Unsupportive Family

[kian]

Before I get into this, I want to give a bit of background on  my situation.
My parents are Eastern European and Catholic.... not exactly the most accepting people.
As a child, I would always play male roles and see myself as one of the boys(my groups of friends were guys and girls) until one day one of my "friends" told me that I should stop "acting like a boy" because I wasn't one.
This ,of course, infuriated me but I didn't know why it did.
In 6th grade, I had to bring a magazine into class for a scrap booking project. I brought this People magazine and what caught my eye was this section where they interviewed two trans people(One FtM and another MtF). I gravitated towards the guy more because I understood his struggles , at the age of 12.

I found out I was trans in 8th grade, however my parents did not take this lightly. I mentioned this again sophomore year of high school and my mom ended up breaking down , saying that I'm selfish and I have issues. Later I realized she wants me to be like her even though I'm a different person. She's sometimes confusing cause she said she would be okay if I liked girls but when I went to the library to look at LGBT books, she grabbed me by that collar and basically swore at me and said "You better not be gay or else!" She doesn't physically abuse me but sometimes her words hurt. My dad... I'm pretty sure he's disappointed.

Fast forward, I'm 18 years old now and I need to transition NOW. It's getting worse for me and I'm tired of living a lie. My relationship with my mom is better but I'm sure it will plummet once she finds out. I really don't know what to do. I do have a part-time job and I'm starting my first year of college this fall but my parents are paying for my college.

Please help. 

[Laura_7]

here in this thread are a few links to resources that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190820.msg1702063.html#msg1702063

A brochure stating being tg is biological... so its neither the tg persons fault nor that of parents...
there are pictures in there which could be easily translated...

and a quite emotional explanation from the father of a tg person...

and concerning religion, if someone was born with a visible birth condition other people would be called to help, too...

well you might contact lgbt organizations or transgender groups in your country and ask how the process is organized...
or there might be helplines for tg people...
usually people go to a gender therapist who helps them along and supports them... if they are not supportive look for another.

it might be possible to tell parents the therapist is for emotional reasons... and work on transition...
and they might help explaining to parents after some time. You might consider if you are financially dependent.


hugs

[suzifrommd]

Hugs, kian. One of the hardest parts of being trans comes when the people who support you financially put up roadblocks.

You might try educating your parents. Make sure they know:
* Being transgender is not something you chose. You were born that way.
* Being transgender is SERIOUS. Anxiety and depression are common among those who try to ignore it.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own and no one has ever found a way to "cure" it.
* Transition is a respected medical treatment that has a very high rate of success.

If your parents understand all that, they'll realize you have to transition. Of course you can't make them understand, and if they decide to close their minds to the facts, there's no way to force them to see, but it's worth a try. You may have to explain to them several times - sometimes someone has to hear things more than once before they sink in. Whatever you do, stay calm and factual. If they don't believe some part of what you've told them, try to question them to find out what they don't believe, and then maybe produce some statistics to back up what you've said.

Don't know if this will work, but it's worth a try.

[kian]

Hugs, kian. One of the hardest parts of being trans comes when the people who support you financially put up roadblocks.

You might try educating your parents. Make sure they know:
* Being transgender is not something you chose. You were born that way.
* Being transgender is SERIOUS. Anxiety and depression are common among those who try to ignore it.
* It typically doesn't go away on its own and no one has ever found a way to "cure" it.
* Transition is a respected medical treatment that has a very high rate of success.

If your parents understand all that, they'll realize you have to transition. Of course you can't make them understand, and if they decide to close their minds to the facts, there's no way to force them to see, but it's worth a try. You may have to explain to them several times - sometimes someone has to hear things more than once before they sink in. Whatever you do, stay calm and factual. If they don't believe some part of what you've told them, try to question them to find out what they don't believe, and then maybe produce some statistics to back up what you've said.

Don't know if this will work, but it's worth a try.

I tried to sit down with my mom and talk about it with her. She didn't really understand it and I don't think she wants to. I can't change how she thinks, that's how she is. I respect her I do, but I'm scared of rejection.

[kian]

here in this thread are a few links to resources that could help:
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190820.msg1702063.html#msg1702063

A brochure stating being tg is biological... so its neither the tg persons fault nor that of parents...
there are pictures in there which could be easily translated...

and a quite emotional explanation from the father of a tg person...

and concerning religion, if someone was born with a visible birth condition other people would be called to help, too...

well you might contact lgbt organizations or transgender groups in your country and ask how the process is organized...
or there might be helplines for tg people...
usually people go to a gender therapist who helps them along and supports them... if they are not supportive look for another.

it might be possible to tell parents the therapist is for emotional reasons... and work on transition...
and they might help explaining to parents after some time. You might consider if you are financially dependent.


hugs

There is a gender therapist 20 minutes from my house. But my parents don't believe in therapy because they think it won't help at all. However once I get a car, I can go to therapy in secret.

[Tessa James]

That fear of refection is powerful and one many of us here can understand.  Fears can be faced down and they can get worse in isolation.  I hope you can find some one you can talk with and that you trust.  There are other transgender people all over the world and maybe there is a group or other LGBTQIA+ resources in your community?

Good luck

[Laura_7]

I tried to sit down with my mom and talk about it with her. She didn't really understand it and I don't think she wants to. I can't change how she thinks, that's how she is. I respect her I do, but I'm scared of rejection.

In one of the links is an article "to the unicorns dad"
You could translate this with google translate into your language.

Some people write a letter and show materials like vids later.

There are parts of the brain different in men and women.
Before birth, body and brain develop at different times.
Certain substance levels at certain times are triggers.
Therefore a mismatch between brain and body is possible.
Its nobodys fault, neither their upbringing nor whatever.
gires.org.uk/global/img/babies.jpg
Transgender people were always around in all cultures. Its simply not widely regarded.


hugs