What's in a name?

[BenKenobi]

Long story. I've not been open for too long and thus not have had my male name for very long. Honestly, as much as i love the puns and references my original chosen name was (Ben), it just...doesn't fit me and I don't like hearing it. For a while I thought my resistance to the name was because "oh I'm not really trans I'm just confused etc.." but really I just needed MY OWN name and not the name i adopted from my parents should i have had the luck to be born biological male.
Now I'm attracted to the name Tobias. I'm pretty certain that's what I'll have on my forms after bull->-bleeped-<- legal runaround is done.

That said, I'm curious. Did anyone else sit on a name pre-hormone or at some other point and think "you know i thought i would have liked it but really i don't"? What made you decide on names if you chose a different at all?

Another thing that might be best for another thread in the legal section is...where to start to get the name change? There are so many things to change and then there's convincing the court of both name and gender change without hormones. In short, therapist still wants me to wait a year before hormones and would like a name change as proof that I'm serious/dedicated. But I feel that if I'm on hormones it's gonna be easier for me to go through the paperwork and court stuff. (Note I live in Jacksonville Florida and we're not even on the up and up on gay rights much less trans awareness).

[FTMax]

I've always had the same desire from start to finish in the name change process, all three of the times I'd considered starting to transition, which was keeping my initials the same.

Originally I just kept shortening my birth name until it was just M. When I first looked into names, I thought Matt would work for me and went by that for a while. But then I ran into a string of dudes named Matt that I absolutely hated, which ruined it for me. Ultimately I sat down and looked through M names and liked Max (specifically Maxwell). My mom is not a fan of it, but it's not her name. Everyone else says it's a good fit and I agree.

As far as the rest-

My vote is you need a new therapist, first of all. They shouldn't be holding that over your head in that way. It's unprofessional and not the accepted standard for trans patients. Nobody goes to therapy for a year anymore unless they have a lot of stuff to work through. And most of the time, not even then. It's ludicrous. I know personally how much it sucks to invest money in the therapy process with someone only to have them not work out, but I strongly advocate firing anyone that tries to play gatekeeper with you like they are doing.

Legally, you don't need a reason to change your name. Look up Documentation Changes on the Wiki and see what the requirements are for a name change in Florida. My ex was from there and I believe it's a little pricey but there weren't crazy requirements for it like there are in some states. I think you just submit your paperwork and go in for a court date where they'll grant it and give you copies to take with you. When the judge asks you why you want to change your name, you can just say it better reflects who you are.

I'm not sure what the requirements are for gender marker, as that's a little more variable by state. I did mine all at the same time, but I go to an LGBT clinic that has an in-house legal team to assist with documentation changes. I'm technically in the south, but Virginia is surprisingly accommodating. Getting on hormones is probably the very lowest threshold you'd need to get over to get the marker change, but they may require some kind of surgical intervention and proof of it. Most top surgeons will give you a vaguely worded letter that will satisfy that requirement.

[sam1234]

I took some time choosing a name, but did it in steps. Before I knew transgenders were real, I had people call me by a nickname that had nothing to do with my given name. Although it raised some eyebrows, no one ever said anything. From there, I had my name legally changed to a name that could go either way. Once I found out that transgenders were real and that I could transition, I again legally had my name changed from the androgynous form to the masculine form. I had an attorney do to make sure it was legal, and keep the copy in a lock box.

When you do decide, how you go about legalizing it will differ dependant on the state you are in. I was in upstate N.Y. at the time, and once a person was on HRT and had chest surgery, they could legally change their social security to be connected to a male. Same number, just changed the gender. I was adopted, and my parent's didn't think i had a birth certificate. They were only given the papers with my surname. Presently I am having my birth certificate legally changed to male. That involves, at least here, having a Dr. write a notorized letter that I have had the surgery needed, the counseling and how long I've been living as a male.

I would suggest doing everything through an attorney. Mine did all the court stuff for me, and I never had to set foot in a courtroom. That may be different in different states. Make sure to have your social changed and your birth certificate after the rest has been changed. If you do it legally, its just safer. I know attorneys can be a bit expensive, but its worth the peace of mind you will get. Good luck in your venture.

sam1234

[AleksiJason]

therapists and other mental health professionals have no obligation to give u approval for HRT within any time limit

their job is to determine when they feel u are ready

many therapists have been sued by people who THINK they are transgender....only to go through HRT or surgeries....then regret it and have irreversible effects from it.....and go on to sue the therapist by claiming they "weren't in their right state of mind" and the therapist should have realized that and not given approval.

mental health professionals have to protect themselves and their careers from situations like this....and that means not recklessly handing out approval immediately to anyone saying they are transgender and want hormones

[suzifrommd]

therapists and other mental health professionals have no obligation to give u approval for HRT within any time limit

their job is to determine when they feel u are ready

Sorry, Aleksi, but I have to disagree with this strongly. The WPATH Standards of Care back me up.

IMO a therapist has NO BUSINESS substituting his judgment for mine as to whether I'm ready for HRT. He doesn't know. I do. It's his job to help me make that decision, not to make it for me.

The WPATH SOC are very clear that it's the patient's call when to start HRT, so any therapist that follows those standards will allow the patient to dictate hormone timing. I can point you the the passage that says this if you don't believe me.

[FTMax]

Sorry, Aleksi, but I have to disagree with this strongly. The WPATH Standards of Care back me up.

IMO a therapist has NO BUSINESS substituting his judgment for mine as to whether I'm ready for HRT. He doesn't know. I do. It's his job to help me make that decision, not to make it for me.

The WPATH SOC are very clear that it's the patient's call when to start HRT, so any therapist that follows those standards will allow the patient to dictate hormone timing. I can point you the the passage that says this if you don't believe me.

Agree with Suzi. So long as they're following the guidelines set in place by the main authority on trans healthcare, any lawsuit against them would be a frivolous one. The standards as they are don't require a specific number of sessions or length of care in order to access HRT. A good therapist doesn't act as a roadblock.

[AleksiJason]

Sorry, Aleksi, but I have to disagree with this strongly. The WPATH Standards of Care back me up.

IMO a therapist has NO BUSINESS substituting his judgment for mine as to whether I'm ready for HRT. He doesn't know. I do. It's his job to help me make that decision, not to make it for me.

The WPATH SOC are very clear that it's the patient's call when to start HRT, so any therapist that follows those standards will allow the patient to dictate hormone timing. I can point you the the passage that says this if you don't believe me.

if they follow WPATH they would know someone has to meet certain criteria to take steps in transition

unfortunately "confused" people being given approval for physical transition have turned on mental health professionals suing them claiming they wern't in their right mind and the mental health person should have realized it

why do u think surgeons need at least one letter from a mental healthcare provider?  other than to protect their ass from being sued?  because if they have the letter they are not liable if a patient regrets it....dont be so naive

i agree it sucks having to get approval to transition and isnt fair for those of us who are serious but that is how the system functions

[AleksiJason]

Agree with Suzi. So long as they're following the guidelines set in place by the main authority on trans healthcare, any lawsuit against them would be a frivolous one. The standards as they are don't require a specific number of sessions or length of care in order to access HRT. A good therapist doesn't act as a roadblock.

i didnt say they require a certain number of sessions...but their job is to assess whether someone is ready to physically transition and are transgender... and there is no predetermined set number of sessions for doing so

it is not the mental healthcare professionals fault, they are just doing their job

if u want people to blame, then blame all the confused people who got approval for transition and turned on their therapists and sued them, claiming they were never trans and they should not have gotten approval because they weren't in their right state of mind and the therapist should have realized they were not trans

[AleksiJason]

confused idiots thinking they are transsexual but aren't are the ones that ruined it for the rest of us and why lots of trans men and women are having trouble getting easy approval with just a few sessions

[BenKenobi]

Do you have anything to back up that claim? Because the most I could find were transgender patients suing when they were DENIED treatment in various circumstances. Not suing because they got them.

[FTMax]

Most mental health folks are not the ones prescribing HRT. They recommend and refer to another medical professional who will also meet with you and discuss all the ins and outs of HRT on the medical side of things. All the guys I know personally have had to sign an agreement to be administered HRT. It says you know the risks and expectations, and you agree to do it. Even if you haven't signed something explicitly, there was probably a clause in your new patient paperwork that implied consent to treatment.

Doctors will have you sign forms like this for a variety of procedures. It covers their butts in the event that someone wants to sue later. I'm sure there have been people that worked their way through the system in order to get what they thought they needed at the time, only to realize after the fact that oh man, I've just had surgery and THIS is actually what gender dysphoria feels like because now I'm definitely in the wrong body.

A reasonable adult knows where to place blame. It isn't on the professionals that guide you through the process by allowing you to access their resources. Sure, you could sue. But it will not get you anything. You will probably be stuck paying everyone's court fees when you lose.

[Andre87]

I think we should "build a name".We don't just get it,we work hard to deserve it.As I'm pre everything,I could only change my name to gender neutral one(I plan to change it later to Andrej).Luckily mine is far more often used as male name...As a reason I wrote:because of social issues...I can pass if I'm slim->beard+ flat chests..so I was lucky as they approved name change.Here in my country they need confirmation that you're not under investigation,that you payed taxes,etc..I can't recall,but there were bunch of papers..I needed 2 months to complete procedure.Birth number remained the same,and F in identity card..
I chose gender neutral name for my baby(at that time I didn't know baby's sex as in China it's not allowed to tell sex before birth due to frequent abortions of girls)..so my son also has gender neutral name