So, five or more years post-op: was it worth it?

[StartingOver]

This is a question for those who have lived being post-op for a long time, and I think it'll help me figure out some final things for me before I take the plunge into SRS myself.  So you're five years out (give or take): the newness has worn off, any lingering medical issues have settled down, and you're essentially "done" with your transition.  You're settled into who you are, and the turmoil of transition is in the past.

Was it worth it?  (The SRS part - not the entire transition.)

I mean, of course it was (right?)  But do you ever reach the point where you're comfortable with body, where your revised genitals feel as if they've been there your entire life?  Or are you finding that the need for dilation continues to shove the fact that you're trans in your face every week or however often you do it at that point in your post-op life?

I'm asking this because I'm on the fence.  Teetering strongly towards getting SRS done and out of the way, but I don't want to be a slave to post-SRS issues: dilation, health issues (such as?) etc.  A lot of the "OMG I feel amazing and this was so worth it" information comes from those who have recently had SRS, and then they seem to disappear over time and there's very few long term road tests available.  Given that I (hopefully) have many decades of life ahead of me (although I'm by no means young), I'd like to make sure that SRS won't be like that new gadget - something that seems like I could never have lived without it in the short term before it turns into something that really isn't so special after all.

I guess I'm asking, is SRS a gift that keeps on giving, something that you don't think about now that it's in the past, or a pain in your backside?

Asking because it's expensive, painful, and will remain utterly private in my case except for a doctor seeing it once in a while.  As someone of limited resources, I'm trying to examine this from a purely practical perspective.  (BTW, from an emotional perspective, it's a resounding "yes" to SRS from me.  But that has to be tempered with some reality.)

[suzifrommd]

But do you ever reach the point where you're comfortable with body, where your revised genitals feel as if they've been there your entire life?  Or are you finding that the need for dilation continues to shove the fact that you're trans in your face every week or however often you do it at that point in your post-op life?

I'm only a year out, but I'll answer the question anyway.

I'm completely comfortable with my new body. Having my body in any other configuration is a distant memory. Dilation is just a chore, like brushing my teeth or cleaning the dishes. I don't associate it with being trans. It's just part of my life. I don't mind it. It doesn't hurt (except for a second or two when the thing goes in), and I can do something else while I'm lying there.

[Rejennyrated]

From the point of view of over 30 years afterwards the SRS, and to a much lesser extent HRT & facial hair removal were the ONLY things that were worthwhile.

Actually I didnt do anything else so thats probably a slightly unfair statement... but the answer from me is a resounding yes.

Trouble is, just because I found it 100% worthwhile doesnt mean you will. We are all different, but I would say that without SRS I would have killed myself within a very short time with 100% certainty. I was not prepared to live with the male bits.

I could have lived without HRT or facial hair removal if I had to, it would have been a struggle, but tolerable, but absolutely not without SRS under any cicumstances whatsoever.

Oh yeah and dilation? hmmm oh yes ... thats when I use a dildo or vibe about once a week to pleasure myself isnt it!

Seriously I haven't formally dilated for over 20 years - I still have over 6" of depth... people make a big deal out of it, but eventually, in my experience, it does become un-necessary as long as you are having some sexual activity.

[Dena]

I can't answer the question for you but after 33 years I find myself walking around with a smile on my face just because I enjoy living. I knew the moment I woke up after surgery it was the right decision and have never regretted it. I have never been sexually active and it has been far to long since I have dilated. I have just bough what I need to find out if I have a problem. Next week end will be the moment of truth.

For me the most important thing was the lack of male hormones in my system and having my body match my mind. I look in the mirror and the body isn't perfect but it is mine and I am happy with it.

You need to ask yourself the question am I happy where I am or do I feel the need to finish the project? If you are happy, don't do the surgery. If you feel the need to finish things, then consider surgery.

The surgery is a graduation ceremony and will not change anything in your life style. It will force you to sit when you pee, it will allow a different form of sex and it will allow you to pass with your clothes off. Everything else can be accomplished without surgery.

The question I have for you is what do you want out of the surgery that you don't already have?

[Jenna Marie]

I'm a bit over three years so disregard this if necessary, but honestly the first year is the one with all the "drama"; after that the overall results are mostly finalized and I was allowed to settle down to once a week dilation or less and otherwise ignore it.

Yes, it was worth it, and no, the dilation isn't much more than a brief mildly annoying chore. I can vaguely remember what things were like before if I try, but otherwise my memory is tempted to edit things so that it's like my body was always this way. Similarly, it doesn't thrill me anymore unless I make an effort to recall the way things were, but "my body is normal and I can stop thinking about it constantly" seriously *was* kind of my goal. I didn't want to be dwelling on my pussy constantly whether that's negative OR positive; I just wanted to get on with life, and I have. With that said, I'm 100% certain I would be miserable if I hadn't done it, and correspondingly grateful that I did.

[Rejennyrated]

BTW, from an emotional perspective, it's a resounding "yes" to SRS from me.  But that has to be tempered with some reality.

Actually having read what Dena, another contemporary of mine, said above I felt the need to add something.

You do realise that you have answered your own question I hope,? Because yes I no longer think about it, but thats precisely the point - I no longer wake and think OH GOD NO I have a penis!!! How can that be? Which for the first twenty or so years was always every single day my first and utterly horrific thought of the day! I have no idea how men cope lol - of course I do really because they don't feel that way I did, but you get my point...

The emotional peace is the WHOLE point. That's 100% of why you do it, because you may never be lucky and have sexual relationship, and if you don't take off your clothes no one else will ever see... BUT you will always know what you have... and for me that was intolerable.

I literally don't care whether someone "sirs" me or sees me as male or ANY of that guff - I do care that when I undress and look at myself in the mirror, or wake in the morning, I unquestionably see and feel a woman. without SRS there would always have been that awkward reminder of male physicallity.

[suzifrommd]

The emotional peace is the WHOLE point. That's 100% of why you do it, because you may never be lucky and have sexual relationship, and if you don't take off your clothes no one else will ever see... BUT you will always know what you have... and for me that was intolerable.

If I could add to what Rejennyrated said, you don't have to be someone who can't stand having male parts. I never minded male parts at all. I kind of liked them and miss them. But I hated not having female parts, if that's making sense, and knowing that I'm now the right shape is a comfort many times a day.

[StartingOver]

Thanks for the responses so far.  Very helpful.

I guess SRS is one of those things that is an emotional decision.  And I've made that choice already - I do need the male parts gone.

My main concern is that I'm unlikely to ever have sex.  Don't want it, don't like guys, don't like girls who want to have sex with me like they're guys, etc.  My vagina would be a bit of a white elephant, although the comments I've read so far strongly suggest that long-term maintenance is really a minor chore.

But yeah, I guess from a psychological perspective, SRS is a no-brainer for me.

[Jenna Marie]

(Dilation *is* a minor chore, but it's also possible to have a "no cavity" GRS where the surgeon creates all the external genitalia - labia majora and minora, clitoris and hood, etc. - but where the vagina would be is a 1" or so depression instead. No dilation required and a faster healing time, but with the obvious tradeoff.)

[Rejennyrated]

(Dilation *is* a minor chore, but it's also possible to have a "no cavity" GRS where the surgeon creates all the external genitalia - labia majora and minora, clitoris and hood, etc. - but where the vagina would be is a 1" or so depression instead. No dilation required and a faster healing time, but with the obvious tradeoff.)

Yeah only problem with that one is that it doesnt look or feel at ALL right - and cis lesbians are rather particular about their vag's - even if they dont want to penetrate - they DO generally want something that tounges and fingers can go into so if StartingOver went for the no cavity her chances of a cis-lesbian relationship become virtually non existent (in my experience)... and I speak as someone who has had (among other assorted relationships) a brief but mutually satisfying cis lesbian partner who is now a good friend, and who was quite open about the fact that if my Vag hadn't looked and felt exactly right she wouldn't have got involved.

So I'd be very careful with that thinking because it will close down options A LOT, and for very little gain in effort! And of course life is long, she doesn't know how she may feel in decades to come... she may THINK she does now, just as I THOUGHT i knew before... but over the last 30 years my preferences have surprsingly (to me) drifted inexorably towards male partners. I never thought they would either... but boy am I glad of that cavity now!

[Jenna Marie]

Jenny : Sure, but that's an issue for someone to decide for themselves personally. I have a close friend who ended up suicidal after GRS because her vagina (vaginal canal, not vulva) triggered dysphoria worse than having a penis, so now I try to make sure people know this option is out there just in case.

As for what lesbians want, that too varies by individual; there are lesbians who have no desire to penetrate even a little bit, and the resulting vulva is anatomically correct and functional as anyone else's.

[Rejennyrated]

Jenny : Sure, but that's an issue for someone to decide for themselves personally. I have a close friend who ended up suicidal after GRS because her vagina (vaginal canal, not vulva) triggered dysphoria worse than having a penis, so now I try to make sure people know this option is out there just in case.

As for what lesbians want, that too varies by individual; there are lesbians who have no desire to penetrate even a little bit, and the resulting vulva is anatomically correct and functional as anyone else's.

Oh yes I take your point completely, no wish to disagree... and as an option of course it makes sense to make people aware.

I just wanted to point out that as with everything else in this life there is also a potential downside. So its not a magic solve all your problems - its just another option to weigh. I suppose I feel the need to say that because its my perception that often in life people are looking for a non existant "easy common sense solution" and I think the options that appear to offer that, can sometime be a trap which later leads to regret.

My only point I suppose is that I've generally found, in life, that keeping future options open is the best way forward.

[Dena]

Something you should understand is that sex will be entirely different after surgery. I am not sure what the proper term for it is but the glow will become possible. It will seem like with sexual excitement you skin feels warm and pleasant. I was able to set it off with my mind and it lasted over half an hour before I forced it to go away. I like the feeling better than anything I had as a male but be warned that you need to correct state of mind to create this condition. The second part is the climax which I haven't experience because I was't looking for it. My opinion is that women get the better end of the sexual arrangement but it will be a good deal different than what you have.

Sex will no longer be something to release pressure but will be something that enhances a peaceful moment.

[pretty pauline]

30 years post op and no regrets, I'm now a married woman with a husband, I don't dilate as I've regular intercourse with my husband.

Something you should understand is that sex will be entirely different after surgery.  My opinion is that women get the better end of the sexual arrangement but it will be a good deal different than what you have. 

Very very true, the sexual experience is so much better for a woman, it's more fullfilling.

If I could add to what Rejennyrated said, you don't have to be someone who can't stand having male parts. I never minded male parts at all. I kind of liked them and miss them. But I hated not having female parts, if that's making sense, and knowing that I'm now the right shape is a comfort many times a day.

That does make a lot of sense, I never hated my male parts, I didn't have a dysphoria about my male parts, but it didn't make sense to me having male parts when I was transitioning to becoming a woman, it didn't feel right, my transition was finally complete when I had SRS, I get great satisfaction now just looking in the mirror and seeing a completely all woman, my female mind, body and spirit matching my female parts.
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[big kim]

21 years post op in December. My only regret is waiting til I was 37

[warmbody28]

years out i can say it was so worth it. cloths fit right and being with the man i want too the way i want too is great

[Northern Jane]

41+ years post-op and, for me personally, it was a godsend! I had been suicidal for a few years before SRS became possible and I wasn't going to last much longer. I was 24 when I had SRS and my life (finally) became normal. Even in the worst of time, I never for a moment regretted surgery and any thought of "going back" is WAY beyond ridiculous!

YMMV but for me it was the ONLY option.

[Nicole]

SRS at 21, now 34.

Was it worth it? yes.
I don't think I needed it when I had it, I was ready and all ok to take that step, I've also said that its all I ever wanted, yet so very over-rated.

These days I don't even think about it, I can buy clothes and know they'll look right, I can wear a bikini and not have to hide, I can go home with a guy and don't fear for my life because I have a penis.

The healing process was hard, I wasn't in pain as much as I was worn out.

At first it was a whole and not much as else, after a while it became a vagina, I started to be proud of it, it wasn't that I didn't like it, but I just couldn't see it as what it was.

From about 6 months on, it was as much apart of me as my arms, legs & head, it was a sexual source, it was an empowerment.

I've had no health issues, nothing has gone wrong other than using dishwashing powder in replace in washing powder and I got a UTI.

[januarysunshine]

I'm new here so I hope you'll take my thoughts with a grain of salt and not as an insult--I don't mean to offend in any way. What I experienced was my desire to have SRS overruled everything in my life. It was so strong that to continue with my birth defect would mean certain death to me. There was nothing I would have done to be surgically corrected and if I couldn't have gotten it done, I would have been dead.
I am now just over 20-years post op, having had surgery when I was in my teens, and I don't even consider it regrettable. In fact, it's like I've always been this way so I don't even think about it. Yeah dilation is a drag and I skip it alot...but i also had a ->-bleeped-<-ty marriage where he deprived me of sex on a regular basis, so I had to dilate even then. But when I think about it, it's like not wearing earrings on a regular basis--they tend to close up too or at least make it harder to get earrings in when I want to wear them. And with dilation, I've gone months without dilating and it didn't close up or anything. Granted I can't take a dilator as deep as years ago or as thick a dilator, but my husband wasn't very large so I had shrunk down to accommodate him. My husband prior to him was much larger and I was able to accommodate him easily without any pain--and we had sex regularly so I didn't have need to dilate ever. I guess I'm trying to say that the vaginal tissue is very resilient and if you take proper care during the first few years, it will have healed and become every bit a vagina as a natal one. At this point, for me, I'm going through the same things post-menopausal women go through, and women who have been without sex for a long time--bleeding upon penetration/dilation, less depth/width...but like natal women, I can stretch my vag back out with proper dilation schedules or regular sex....

I think the further down the road from SRS you get, the more it becomes like a bad dream, the way things were before. 99.9percent of the time I don't even think about being transgendered. The only time I ever really have to even think about it is if I have a medical issue that requires imaging of my abdomen--and at my age I'm considered post-menopausal so I don't even have to bother explaining any lack of internal organs--they just assume hysterectomy.

Whatever you decide to do, you're lucky to be living in these times. The world is way more accepting and way more PC so as not to offend. Look at Bold and Beautiful with their transgender characters now! In my day, the only way to do this was to leave town and everyone behind--now, kids are getting it done even earlier than I did, and are finding acceptance in schools--and legal protections from bullying and abuse. It's not a perfect world but it's way better than in the 80's/90's when I was going through it.

From my heart, I would say to wait on the SRS surgery until you're absolutely certain. I had my surgery in Montreal and the girl I was supposed to room with came up 3 times prior and chickened out every time....and when i was there, she came, got freaked and fled again. I can't imagine such indecisiveness--not to knock you at all--everyone has their own path to take--I'm just saying for me, it was surgery or suicide. And i am deeply truly grateful to each and every person who helped me on my way so I could get my surgery at a young age and for fixing this birth defect that held me back from being "me".
Sending light and love your way.