Please, mother, I'm not an "attention-seeker"

[CarrotInsanity]

(Letter I'll never muster up the courage to send)

Mom, I'm your son.  I'll say that directly.  Set in stone.  No beating around the bush.  I love you and want to maintain a great relationship - so please don't belittle me.

I am not possessed by demons.  I'm not yielding to "false-confidence" from the devil.  I am not trying to get a reaction out of your conservative family.  I am not spitting in the face of femininity.  I have nothing against femininity - I am simply not a girl. 

I never wanted to tell you at this point.  My brothers thought it'd be funny to out me in the lewdest way possible.

This year has been a struggle for all of us - you especially.  I know you're hurting so much right now, and I didn't want to burden you. 

I am breaking out of my shell, finally.  I'm no longer afraid to be out in public.  I feel confident now.  I don't feel claustrophobic in my clothes, my image. 

I understand if you still don't accept/understand this.  It's OK.  Just please don't lecture me.  Please don't gang up on me with my grandma and aunt.  It shatters any self-esteem I've built up.  Please don't alienate my uncle against me.  Please don't make me feel guilty by putting yourself in the position of "victim."  Please don't justify your position with the bible - I've read it myself, and there's nothing there condemning me.  Please don't tell me I'm being converted to the spawn of Satan.  Please don't blame my dad for this - he doesn't understand me either, but he accepts it. 

Please don't love me only as a sad grey painted girl-puppet.  That isn't me.  I was acting that role miserably.   

Please love me as your son.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! You have the strength, you just need to believe in yourself and do it. Copy, paste, send. You can do that. 

Hugs, Devlyn

[suzifrommd]

Beautiful words. I hope you find a way to communicate them to the person who needs to hear them.

[Dee Marshall]

Hug!

[awilliams1701]

This is very well written. I think you should do it. In my own experience people that reject you either have their minds made up or they are confused. If your mom is the former I don't think it will make anything worse. If your mom is the later, she might change her mind.

[Jacqueline]

So great.

I know just writing doesn't change anything. I am not saying you should be satisfied now but it must be such a relief to collect all those thoughts and emotions. Getting them down can be a exciting, terrifying and incredible experience. I feel that the Bible is not the enemy anymore than we are to those who feel threatened by us. It is the fearful people who pin their problems to it.

I feel like a hypocrite saying this but hold on to that self esteem and self worth no matter what is hurled back at you.

I can't tell you what to do. However I admire your self recognition and ability to express it so well. I sometimes wish I had recognized what I am and had your courage when I still lived with my parents. Your courage is great.

All I can do is tell you that you are not alone. Whether you send it or not, there are people who will accept and support you. We wish you all the luck in the world that you must feel pitted against.

With loving thoughts,

Joanna

[Mariah]

It's a very lovely and touching letter. I hope sometime you have courage to send it to her. Hugs
Mariah

[Laura_7]

You could have a look here for a few resources, with a rational background.
Many people simply have outdated views, for example from the media (which is changing now):
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,189289.msg1684320.html#msg1684320
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,189190.msg1683329.html#msg1683329


Imo you should look for support...
please reach out and call one of the numbers given in the links if you feel like it...


you might look for a counselor, a good gender therapist, saying at home you want counseling for emotional reasons.
You might look for someone who has, amongst others, gender on their list.
A gender therapist could help you along and help explaining. If they are not supportive look for another.
If its connected with depression or emotional issues it might be covered.

You might look for support groups.

And keep coming here and writing about your thoughts.
Alone writing might help, and people will try to support you.

have a big *hug*

[FreyasRedemption]

Reading anything even remotely like this always makes my eyes wet.
But this.....there are no words strong enough.
I wish I could do something to help. I wish I could offer more than just written words.
But.....Whatever the circumstances, DO NOT GIVE UP. I hope your mother will see the truth as it is, but should the worst to come, have a backup plan ready. Look for people you can trust, so that you have someone you can talk to if it goes all wrong. Make sure you do that before you give her the letter, or better yet, tell all of it to her, face to face. That would take unbelievable amounts of courage, and it is all right if you can't do it. Me, I am still very, very much unable to discuss the whole thing with my own mother, and she seems to accept it just fine. So who am I to talk about courage.... 
Just.....make sure you are safe. Prepare for the worst, so the pain will hurt as little as possible. It may not be the greatest advice to give, but having a plan ready can save one's life. Gather your strength. You will need it.
There is a better tomorrow.
-Freya

[beelzebub]

This is a really great letter man and I wish you the best of luck with coming out if you do choose to submit it <3

[Mariah]

Hi beelzebub, welcome to Susan's. I look forward to seeing you around the forums. Good Luck and Hugs
Mariah

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[JenSquid]

That was well written. I wish you the best.