how long did it take you to stop worrying about " passing "

[stephaniec]

I'm at 20 months and feel pretty comfortable about " passing " most of the time when I try to " pass ". I sometimes freak out in a mall or some huge store, but mostly I feel pretty good , unless it late at night and I walk by a group of guys I get a little concerned. I started " passing partially at about 6 months and at 20 months it doesn't really bother me much.

[kelly_aus]

There's not really an option for "Never worried about it at all."

[Sabrina]

I honestly don't remember but maybe my lack of caring started during this past winter. This was around the time I started wearing short skirts without leggings. In order to pull it off, I couldn't care what anyone else thought.

[JLT1]

I went full time 6 week after FFS.  It took about 10 months before I stopped worrying completely.

Jen

[iKate]

6 months or so

[Tessa James]

I knew before starting transition that what is typically called passing was not likely for me as a late in life transitioner.  My goals were simply to live happily as my real self and i have always passed perfectly as myself even before HRT

If passing means appearing to everyone as a FAAB then lots of surgery and other dramatic changes would be needed for this girl.  Those who knew me for 60 years prior to transition would probably still see some of the former man in me.  Big whoop, it's true.   I lived as a guy for a long time.

My aspirations for passing are to not worry about it at all.  While I prefer people getting me right I just can't let others dictate my identity, self respect or keep me home in the closet.  Diversity is part of the wealth of community.  Viva la difference.

"Passing" sounds like we are talking about the deceased or a case of flatulence.  And both of those are expected and natural events too.

[Evelyn K]

12 - 18 months hormones only (15 months more precisely.)

I can be wearing a Giants football linebackers uniform, no makeup and my hair tied up short. I will still get gendered female.

[Devlyn]

I knew before starting transition that what is typically called passing was not likely for me as a late in life transitioner.  My goals were simply to live happily as my real self and i have always passed perfectly as myself even before HRT

If passing means appearing to everyone as a FAAB then lots of surgery and other dramatic changes would be needed for this girl.  Those who knew me for 60 years prior to transition would probably still see some of the former man in me.  Big whoop, it's true.   I lived as a guy for a long time.

My aspirations for passing are to not worry about it at all.  While I prefer people getting me right I just can't let others dictate my identity, self respect or keep me home in the closet.  Diversity is part of the wealth of community.  Viva la difference.

"Passing" sounds like we are talking about the deceased or a case of flatulence.  And both of those are expected and natural events too.

Same here, no matter what I do, everyone knows it's me. I pass as me 100% of the time. It's a burden,  but I'm a trooper. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[stephaniec]

Same here, no matter what I do, everyone knows it's me. I pass as me 100% of the time. It's a burden,  but I'm a trooper. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[iKate]

Same here, no matter what I do, everyone knows it's me. I pass as me 100% of the time. It's a burden,  but I'm a trooper. 

Hugs, Devlyn

Lol!

I can't even do that these days. :\

[Devlyn]

Stephanie, I love your polls, but this one seems to have a scope issue. All the answers seem to be keyed off a transition timeline. As we know, not everyone transitions, and it is independent of "passing" anyway. To that end, although I'm not a transsexual or transitioning, I voted 18 to 24 months because that is about how far into my process I was when I realized it didn't matter how other people see me.

Hugs, Devlyn

[marsh monster]

I worried more about it before I started working as myself, but once I got used to being in front of the public all the time, it just stopped bothering me so much. Its not like I'll ever pass anyway...

[Wild Flower]

You seem passable as any other gg

[Sydney_NYC]

Even though I was passing without issues 3 1/2 months into HRT, I still worried about it. After always being gendered female for well over a year I finally figured that I just don't need to worry about it anymore.

[Carrie Liz]

2.5 years in, and I'm still worried about it.

I thought I was getting close to the point where I could just take my gender for granted, since even though I still saw a man in the mirror a lot, I was never misgendered and never shown open signs of people being aware of my trans status. My mind was slowly calming down with the thought "nobody notices but you."

But just a week ago my work supervisor dropped a big bombshell on me by telling me that I'm not passing, that everyone I work with knows I'm trans, and not just because other people told them, and I got called "he" for the first time in a year by a complete stranger.

I was pretty devastated. My own self-critical eye was right all along.

And so I'm still not at the point where I can relax. I'm still stuck being afraid every single day that my outward appearance invalidates my gender, and there's never a time that I don't worry about it to one degree or another. It's not something that really affects my life that much anymore because I've learned to live with it, but the concern is still there.

And I still can't wear unisex clothing and just be automatically gendered female anyway. People stare when I do, and they tend to avoid pronouns rather than say "he" or "she." So yeah, regrettably, I'm just not there yet. I still can't just relax and be confident.

[Zoetrope]

The first few months. I made a point early on to invest less emotion into 'passing', and just go with the flow. It was a decision.

Things have been smooth since then.

This is a long road and we simply must be kind to ourselves.

[Yenneffer]

2.5 years in, and I'm still worried about it.

I thought I was getting close to the point where I could just take my gender for granted, since even though I still saw a man in the mirror a lot, I was never misgendered and never shown open signs of people being aware of my trans status. My mind was slowly calming down with the thought "nobody notices but you."

But just a week ago my work supervisor dropped a big bombshell on me by telling me that I'm not passing, that everyone I work with knows I'm trans, and not just because other people told them, and I got called "he" for the first time in a year by a complete stranger.

I was pretty devastated. My own self-critical eye was right all along.

And so I'm still not at the point where I can relax. I'm still stuck being afraid every single day that my outward appearance invalidates my gender, and there's never a time that I don't worry about it to one degree or another. It's not something that really affects my life that much anymore because I've learned to live with it, but the concern is still there.

And I still can't wear unisex clothing and just be automatically gendered female anyway. People stare when I do, and they tend to avoid pronouns rather than say "he" or "she." So yeah, regrettably, I'm just not there yet. I still can't just relax and be confident.

Wow what a you know what hugs

[suzifrommd]

I'm two years out and still worry about it. Being clocked bothers me, being seen as a woman without my baggage and history still thrills me.

[Martine A.]

Oh, this poll was simple. I didn't start my transition, but I also don't care anymore.

That however, conceals the full story. See, 2+ years ago I moved to the Netherlands. I started over as a man, in my last attempt to fight my gender. Broke down in January 2015, so that was it. I am who I am and will waste no more time pretending. I started going out again just to be among people, to have a warm drink near a busy street, and to see how people react. Dutch people are very good at minding their own business in general; so far tourists caused me most trouble in form of comments, swears, finger-pointing, being excited they 'blew my cover', giving me angry stares etc.

I know I am not passable. I still have that beard shadow and I suck at makeup. This week I had my first laser session so it will take a while to get that in order. But I don't intend to hide indoors, except from sun rays of course. This is my life and I did nothing wrong to be confined to my home.

[Lady Smith]

It was around the three year mark when I decided I wasn't going to worry about 'passing' anymore.  That was when I started my studies to become a social worker and decided to be open about being TG.

After I came to that decision whenever someone made an insulting remark about me it was because they were ill mannered and rude not because I couldn't 'pass'.  Having worked in disability employment for 3 years I know very well that there are plenty of ill mannered and rude folk about who laugh at and insult anybody they see as being different so I refuse to buy into the whole 'passing' gig.

And Tessa I loved your comments on what the word 'passing' reminds you of