal with over the years  so I don't feel the pain I once had with my life. If you have questions about this post, you may ask any question of me and you will not offend or hurt me with your question. To answer your question you need to understand how the other half lives. We are far more alike than you can see with your limited experience.

[JLT1]

Hi,

Your narrative of your feelings isn't unusual.  This site tends to have more older transitions than younger and thats fine.  But there are younger ones, such as yourself, who are here.

Your struggles and my struggles are different in some ways but the same in other ways.  Neither us wrong or right.  It just is.

I was successful living a life.  I was not successful living as a man.

More later.

Hugs,

Jen

[Mariah]

General idea of her link is found here in the wiki.

and location in the wiki
https://www.susans.org/wiki/Transsexualism

[ana1111]

thankyou Mariah....I understand the links are controversial topic but I think its a good discussion..Dena with all do respect I think you have misunderstood both my life and where I am coming from.. I do not think a woman is automatically so different than me because she started 5 years later than me...you said you came out at 23 which back then was probably very early..also my life has been far and is still very far from easy, normal, o what most girls went through... although I started dressing femininely in public and with friends it caused a lot of abuse at home from my family and the public at large...I didn't get hormones till eighteen and honestly my life is still pretty crappy due to many reasons...I think you didn't read about all the bullying, shame, and confusion I talked about..im not saying someone is so different from me due to age of transition im saying they are due to there motivations, how easily they were excepted as male before hand, finding it hard to act convincingly feminine after transition... reasons such as those

[kelly_aus]

I spent most of my life living as a fem gay guy.. Despite knowing that I wasn't really attracted to men. I did that as it allowed me to express my fem personality as much any 'man' can. I knew from the age of 12 that I wasn't really a man, despite what my birth certificate said. Why didn't I transition when I was younger? I didn't know it was possible, at least not for me. And so, I lived my lie until I broke and could live it no more and that was when I discovered that, yes, transition was actually possible for me. Do I wish I'd done it when I was younger? For sure, but I didn't and there's no point crying about that now.

I'm a transsexual, a 'diagnosis' that comes from 2 experienced psychiatrists. I'm also a lesbian - and yes, the stats on the sexuality of trans women are apparently skewed from those of cis women, but that is neither here nor there. And it makes me wonder how many cis women are out there married to men simply because that's what society conditioned them to do.

Honestly, I don't feel a lot in common with other trans women. At least, not as far as my 'trans narrative' goes or how I've dealt with it. However, I'd never try and claim I was 'better' than the others because of it.

PS: The site you linked has some debunked theories on it and some other things that are not supported by any reputable professional that treats/deals with transsexuals..

[ana1111]

ok so you don't fit either model.. interesting.... that's the kinda anecdotes I was interested in hearing..I actually explicitly said I wasn't saying I was better...but please tell me how the theories are debunked? That's what id like to know..

[ana1111]

also im not trying to be "smart" by asking that im just genuinely curious to know how its been disproven

[kelly_aus]

ok so you don't fit either model.. interesting.... that's the kinda anecdotes I was interested in hearing..I actually explicitly said I wasn't saying I was better...but please tell me how the theories are debunked? That's what id like to know..

Julia Serano and many trained professionals have debunked the idea of ->-bleeped-<- as a possible definition of trans women, nor is it a theory accepted by WPATH or any other professional medical association. It's most ardent supporters have all revealed themselves to be transphobic.

I won't be posting links, as per site policy, but the evidence is out there.

[Dena]

In my group we had FTM who were underage so early transitioning was possible even in my time. I did it at 23 because I had reached the limit of containing my emotions and was ready to commit suicide. It was either treatment or nothing. Treatment was possible at that point in my life because I had a job and experience so if I was kicked out, I could support myself and seek treatment without the aid of my parents. As it turned out, in order to keep my parents from feeling guilty about what I was doing, I never accepted a penny from them for treatment. I even had to have the money for the reassignment surgery up front but insurance did pay for it after the fact. I figure in todays dollars I payed out of pocket between $120,000 and $150,00 dollars toward my treatment.
Yes, I am aware of the bullying that takes place with young children who are permitted to live in the opposite role but you had the option to express your self at a young age. For the most part we didn't. I didn't appear in public crossdressed until I was about 27. Help in appearance was hard to find and by that time I had many masculine features to deal with. One example is my voice. My male voice is Bass. This is the lowest register a male can hit. It would be great if I wanted to sing opera in a male role but I find it disgusting even using that voice.
For me, depression was a constant companion until about a year before surgery. Exterior punishment is one thing but the demon inside you can inflict far greater harm. It took between 2 and 3 years to clear all this damage out of my head so I could face the decision for surgery without think it will offer an escape from my misery. I was lucky because my work was done by the time I decided on surgery and my decision was made for the right reason. Not every reaches the point I did and as the results, some people are unhappy after surgery.
Yes I don't always present a feminine image but half my life was spent living as society expected me to. I am what I am because of that poor fellow who gave his life to create me. I will aways remember him and there will always be a part of him in me. If you don't like it, that fine but we paved the road you walked on to be able to transition at a far younger age than we could. We proved by the fact we are still alive and happy that there was hope children could be treated younger and have a even better outcome. We also broke down the barriers of society so you would find more acceptance than we did. We are happy for you but at the same time you should show some respect for what we made possible.

[Mariah]

Considering a prohibited topic came up I'm locking the thread for further review.