Hey Ryan. I can tell you from first hand experience that not having your genes won't make a child any less yours. I transitioned at 26, dated a woman for two years and then married her. We had a son by AI with donor sperm. I was there for every AI procedure until one took, there when my son was born and got up for every feeding both when my wife was breast feeding and later bottle feeding.
There are plenty of cis guys who can't have kids because they either don't have good sperm or because his sperm and her ova just don't work well together. I don't love my son any less just because he doesn't carry my genes. When you go through AI, you pick the donor. The Dr. sits down with you and your wife and you go through an interview about your education and family backgrounds, interests, just about everything. They take your appearances into consideration as well. From that interview, they look through the records of all the sperm donors and come up with someone who matches you and your wife most closely in looks, education, body type etc. and shows you several choices. No names, just numbers. You pick a first, second and third choice. Sometimes the first donor doesn't work so they want you to have back ups. The goal is to help you have a child that will most closely fit you and your families.
To get rid of the impersonal aspect, we made each AI attempt into a date. We would go there for the procedure which doesn't take long. Afterwards, we would go to a favorite restaurant for a quiet, intimate dinner, go home and make love. Having a child through AI doesn't have to be a cold, clinical thing. Its not as spontaneous as having one naturally, but you can make it what you want.
My marriage didn't last, but it was because my ex decided that transmen were not really men, but that didn't change the fact that my son is mine. Looking at him, you wouldn't know he doesn't have my genes, he looks like a composite of my ex and myself.
As for what its like to be the child, I can't tell you about being the son of a transgendered parent, (by the way, we never told him as it doesn't effect him), I can tell you what its like to have parents who don't share your genes. I was adopted at 6 weeks. My adoptive parents are the only parents I have ever known and I don't care to meet or know who my biological parents are. Fathering a child or delivering one doesn't make you a parent. Its what you do after the child is in this world. One of my brothers is adopted and the other is a natural. (it was one of those failure to conceive so lets adopt and then of course my mother then became pregnant). We were told we were adopted right from the beginning, so early I can't remember ever not knowing. It just doesn't make a difference.
Not being able to father a child doesn't make you less of a man. If you want a child, go for it.
sam1234
