Among trans, referrencing transwomen as a girl or woman without cis context

[DanielleA]

 I so agree with Kate about being a "woman. Full stop". For me being trans is just an issue to be overcome. And I have never liked the idea of calling biowomen as cis. As far as I can tell we are all women and my womanhood has an issue attached to it.

[ana1111]

this post really rubs me wrong....like it sounds like its implying "cis women are so much different than all trans women and its way more of an accomplishment and better to date a cis girl".. ..... I feel the same I suppose when I hear of trans women dating men and than find out the guy there "dating" has no idea about there parts or transness or was there old gay boyfriend as a guy who stayed through transition...I get the same impression that other trans girls look down on me and my relationships as less of an accomplishment when I tell them my boyfriends have all known I was pre op and trans and were ok with that or happy about that... like its like "oh your relationship is less normal or valid cause your guy sounds like a "->-bleeped-<-" " um no its not...the fact that im not lying about my past or body parts and that my partner is completely attracted to all of me doesn't make my relationships less valid it makes them more... so ya dating a trans woman isn't less valid or less good...you shouldn't have to say "my trans gf" I would hate that, how would you like to always be the "trans-friend" instead of the girlfriend lol?

[Erica_Y]

For me I see no reason to be obligated to share trans status with anybody unless I want to share such info. I am female with a condition that is for me to know and share as I see fit. Others chose to be more up front and that is fine to but that is a personal choice.

[Mariah]

 

Okay folks. Lets please keep things civil. We do not need take peoples responses personally.
Mariah

[Wednesday]

I get the same impression that other trans girls look down on me and my relationships as less of an accomplishment when I tell them my boyfriends have all known I was pre op and trans and were ok with that or happy about that... like its like "oh your relationship is less normal or valid cause your guy sounds like a "->-bleeped-<-" " um no its not...the fact that im not lying about my past or body parts and that my partner is completely attracted to all of me doesn't make my relationships less valid it makes them more

There's not enough "thumbs up" in the universe for this. Nailed. Nothing more to add, really.

[Lady Smith]

That's funny, I don't think about someone's girlfriend/boyfriend as "cis" or "trans"...I'm just happy they have one.

I think you say "it feels disingenuous" because revealing a partner to be trans shows that your assumption was false, and rather than humbly say to yourself, "Gee, I really shouldn't assume things like that" you shift the blame onto the other person for hiding her partner's gender status...which isn't really any of your business anyway.

immho

This.

Labels are for jam jars.

[Evelyn K]

That's funny, I don't think about someone's girlfriend/boyfriend as "cis" or "trans"...I'm just happy they have one.

I think you say "it feels disingenuous" because revealing a partner to be trans shows that your assumption was false, and rather than humbly say to yourself, "Gee, I really shouldn't assume things like that" you shift the blame onto the other person for hiding her partner's gender status...which isn't really any of your business anyway.

immho

The thing is, I know how much transphobia exists in the cis lesbian community. And seeing several stories of transwomen with lesbian hookups, I oft wondered how awesome that was, that things seem to be getting better with trans acceptance. Until it was revealed the "girlfriend" hookup was trans as well. So my assumption was more of a confirmation that I was right. That there was more to the story than it seemed.

[Ms Grace]

If it helps Evelyn, I know a trans/cis lesbian couple in RL. They got together post transition.

[Evelyn K]

^^ Nice. I am actually more open to dating a transwoman these days than CIS to be honest. We'd have so much in common. And mebe she'll like video games.

Yeah I'm a wishy-washy person.

[kelly_aus]

The thing is, I know how much transphobia exists in the cis lesbian community. And seeing several stories of transwomen with lesbian hookups, I oft wondered how awesome that was, that things seem to be getting better with trans acceptance. Until it was revealed the "girlfriend" hookup was trans as well. So my assumption was more of a confirmation that I was right. That there was more to the story than it seemed.

And yet I can't pick up a trans women if I tried.. Cis women, on the other hand, I have no problems with..

[AbbyKat]

Not just here but in other trans spheres, I find it misleading when speaking of dating other girls or women, or referring to their wives (who happen to be trans) without noting they are trans when conversing with other trans peoples.

When I hear of a transwoman mentioning their girlfriend, I think to myself "awesome she passed the CIS test and is dating one!" only to be o.O when the trans component reveals itself and it feels disingenuous.

I know I'm not the only one. Amongst ourselves shouldn't trans folks be more upfront and honest about the candor of our conquests and note if they cis or trans or otherwise?

Maybe people leave off the "trans" qualifier because they are indifferent to it.  It's as if you are implying there is a hierarchy of "scoring" and being with a transgender person is somehow lower on the ladder.

I wouldn't view leaving that part out as being "disingenuous".  On the contrary, I would feel complimented that the person didn't assume I would give a crap.

[Evelyn K]

^^ Yes. Right. But like it or not, a hierarchy between cis and trans does exist. If it didn't exist, and we where equals, then there wouldn't be a need to transition and try to appear more in-step with what we're trying to emulate.

[Mariah]

It's time to put this thread out to pasture. It's clearly run it's course, but it's done.
Thread locked.