I do want to say that being passable isn't the end of my transition by a long shot. Just one of many goals that I actually managed to meet. But there are a lot of times these days where I look at myself in the mirror... I think, am I really that different? Am I that far along? I have the basic template down, and I look like and am treated like any other woman. But then what else is there? I know my breasts are still growing and developing, and I may get further rounding and softening all over.. Body hair may keep thinning a bit. But those are minor things. Rhinoplasty? Breast augmentation? Those are cosmetic, and not necessary to be accepted as a woman, or for me to accept myself as a woman. SRS? Well, it is a big goal, but for one I'm not hugely dysphoric about what's down there. It just doesn't match the rest of me anymore, and is annoying when wearing panties or when it becomes 'unseated' out in public... But still, when I look in the mirror and wonder what else there is to do, having a vagina isn't the be all end all for me. It's not the final goal and isn't going to make me feel complete. Thinking about all this, I realized that it's not just physical stuff. I may have gotten over the 'passing paranoia' in public but looking at myself, I still haven't gotten used to the changes. It's all happened so quickly, that I still often have trouble coping with it all. It's not bad or anything, just hard to fathom going from one completely different person to another in less than a year. I still have to reconcile all that and come to terms with it. And beyond all that, I also realize I am a baby.. I may technically be an adult but I'm still going through puberty again, and it's not just physical but mental and emotional as well. I have a lot of growing yet to do until I consider myself a woman. A lot more I need to go through and experience. Granted I've already been through a lot in a short period of time, but for now I'm just a little girl who has some growing up to do. In time, I hope to figure out my sexuality, become a mother, determine what kind of a woman I want to be, and ultimately see how it all turns out. Those are just a few of my big goals in life as a woman.. passing is really just a small piece of a big beginning. I just hope some of you don't see it as the only goal there is, or the most important. There is a lot more to womanhood, and not all cis-women pass either.
