I don't post often, I used to post a lot when I started transition. I'm hoping by righting about some of my recent thoughts I can help people out just like I had help in the past. Of course this is just how I feel about things and everyone copes differently. A little background I started to transition after my wife told me she want a divorce, I was already being treated for depression and anxiety prior. I started hormones while still in the Army, which I was discharged from for my mental health and I now live off my retirement currently.
Now here's what I wanted to write about. It's what I've started doing recently, which helps a lot, I've shut off the part of my brain that was obsessed with seeing myself as transgender and turned on the part that sees me as a female. I also started to become super social with other people and moms around my age as a result, even been going to the pool at my apartments everyday since it opened Saturday. In general it's helped me be a lot happier and true to myself, and the people I do talk to long enough that start asking about my son's Dad get kinda confused when I tell them I am lol.
I know it doesn't sound like changing a whole lot, but for just that small amount of social interaction has improved my mood so much. I feel so much better on a day when I go out and talk to new people compared to a day when I stay home and watch Netflix all day. I'll still have an occasional Netflix day, but I was having Netflix weeks.
I did give up a lot of things in life to get where I'm at in life right now, but I believe I'm much happier. It's my families loss if they can't act appropriately enough for me to keep them in my life, I'm more concerned with my son and my own well being. My wife and I are better off as friends and aren't upset about eventually getting divorced. My old friends don't talk to me, but they also live in NYC where I grew up and I moved to Oklahoma.
I believe deciding to transition is about self preservation and people will call you selfish, they'll be partially right, but not fully because sometimes the other options are far worse.
