Bathrooms and Lockers, Gyms and Public Places...what to do? Can I do?

[Shawn Sunshine]

Ok so I have yet to enter a woman's restroom  i am still fearful of doing so. I have technically been to one at our church when it was not busy and also used the unisex there at church. I have been sticking with unisex restrooms.

Same goes for the YMCA I am a member at here in San Francisco. I use the family rooms which also double as a unisex room and special needs room. I had a lengthy talk before hand with the director of that facility. He totally respects me and understood so made it clear to staff I could also use the family room on the woman's side (which I have but it has no water pressure....go figure).

So here is my dilmea though. In general am I required by law to use a public facility or a private one I pay for on the mens side? And if its legal for me to do so, when should I try it? Because I feel like I am ready but I wanted to know the entire skinny when it came to restrooms, pools etc etc. Especially bathrooms where there are multiple people is an issue. I am getting uncomfortable using certain mens ones that have large crowds like the library.

[Shawn Sunshine]

on a side note is there an app for unisex OR transgender safe restrooms?

[stephaniec]

I'd say if you don't feel confident enough just go unisex or find a single person restroom either male or female. Usually if your in an area of restaurants    there is always one that is atleast single occupancy .

[Shawn Sunshine]

I'd say if you don't feel confident enough just go unisex or find a single person restroom either male or female. Usually if your in an area of restaurants    there is always one that is atleast single occupancy .

so there are not any laws in place then for using restrooms now?

[Dena]

The rule I always went by is use the restroom that matches your appearance. I have to admit that it took some getting used to when I found the woman's social club in the bathroom the first time. I just went in, did my business and left as fast as possible without looking rushed and was pretty much ignored by the crowd. Point your eyes as someone would expect you to. If you need to look them in the face, do so. If you need to look to their side, do so. Do not look at your feet. Take the attitude you are a woman and have a perfect right to be there.

The ultimate test was post surgical when I needed to use a public shower where dressing and undressing took place before other women. The ultimate compliment came one time when I received a large number of nasty bug bites that made welts almost an inch across all over my body. The woman remarked about my bug bytes and nothing else.

[stephaniec]

so there are not any laws in place then for using restrooms now?

not that I know of. if you got to go you got to go

[iKate]

Using restrooms is daunting at first but once you go a few times it becomes no big deal.

The first time I went was in the supermarket. I was petrified. But it was no big deal. I went in, did my business, washed my hands and left. I actually got bounced out of men's rooms a few times so I don't even bother to go there anymore.

Locker rooms can be a challenge as you still have your original parts so if it's an open facility you may have to use a family one or figure out some way to change privately (eg shower stall).

Nobody has ever challenged me using a women's restroom. Ever and I have gone even when it is crowded and I'm waiting in line. I don't think people scrutinize your appearance.

[Dena]

I don't know how it is today but I had a letter from my doctor explaining that I was cross living under medical direction and if I had issues with the law, I was to give them my ID and the letter. As long as I wasn't doing anything illegal, that was my stay of of jail letter. I carried that letter for over two years and never had to use it. Because my physical appearance didn't match my ID and the law wasn't as informed as it is today, the letter could help you out of a stick situation.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Using restrooms is daunting at first but once you go a few times it becomes no big deal.

The first time I went was in the supermarket. I was petrified. But it was no big deal. I went in, did my business, washed my hands and left. I actually got bounced out of men's rooms a few times so I don't even bother to go there anymore.

Locker rooms can be a challenge as you still have your original parts so if it's an open facility you may have to use a family one or figure out some way to change privately (eg shower stall).

Nobody has ever challenged me using a women's restroom. Ever and I have gone even when it is crowded and I'm waiting in line. I don't think people scrutinize your appearance.

I already change privately, however I do this for my own comfort, not theirs, I don't like this in between place. and Yet what if I decided not to have srs surgery? is society then going to force me to use a private locker room forever? as it stands the YMCA though can force me to stay out of the womens, but I don't change in the mens...i only keep my things there.....however sometimes I still if in a rush and getting naked. I really don't look female in my body yet...so

[Shawn Sunshine]

I don't know how it is today but I had a letter from my doctor explaining that I was cross living under medical direction and if I had issues with the law, I was to give them my ID and the letter. As long as I wasn't doing anything illegal, that was my stay of of jail letter. I carried that letter for over two years and never had to use it. Because my physical appearance didn't match my ID and the law wasn't as informed as it is today, the letter could help you out of a stick situation.

um what kind of letter again? how do you get it? Do I need one?

[Dena]

Ask your therapist for a letter stating you are undergoing treatment for gender dysphoria and as part of the treatment you are to live as a woman. The doctor should also suggest if they have any questions they may contact the doctor for additional information. Because we couldn't change our ID until after surgery, things were messy if we needed to deal with the law. There were also some laws on the books about driving in disguise which a officer might apply to use if we couldn't provide a good explanation for what we were doing.
As I said, things might be different today and the letter might not be needed any longer.

I can look around and see if I still have mine if needed but I haven't seen the thing in years so it may take a little looking.

[Mariah]

Hi Shawn. A big thing about the woman's restroom as they have noted is going in like you belong their and do your business as long as your presenting female. As someone mentioned, it might make you more comfortable to have a letter from your therapist to help prove you belong there if there is a question. I haven't had an issue, but then my documents are all changed and show female and I wouldn't go in a men's restroom if you paid me too. It's been a year since I have been in one of those. Hugs
Mariah

[Jessie Ann]

In California you can get the Gender on your drivers license or ID card changed by filing form DL 329.  If it is completed by a psychologist, who indicates that your gender identification and demeanor are either male or female, the change is only good for a period of 5 years and will have to be renewed.  If completed by a physician who indicates that your gender identification is transitional it will also only be good for 5 years.  If completed by a physician who indicates that your gender identification is complete that is it, your license or ID is forever changed to your new gender. 

When I filed mine a couple of weeks ago it was done without charge. 

I have no problem using the ladies room because I am female.  It is where I belong.   In the last few weeks before I transitioned full time it was actually my male co-workers who were acting nervous when I used the mens room, my female co-workers were encourging me to move up my full time date.  LOL

[DanielleA]

I recieved one of those letters from my gender psychologist way back when I started transitioning. But I never used it. It seems like a good thing to have if any trouble did arise. For me it is all about confidence. If you act like you belong then it should be fine.

[iKate]

I already change privately, however I do this for my own comfort, not theirs, I don't like this in between place. and Yet what if I decided not to have srs surgery? is society then going to force me to use a private locker room forever? as it stands the YMCA though can force me to stay out of the womens, but I don't change in the mens...i only keep my things there.....however sometimes I still if in a rush and getting naked. I really don't look female in my body yet...so

People are naturally going to be uncomfortable if they see "penis"' in women's any kind of facility. There is nothing we can do about this. Unfortunately it means privately changing. I would privately change post op anyway.

[michelle82]

As others said just go in like you own the place. As long as you are presenting female and look natural no one is going to conduct any serious analysis of your appearance.

[iKate]

I don't know how it is today but I had a letter from my doctor explaining that I was cross living under medical direction and if I had issues with the law, I was to give them my ID and the letter. As long as I wasn't doing anything illegal, that was my stay of of jail letter. I carried that letter for over two years and never had to use it. Because my physical appearance didn't match my ID and the law wasn't as informed as it is today, the letter could help you out of a stick situation.

I have one from my therapist. I corrected my gender on my NJ DL so the letter is really just for the TSA.

All it says is that you're being treated by this person and you identify as and live full time as a woman. It also says your ID documents may not match your gender presentation but that they're being updated.

[Jenna Marie]

You may want to research the laws for your specific location - they vary by state and even by city.

That said, I changed naked in the women's locker room pre-op and nobody saw anything; lots of women are shy and use the stalls or showers to change. (I even managed to shower without a curtain or other barrier, though that was nerve-wracking and I had to be REALLY careful.) It's possible to strip to skin without flashing anyone anything that they wouldn't expect on a woman's body. By comparison, the bathroom should be a lot easier.