how do you best deal with people's negative reactions towards you?

[Shawn Sunshine]

hi gals and girls and everyone else I have been going through a serious ..well....somewhat serious issue.

you know since I'm in the middle of my transition right now I only occasionally get the female thing I only occasionally get mam. But I when i am not dressed up I do not even get into the territory of passing so on those days where I'm just dressed up but not wearing makeup I am dealing with people stares, snickers, and rude behavior and of course potentially worse than that but what's really hurting me is just the few things that happened recently like there was a lady who sheltered her child away from me just because of the fact that she was afraid I was some kind of a deviant child molester or whatever just because of the fact that I was different and dressed up and she didn't know what to think

then there was another lady who was an older black lady with her daughter and gave me a once up and down look over and then didn't say hello just frowned and then look me up and down again and looked at my clothes and looked at my eyes and basically just had nothing to say but the look on her face was like she was mentally thinking what are you trying to be


so how do I let these things go and not let it affect me how do I not internalize it so where its not staying there repeating the tape over and over in my head again for the rest of the day.

what do you all do to deal with this issue?

[Laurie K]

Girl,  when you find a cure for  the negativity that we get from society, bottle it and sell it.you will be rich. The best advice I can give you is reafirm who you are.  The woman you are inside has confidence and is strong. The comments made are by those who have no idea what makes you and, do not understand.  I dont dwell on the negativity but what I can do to change how those comments and actions make me feel. Ya we do get pissed off but, we dont need to carry a bag full of piss around..... dump it at the first opportunity.

[stephaniec]

It's just a matter of knowing yourself and doing what you need to do.

[Jill F]

By proudly serving as the middle finger they deserve personified.

[Ms Grace]

I was once with a group of other trans women at a club. It was clear the guy behind the bar knew we were trans and wasn't about to concede an inch of pleasantness when I went up to order a drink. The grumpy frown on his face might have been his usual look, I dunno, but I took it as a challenged and gave him a huge smile and hello. Before he knew it he was smiling back.

A few months ago I was on a weekend train, an elderly couple were sitting opposite me staring and exchanging comments in Hindi, it was pretty darn rude. So I just stared back, smiled and waved. That took care of them.

I think the number one rule is not care what other people think. Obviously if what they're thinking is "I'm going to cause that person some serious hurt" then you should get to a safe place ASAP, otherwise just ignore them and/or smile.

[warlockmaker]

We all know negativity and those condensending looks. Just ignore or better still smile - no need to get down to their level. If it verbal abuse and you feel so indignant, and want to respond, then get the phone out and video record. There are laws in many places that protect us plus there is always utube to broadcast this where you dont need to show who you are.

[Zoetrope]

I respond with good cheer and kindness. It makes any trolls I meet feel really, really rotten and guilty!

[big kim]

depends what sort of mood I'm in. most day's I ignore them,sometimes a **** you is an appropriate response

[iKate]

I hold my head high. That's all you can do.

[suzifrommd]

Shawn, I'm sorry you have to deal with this. You are a sweet soul and it's awful that not everyone sees that.

This is injustice. Understand that. Judging someone based on looks is EVIL. Don't forget that. They are the ones who are being antisocial and rude, not you.

Can you feel sorry for them? Feel sorry that no one ever taught them how to be decent human beings, that they don't have the ability to see the wonderful woman you are because they are so preoccupied with your looks.

When someone clocks me, as others have said, I hold my head high. I show them that the face of transgender is intelligent, competent and PROUD.

[rosinstraya]

Stay strong. They despise that you are being you, and that you are happy and proud in doing that. They feel like sh1t, act like sh1ts and want to make you as miserable as them.

If at all possible - ignore them, they don't deserve your energy or care. Save that for you, your friends and loved ones!

[Shawn Sunshine]

well this is what I normally try to do I do ....smile often and I also try to chat have some conversation about what they're wearing what they are doing try to redirect when it is very concerned about me.c..omfortable about the fact that I like them but usually work but sometimes it doesn't then sometimes I don't feel like doing it because I'm taking their comments and there's there's stuff and combining it with what my mom says anything you need and then it all goes south of it as my confidence

it's very difficult though at times when I'm feeling like crap

[JLT1]

Hi Shawn,

I smile at them and say hello.  Then,  I walk off.  It works best if I smile before they get to negative.

It will get better.

Hugs

Jen