I came out to my parents via suicide note, but I survived. (Possibly Triggering)

[Taliah]

Like the title says, I attempted to kill myself, and sent my parents a note detailing how I was transgendered. I told them how I felt like a freak (I was in bad place and was beating myself up. I don't actually think of Trans people negatively).
The letter was really emotional and was filled with hate towards my self and it was just really bad.

What happened was that they read the note before I could digest the medicines I had swallowed and they called the cops. I was then taken to the ER. And stayed there the night after being treated. Then i was shipped to a psych ward. I was there for 9 days and just got out 6 days ago.

The psych ward was a mixture of bad and good things. They treated us like prisoners, we could not go out at all, the nurses were rude, and the psychiatrists only pretended to care about us. Although It wasnt as horrendous as how some TV shows portray it, it was not a healtho experience.
The only positive things that happened was that I was diagnosed with insomnia, depression, and anxiety and was given medication for that.

Anways, after I got out I had to go home with my parents And it's been weird. It feels like nothing has changed. At first they were worried and they said they'd be supportive, but now it seems like they don't believe I'm really trans. They think that going to college has made me some liberal confused hippie.

and then after a couple of days they act like nothing happened. I'm still getting into arguments with my mom about the stupidest things, and my dad is insistent on teaching me about meditation and exercise.

Don't get me wrong, my situation is much better than many others have it, but I'm so lost and I don't know what to do.

My note was really detailed and I basically spilled my guts in It. I also had to rehash the whole thing in a family therapy meeting required for discharge. I even cried, and I never cry.

Yet they still act like nothing really happened. They think my being trans is an outcome of my depression, anxiety, and insomnia. And they want me to focus on fixing those problems first. But the thing is, because of all the free time I had at my stay at the psych ward, i was able to think about everything , and I realized that I need to transition to fix the problem.

But now I have absolutely no idea on how to even continue from here. and although they said they would be supportive and would love me anyways, my parents won't even believe I'm trans. What do I do?



Sorry about the length i just need to talk to someone.

Thanks for taking the time to read this far. 

[Beth Andrea]

*hugs*

Sorry to hear your parents don't seem to hear what you say. I would think (but do not know) that they are hurting because of the suicide effort, but are too stunned to work it through.

It may be good to sit down with your parents and tell them, "Mom...Dad...I want to talk about _______." You may want to speak to only one if you believe the other will try to tear down the conversation.

Suggested subjects would be anything that is hurting you right now. I would think being trans is the biggest thing right now, but it may be that your parents don't have an open communications relationship with you. Either one of those would be good to start with.

Talk to them, but also listen to what they say. You don't have to agree with them, just try to understand them. Having a trans-child as well as having one that tried to kill themselves is very scary. Help them understand you, by understanding them.

*hugs*

(And please, don't try to leave us again...you are more than welcome and safe here, we listen and we care.)

[Dena]

I came very close to where you were but at the last minute the though flashed across my mind that I hadn't tried the medical solution. My parents were somewhat like yours in that my father never accepted me and my mother thought she could fix me. I got into therapy and 8 years latter I was a newly minted me. The information when I transitioned was almost non existent so I could do little more that express my feeling but we know far more that we did now. I am going to include a link on something I am working on for cases like this. You may read it and use the information as part of your argument or print it off and present it to your family. You are pretty far down but I am an example that it can happen. Should you want to talk or post with me, I am will to do so and don't worry about setting off triggers with me as I am now very emotional stable. One of the things you need to do is get into therapy and make it clear what drove you to this point. If your therapist is unable to help you, push for one who has experience in this area. Attempting to fit in a role different than your brain is wired is extremely depressing and the only way to recovery is treating the root cause. I hope that you can find what you need here and as before, if I can help you, let me know.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html

[Taliah]

*hugs*

Sorry to hear your parents don't seem to hear what you say. I would think (but do not know) that they are hurting because of the suicide effort, but are too stunned to work it through.

It may be good to sit down with your parents and tell them, "Mom...Dad...I want to talk about _______." You may want to speak to only one if you believe the other will try to tear down the conversation.

Suggested subjects would be anything that is hurting you right now. I would think being trans is the biggest thing right now, but it may be that your parents don't have an open communications relationship with you. Either one of those would be good to start with.

Talk to them, but also listen to what they say. You don't have to agree with them, just try to understand them. Having a trans-child as well as having one that tried to kill themselves is very scary. Help them understand you, by understanding them.

*hugs*

(And please, don't try to leave us again...you are more than welcome and safe here, we listen and we care.)

Thank you.  it means a lot that I have a community like this and people like you that I can't talk and vent to. It really does mean alot. Hopefully I won't try to hurt myself again. Because I feel like I finally got it off my chest and I feel like I'm becoming more courageous. Maybe I will sit them down and tell then flat out.

Thank you.

[Taliah]

I came very close to where you were but at the last minute the though flashed across my mind that I hadn't tried the medical solution. My parents were somewhat like yours in that my father never accepted me and my mother thought she could fix me. I got into therapy and 8 years latter I was a newly minted me. The information when I transitioned was almost non existent so I could do little more that express my feeling but we know far more that we did now. I am going to include a link on something I am working on for cases like this. You may read it and use the information as part of your argument or print it off and present it to your family. You are pretty far down but I am an example that it can happen. Should you want to talk or post with me, I am will to do so and don't worry about setting off triggers with me as I am now very emotional stable. One of the things you need to do is get into therapy and make it clear what drove you to this point. If your therapist is unable to help you, push for one who has experience in this area. Attempting to fit in a role different than your brain is wired is extremely depressing and the only way to recovery is treating the root cause. I hope that you can find what you need here and as before, if I can help you, let me know.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,190312.0.html

Thank you. Having a scientific reason to back my claim, helps alot. Right now my parents think I tricked my self into believing this. But maybe if I show them this it will help. Do you have any link to reputable research I can show them maybe?

[Dena]

The study was published in Nature 1995 and it appears to be behind a pay wall. A quick search turned up this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_transsexualism

One other offer, if it would be helpful, I am willing to talk with your parents. They may do it by post if they don't wish direct contact, mail, PM  or by phone. I would offer to do it in person but I suspect you are not in town.

[Taliah]

The study was published in Nature 1995 and it appears to be behind a pay wall. A quick search turned up this.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_transsexualism

One other offer, if it would be helpful, I am willing to talk with your parents. They may do it by post if they don't wish direct contact, mail, PM  or by phone. I would offer to do it in person but I suspect you are not in town.

Thanks!

And thanks you for offering. Maybe I'll take up your offer sometime in the future. But right now I need to basically become more comfortable with myself and who I am, before tryinf to convice my parents.

[Dena]

Once I posted to this thread I was put on automatic notifications so any post to this thread will signal me. To contact me again just post to this tread or PM me. Either way I will get the message the next time I am on the site.

[Jszar]

Hi Talia. I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I wanted you to know that I'm glad you're alive.

You won't be in dire straits forever. Really.

Take care.

[Taliah]

Hi Talia. I'm just a random stranger on the internet, but I wanted you to know that I'm glad you're alive.

You won't be in dire straits forever. Really.

Take care.

Thank you Random stranger. I'm glad I survived too, because it would have ducked to never have lived the way I wanted to.

[Damian]

Well, maybe next step could be inviting your Mom or Dad clothes shopping, showing them the clothes you like asking their opinion on make up and such. Do small things that reinforces the idea that you're very serious about this. Even if they may react harshly at first, make sure you don't react back and you stand strong. One of the most difficult things is trying to get people to acknowledge the fact that something is off, you've already done that, now divide and conquer! Lol, but seriously I'm so glad you're alive, and you'll find plenty of other people who share a similar story because, last time I heard, the attempted suicide rates of trans* people are up to 45%. I wish you luck.
<3 Damian

[FreyasRedemption]

Well, I was in a similar situation with my mother. Only instead of suicide note, she kinda pressurized me into telling, because she thought I had suicidal thoughts. Which wasn't far from the truth.
She refused to believe it at first. Since I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when I was, like, four or something, she assumed it was some kind of a phase related to said diagnosis. I have for a long time considered that Asperger thing a mistaken diagnosis, since I have met a lot of people who actually have Asperger's syndrome and find myself nothing like any of them.
Anyway, now things are better. We talked about it. Not a lot, but enough. Now, that we have entered the next stage (that is, the necessary psychological examination and the start of HRT) she seems much more supportive on the matter. We even went shopping for clothes and make-up together two weeks ago.
So, all your parents need are time and discussion. They will come around. At least, in your case they should. But don't worry. If they're not ultra-religious, they will accept you. As I said, it might just take them some time.
Also, I've chosen to stay up some extra time, even though I'm super tired, to write and perfect this little comment. Because I care about you. And so do many others here. If not all of them. So, you came to the right place.
Spirits guide you, sister.

[awilliams1701]

I don't know if this will help, but depression runs in my family. I had been managing it fairly well, but not perfectly before starting my transition. I would get occasional surges of depression. At one point I was on meds, but I hated the side effects so I stopped taking them. Now that I'm on estrogen, it is the best anti-depressant I've ever had. The side effects aren't bad. The only thing I got is the side effect of spirolactone, which is having to pee a lot. I haven't had a single surge of depression in almost 7 months(the amount of time I've been taking HRT). Yes I've had my ups and downs in that time. But everything happening to me is now a result of my life and only my life. I'm generally very happy and even smile quite often. I don't ever recall randomly smiling before. I think you should bring all of this up with your parents. I would rather have one of my children (if I had any) be transgender and on the appropriate transition medications rather than depressed and on anti-depressants. They are THAT bad.

[Taliah]

Well, I was in a similar situation with my mother. Only instead of suicide note, she kinda pressurized me into telling, because she thought I had suicidal thoughts. Which wasn't far from the truth.
She refused to believe it at first. Since I was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome when I was, like, four or something, she assumed it was some kind of a phase related to said diagnosis. I have for a long time considered that Asperger thing a mistaken diagnosis, since I have met a lot of people who actually have Asperger's syndrome and find myself nothing like any of them.
Anyway, now things are better. We talked about it. Not a lot, but enough. Now, that we have entered the next stage (that is, the necessary psychological examination and the start of HRT) she seems much more supportive on the matter. We even went shopping for clothes and make-up together two weeks ago.
So, all your parents need are time and discussion. They will come around. At least, in your case they should. But don't worry. If they're not ultra-religious, they will accept you. As I said, it might just take them some time.
Also, I've chosen to stay up some extra time, even though I'm super tired, to write and perfect this little comment. Because I care about you. And so do many others here. If not all of them. So, you came to the right place.
Spirits guide you, sister.

Aww thank you. I really am glad I have this site. Without people like you I would feel all alone. Thank you.

[Taliah]

I don't know if this will help, but depression runs in my family. I had been managing it fairly well, but not perfectly before starting my transition. I would get occasional surges of depression. At one point I was on meds, but I hated the side effects so I stopped taking them. Now that I'm on estrogen, it is the best anti-depressant I've ever had. The side effects aren't bad. The only thing I got is the side effect of spirolactone, which is having to pee a lot. I haven't had a single surge of depression in almost 7 months(the amount of time I've been taking HRT). Yes I've had my ups and downs in that time. But everything happening to me is now a result of my life and only my life. I'm generally very happy and even smile quite often. I don't ever recall randomly smiling before. I think you should bring all of this up with your parents. I would rather have one of my children (if I had any) be transgender and on the appropriate transition medications rather than depressed and on anti-depressants. They are THAT bad.

Oh wow, didn't think depression med had side effects, but maybe the psychiatrist wasn't upfront with me so I wouldn't question taking the meds. That's messed up. Thanks for telling me.

That's also good to hear. Starting transition will definitely help me get rid of depression. Thanks.

[Taliah]

Well, maybe next step could be inviting your Mom or Dad clothes shopping, showing them the clothes you like asking their opinion on make up and such. Do small things that reinforces the idea that you're very serious about this. Even if they may react harshly at first, make sure you don't react back and you stand strong. One of the most difficult things is trying to get people to acknowledge the fact that something is off, you've already done that, now divide and conquer! Lol, but seriously I'm so glad you're alive, and you'll find plenty of other people who share a similar story because, last time I heard, the attempted suicide rates of trans* people are up to 45%. I wish you luck.
<3 Damian

That's actually a really good idea. Thank you Damian.
And thank you for caring.

[awilliams1701]

There are actually many, but I experienced 3. Technically one was positive. I had the ability to "perform" longer. I've heard that in some cases it can go the opposite and you can't "perform" at all. My ex-G/F was disappointed when I made that connection and jokingly asked me to go back on.

The first bad one was that life seemed accelerated. I remember coming down the stairs and seeing my dog running around like he had gone crazy. Then I saw my mom in the kitchen rushing faster than I've ever seen her. I asked my mom what was up with the dog? Nothing he seems normal. That's when I realized it was the meds. It wasn't permanent, but it happened frequently until I stopped taking it.

The second bad one was frequently sweating for no good reason. It also stopped when I stopped the med.

Oh wow, didn't think depression med had side effects, but maybe the psychiatrist wasn't upfront with me so I wouldn't question taking the meds. That's messed up. Thanks for telling me.

That's also good to hear. Starting transition will definitely help me get rid of depression. Thanks.