Confidence level going down not up

[kellypatrick]

Since going full time i have done so many things. I drove out to Montana, toured Mr Rushmore, Yellowstone, the Full throttle saloon in sturgeous and many secenic stops in utah and Colorada. I went to a concert with 20000 people and to a baseball game with 40. I have gone to multiple appointments at the va and various activities including going to the beach. During this time I had no major difficulties maybe  snare or snicker or two and have had multiple strangers come up to me and compliment me or that they admire what i am doing. Despite all this i am finding my self nervous to go out, when i had to go out i hurry in and out keep my head down and don't make contact with people.It took me all the courage to get my nails and eyebrows done although i have been there four times and i always get treated like a queen. I just think that by now with all the positive things going on I would have more confident then ever. thanks for letting me rant.

[Dena]

I can only think of two reasons and they both might be wrong.
1. You still haven't accepted how well things are going and you are waiting for the other shoe to drop.
2. You have done so many things you need some quiet time to recharge your batteries.

[Ms Grace]

Getting on HRT and going RLE isn't always going to flush out all your various issues. If you have an underlying social anxiety thing going on it may need to be addressed.

[kellypatrick]

You have a point there Grace especially since I haven't been taking my psychiatric meds lately. Guess i ought jump back on too that.+

[kellypatrick]

But I do plan on going in there tommorow with my head held high. Reading all the the threads tonight have reminded me i should be proud of who I am. And situations usually turn out better that what we expected,

[Ms Grace]

One thing I've noticed with depression and anxiety (personal experience) is that when you're in that frame of mind then your battery of positive experiences can be hard to charge up. You have great experiences but the good feeling from them evaporates/dissipates and you then can't draw on them when you need a boost. I realised some 12 years ago that treating every single positive experience as precious and putting those moments into a space that wouldn't let them dissolve nor darken meant that I could charge my personal positive battery, and then I did have something to draw on if I was a bit down. It improved my general mood and built my confidence too. 

[kellypatrick]

Thank you for your replys so far... Here is an update, so far know one has said anything to me directly. I guess there have been some giggles and remarks but that is just what an intern told my counselors. the staff is making sure to call me kelly and use proper pronouns. even a girl up in the cafeterial alsways says maam and such. my class mates are getting used to me and are actually talking to me. i think after i told them to me if i dont present as my true self i will end up dead. and that hit home because they are vets and suicide is rampant in the vet population. i have petitioned the court for the name change and will wait for that. Life is good. love kelly.

[kellypatrick]

As i was typing the above reply ups knocked on my door. two different packages one with shoes the other with estrogen.... what more can a girl want.