What am I?

[fadedreflection]

Hi everyone.

Like many people here, I assume, I have questioned my gender for a long time. What I have come up with (or finally accepted) is that I do not identify with "female" at all. So I know for sure that I belong to the transgender community...I'm just not sure where. Let me (try to) explain.

I have two "personalities," if you will. Or moods, even. Both are male, referred to as he/him/his. However, one is very masculine in the sense that he (me) is very dominant and outgoing. I'm called Adam when I'm in this mood. The other is very shy and feminine (but not female). When I'm in this mood, it is not uncommon for me to want to wear "pretty" things and be called "princess," but the thing is...I like the idea of being a cute fem BOY wearing pretty things and being called princess. Not in a sexual way, just in general. In this mood, I am known as Gabriel/Angel. It's weird that these two personalities are complete opposites: I even tend to use different vocabulary depending on the mood.

Is this weird? Has anyone else experienced/heard of something like this? I think I need some direction before I transition to anything.

Thanks,
Adam

[Ms Grace]

Hey Adam

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

It isn't necessary for you to be one gender or another - a number of non binary people identify as either or both at various time. Maybe a chat with a gender therapist would help give you some clarity.

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Cheers

Grace

[fadedreflection]

Hey Adam

Welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.

It isn't necessary for you to be one gender or another - a number of non binary people identify as either or both at various time. Maybe a chat with a gender therapist would help give you some clarity.

Cheers

Grace

Thanks.

It's not that I identify as female at all. I identify as male, but it seems bizarre (but right) to transition and then to dress in "girly" things as a boy sometimes.

I confuse myself.

[katrinaw]

Hi Adam,

Welcome to Susan's..

Being Gender questioning is not uncommon, but possibly hard to handle, of course even being preferred gender confirmed, some of us still have to maintain the normalised view (whatever that gender view is
) of yourself for a period of time for many reasons.

But getting some sort of professional guidance to help you understand yourself is key to balance in your life.

Good luck and look forward to seeing you about the forum's...

L Katy 

[fadedreflection]

Hi Adam,

Welcome to Susan's..

Being Gender questioning is not uncommon, but possibly hard to handle, of course even being preferred gender confirmed, some of us still have to maintain the normalised view (whatever that gender view is
) of yourself for a period of time for many reasons.

But getting some sort of professional guidance to help you understand yourself is key to balance in your life.

Good luck and look forward to seeing you about the forum's...

L Katy 

Thanks, L Katy.

That's the truth. I came out to my mom in January as being a transguy and ever since, she makes it a point to point out anything I do that isn't considered "manly." Three cheers for dysphoria!

Yes, I'll have to look for help from a gender therapist soon.

Thanks again,
Adam

[Dena]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I don't have a clue because I am not sure how far you have thought out the process. You may not have accepted your female half and are trying to make it acceptable by being a boy. It's also possible you are a member who is happy with manhood and really dislikes the idea of being a woman. We are cool with either path but what is important is that you find out which one you are. Therapy will be required but for starters I can give you something that will start the process off. Go to youtube and request "The transition channel". If you can see your self in those arguments, then you have a female side that you are covering up. If you don't see yourself, then you might be on the cross dresser side of things. Only you can answer the question "What am I?" but we are willing to help you in your quest.
If you post to this thread, I will receive notifications and will respond to any questions I can answer. Good luck in your quest.

[fadedreflection]

Welcome to Susan's Place. I don't have a clue because I am not sure how far you have thought out the process. You may not have accepted your female half and are trying to make it acceptable by being a boy. It's also possible you are a member who is happy with manhood and really dislikes the idea of being a woman. We are cool with either path but what is important is that you find out which one you are. Therapy will be required but for starters I can give you something that will start the process off. Go to youtube and request "The transition channel". If you can see your self in those arguments, then you have a female side that you are covering up. If you don't see yourself, then you might be on the cross dresser side of things. Only you can answer the question "What am I?" but we are willing to help you in your quest.
If you post to this thread, I will receive notifications and will respond to any questions I can answer. Good luck in your quest.

I have seen that channel, I think. I relate with the ftm side. I was born female but I don't identify with that at all. Sometimes I feel like a dominant, masculine boy, and sometimes, I feel like a shy, submissive "feminine" BOY. I hate being referred to with female pronouns; it just doesn't feel right.

I have felt this way for as long as I can remember but have been actively thinking about it for about 4 years.

[Dena]

I have seen that channel, I think. I relate with the ftm side. I was born female but I don't identify with that at all. Sometimes I feel like a dominant, masculine boy, and sometimes, I feel like a shy, submissive "feminine" BOY. I hate being referred to with female pronouns; it just doesn't feel right.

I have felt this way for as long as I can remember but have been actively thinking about it for about 4 years.

I am sorry for the mis gendering, I posted that just up from bed and my head wasn't clear yet. It is possible for a FTM to have a kind heart. Many males are also this way and if you do, some lucky partner in the future will love you very much for it. You may also have a side that wants to be the strong protector type. They can both be a part of the same personality if you allow them to be and stay away from role playing.  I suspect you haven't started hormones yet because they will somewhat change your outlook on the world and as such may alter your view of yourself. Our personality is a mix of many parts. I have a very strong feminine side but the other day when I was walking the neighborhood I saw a man and a woman that looked like they were in an argument. My old male side kicked in and I stood about 100 feet off to see what developed. Had the man forced the woman to do something she didn't want, I would have been there ready for a fight. In the end, the woman left with a smile on her face so I returned to my walk. You need to find a mix that works for you and don't be afraid of bringing the best part of the old you to the new you.

[fadedreflection]

I am sorry for the mis gendering, I posted that just up from bed and my head wasn't clear yet. It is possible for a FTM to have a kind heart. Many males are also this way and if you do, some lucky partner in the future will love you very much for it. You may also have a side that wants to be the strong protector type. They can both be a part of the same personality if you allow them to be and stay away from role playing.  I suspect you haven't started hormones yet because they will somewhat change your outlook on the world and as such may alter your view of yourself. Our personality is a mix of many parts. I have a very strong feminine side but the other day when I was walking the neighborhood I saw a man and a woman that looked like they were in an argument. My old male side kicked in and I stood about 100 feet off to see what developed. Had the man forced the woman to do something she didn't want, I would have been there ready for a fight. In the end, the woman left with a smile on her face so I returned to my walk. You need to find a mix that works for you and don't be afraid of bringing the best part of the old you to the new you.

It's okay. I don't know if I made myself entirely clear at first.

I have not started any medical transition yet, but T is on the list for sure. Maybe I am making this more complicated than it should be. I guess I just have to find a way to combine all of these aspects of my personality into the guy that I'm supposed to be.

[Dena]

It's okay. I don't know if I made myself entirely clear at first.

I have not started any medical transition yet, but T is on the list for sure. Maybe I am making this more complicated than it should be. I guess I just have to find a way to combine all of these aspects of my personality into the guy that I'm supposed to be.

Correction to your wording, The guy you want to be. You should never try to be what somebody else thinks you should be. The only way you will be happy with life is to live the role that you want.

[fadedreflection]

Correction to your wording, The guy you want to be. You should never try to be what somebody else thinks you should be. The only way you will be happy with life is to live the role that you want.

You're right, and that's what I mean. Thanks!

[Devlyn]

Hi Adam/Gabriel/Angel! I'm not seeing anything weird in your posts at all. I'm firmly in non-binary territory too. Being you is the only important thing. You may now proceed with a happy life! 

Hugs, Devlyn

[fadedreflection]

Hi Adam/Gabriel/Angel! I'm not seeing anything weird in your posts at all. I'm firmly in non-binary territory too. Being you is the only important thing. You may now proceed with a happy life! 

Hugs, Devlyn

Thank you! I think that's the part that I need to remember...This is about being more comfortable as myself, not as another stereotype.